Up Against the Wall
by DarkElements10
Summary: On Logan Mitchell's 18th birthday he gets the wish he's always wanted to come true: his father gets released from jail. What he didn't wish for was to find out that his best friend's past coincides with why his dad was put there in the first place. For Rage-Against-Time. Rated T. -Inspired by the Boys Like Girls song of the same name-
1. It's Over

**Up Against the Wall**

**By: Rhuben**

**Summary-**"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." On Logan Mitchell's 18th birthday he gets the wish he's always wanted to come true: his father gets released from jail. What he didn't wish for was to find out that his best friend's past coincides with why his dad was put there in the first place. With his back up against the wall, Logan has to deal with secrets that will shake his foundation to the core.

**Fic Dedicated To: **Rage-Against-Time

**Alternate Title: **Lifeline

**Pairing: **Logan/OC

**Rated: **T for language and violence

* * *

**~01~**

"Age is just a number, just like a jail sentence is just a date" - Unkown

* * *

**September 13th, 2012**

**North Richland Hills, Texas**

The heavy wooden doors slammed shut behind him as he slowly made his way down the long aisle, his gaze on the empty judge's chair at the end. With every step, the chains of the ankle and handcuffs rattled. Each step was one step closer to freedom. Today was the day. He was finally going to get out…and get out of the ugly orange jumpsuit.

"All rise," a voice called, "Judge Parsons presiding." Creaking and groaning and the shifting of people filled the room as a back door opened and a man in a billowing black robe strode into the room.

The people in the courtroom waited, eyeing each other, shifting uncomfortably. There was the sound of someone clearing their throat and his gaze flickered over to the jury. He tried to read them, but their faces were stony. They definitely weren't going to give anything away.

"Please step forward," the judge's voice boomed through the courtroom, immediately snapping his attention. The tight grip on his arm got even tighter as he was hauled through the swinging door and over to the podium in the middle of the room. He sighed, rubbing his wrists as the handcuffs were removed from his hands. "Please state your name."

"Ch—" he cleared his throat, swallowing thickly, "Charlie Mitchell."

"Charlie Mitchell," the Judge Parsons repeated, flipping through the sheets of paper that was sitting in front of him. He looked around at everyone else in the courtroom. "You may sit."

As the patrons in the room slowly sat down, settling quietly, Judge Parsons scribbled on a form. He took the time to look around the room; the same room he had seen countless times since arriving in the first place. Through many court dates, hoping for parole, appeals, he never thought good things would come whenever he set foot in this place.

Now that the time has come, he couldn't really believe it was happening. He had always dreamed of returning to his life outside of this gray life that was now his, to be able to feel the sun on his face without worrying that the minute he turned his back, someone would stab it. At the same time, he was scared about leaving. He had branded himself, and his family for life.

His family.

He didn't know how they'd react. He hadn't seen them for 13 years and as each day passed, as he ticked off each day on his cell wall, it was another day filled with guilt and regret. Another day where he didn't get to see his wife's beautiful face or see his son grow up. He couldn't do father-son things like throwing around the football, or playing baseball, or fishing. Things he'd never get back. He swallowed thickly, sniffing, as he felt tears well up in his eyes. Tears of sadness and tears of joy.

"Do you need a moment?" Judge Parsons asked, quietly.

He used his shirt sleeve to wipe at his eyes. "N-no, sir," he replied in a thick voice, "thank you, sir." Judge Parsons gave a nod.

"Charlie Mitchell, you were put in the North Richland Hills Detention Facility for trafficking drugs with a sentence of 13 years," Judge Parsons said, swiping a finger through his graying mustache.

"That is correct, sir," he replied with a nod.

"As previously stated in your initial court hearing, you have had a previous discrepancy with the law, making your sentence 20 years," Judge Parsons said as he placed a pair of glasses onto his nose, holding up a sheet of paper. "Are you still currently living in North Richland Hills?"

"Yes, sir."

"Are you planning on staying in North Richland Hills?"

"Uh…" he trailed off. He hoped to be reunited with his family, but he didn't know if they were still around. Nor did he know if they even wanted him back. "That's…up in the air, sir."

"Well, regardless, today is your lucky day, Mr. Mitchell," Judge Parsons replied, setting down the paper. He folded his hands on the table in front of him. "You have served out 13 years of your 20 year sentence, and with good behavior, you are eligible to leave with parole. We require that wherever you end up, you provide proof of residence, if you are to find employment that you provide proof of employment as well as meet regularly with a parole officer, as well as submit to drug and alcohol tests. Do you agree to these terms?"

"Yes, sir, I do," he replied with a nod.

"Well, Mr. Mitchell, you're free to go, I hope I never see you again," Judge Parsons said with a gentle smile before picking up his gavel, slamming it down onto the block of wood on his desk. "Congratulations. We expect you to find a place of residence as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir, I understand." He cracked a grin. "Thank you, sir, I hope to never see you again, either," he replied. He then turned on his heels and made his way out of the courtroom for the final time.

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

"Hey, so we haven't really finalized what we're going to do for—"

"Shhh, Logan can probably hear you. We don't want to ruin his birthday—"

"Who's talking about birthdays? I'm just saying, I wanted to go get nachos."

"After all that time getting you to eat healthy and working out to try and look as good as me, you want to shove nachos down your throat?"

"Boys, stop yelling at each other, you're sitting right next to each other."

Logan Mitchell snorted as he listened to his friends and his guardian out in the living room of apartment 2J in the Palm Woods. He set his computer aside and got up off of his bed, making his way to the door of his room. Crashes, bangs, screams, and sounds of explosions immediately hit his ears and he craned his neck to see a game of Halo up on the tv screen.

"Logaine," Kendall Knight called, pausing the game as he moved his green eyes over to Logan. "Come play a game." He wiggled his Xbox controller in the air. "We could use your Big Time Brain to think of a strategy to beat Katie."

"Even with my help there's a 95% chance that Katie would beat us bad," Logan pointed out and Katie Knight, Kendall's little sister, smirked, reaching for her cup of soda that sat on the round table in front of her. He rolled his eyes. "And that's because Carlos would blurt out the plan in his frustrations."

Carlos Garcia slapped his hockey helmet twice, a pleased smile on his face, showing that it was true. "Thanks for the pep talk," Carlos said with a smile.

Logan raked his fingers through his hair. "Anyway, could you guys keep it down, I'm trying to finish _our_—" Logan trailed off, glaring at each of his friends who whistled innocently, "homework."

"Boys, how many times do I have to tell you that you have to do your _own_ homework?" Kendall's mom called from the kitchen where she was sitting at the table, reading a book and sipping from a mug of steaming coffee. "You're not going to learn anything if you have Logan do it all the time."

"Mom, he meant that he was…_looking over _our homework," Kendall said giving his mom a sweet smile. "_Right_, Logan?"

"Of course," Logan replied with a nod, smiling over at Mrs. Knight who shook her head, knowingly.

"Dude, it's your birthday tomorrow, why are you still doing homework?" James Diamond asked getting Logan's attention, wrinkling his nose. "You should be spending the time looking as good as possible." He smirked. "Although, if you wanted to look as good as me you would've had to have started yesterday, but still. I mean, you _are _turning 18."

Logan rolled his eyes. _Leave it to James to only think of himself despite it being someone else's big day._ "Thanks James, I never would've known that," Logan said sarcastically and James just shrugged, giving Logan a look that said, 'Don't-Say-I-Didn't-Warn-You'. "By the way, _please _don't wake me up with 18 pinches, or 18 tackles, or anything else that would do me bodily harm."

"Well, that rules out plans A through F," Kendall said with a smirk, quirking an eyebrow before holding his hand out to Katie. Katie grinned, slapping his palm with her hand.

On Logan's 16th birthday, he had gotten their traditional birthday wake-up call; 16 snowballs, or in this case snow cones, thrown at him the minute he stepped out of his bedroom. He never would've thought that he would be celebrating his birthday in Los Angeles, California. In their home town of St. Paul, Minnesota, 16 snowballs would be pelted at you the second you stepped out of your front door. At night, they'd hike through the woods to their camping spot and camp out.

That's not to say his 16th birthday wasn't enjoyable. He had a party on the beach with his friends. It was a full day of building sand castles, beach volleyball, trying to learn how to surf, and ending the night with a beach bonfire and he and his friends keeping with their tradition of camping out. He had never camped out on a beach before, and it was cool to sleep to the waves crashing on the beach. He had known about high tide, but they all experienced it the hard way. But, he had a lot of fun and it lessened his feeling of homesickness. But, what stood out the most was that his parents weren't there. He was able to call his mom that night, which helped a little bit, but he would've loved to have her there.

For his 17th birthday, he had finished his first tour as Big Time Rush, a month earlier. He would still be riding that buzz if he hadn't broken up with his girlfriend at the time, Camille Roberts; resident method actress at the Palm Woods, where he lived. That put a damper on a lot of things, especially because they broke up because she had kissed James. He almost went as far as punching James but he forgave his friend as it was really only the first time James had done something to hurt him; intentional or unintentional.

He was able to put all that aside to have a good day hanging out with his friends. It was a little awkward to be around Camille, but he still cared for her and wanted to be around her. That year they all spent the day at the Santa Monica Pier riding rides and eating a lot of junk food. He did have a great time, but that was where they had shot the music video for their song _Boyfriend_, and where, even after he and Camille broke up, they had kissed on the Tunnel of Just Friends, as part of the video. That's not to say that much like all of her kisses; it didn't take his breath away. She was one hell of a kisser.

Now he was turning 18 and he didn't know what to expect. James was right, it was a big deal. With so many things already happening to him, he couldn't even begin to guess what his friends had planned for his birthday this year. But, 18 was a big deal to teenagers everywhere. You were considered an adult, taken more seriously, and given more responsibilities.

And in his case, it also meant starting work on their third album for Big Time Rush. He, much like Kendall, James, and Carlos, wanted this album to be perfect so they were going to take their sweet time with writing and recording, wanting to draw from every aspect of life for inspiration to make the best album they could. And it wouldn't be all that hard to find inspiration as a lot has happened over the three years he had been in California. Shortly after arriving to Los Angeles and starting the process of creating their first album, _B.T.R, _their music producer, Gustavo Rocue had hired the famous Australian band, the DarkElements, to help him and his fiends make into music industry.

The DarkElements were made up of a group of siblings; twin sisters, Riley and Rhuben Jackson were the oldest at the time at 15 (turning 16 two days after Logan), twin brothers Patrick and Noah who were 14, and the youngest brother, Sydney, who was nine. Logan didn't recognize them at first, but he had known them since he was eight years old as they had lived down the street from him when he was still living in Texas. When he was nine, they moved to California and he moved to Minnestota, where he met Kendall, James, and Carlos. Ever since Gustavo hired his old friends, the two bands have been working together ever since, growing to become best friends with each other and in Logan's case, rekindling old friendships.

But, that wasn't as easy as Logan instantly knew that something was wrong with his friends. They had changed, like time usually helps aid, but they didn't seem anything like the friends he knew when he was a kid. They were standoff-ish, they flinched whenever a hand was raised for a high five, they had excuses for everything, they hated going home, they had unexplained injuries and on and on and on. It didn't take him long, with his Big Time Brain, to figure out that they were being abused.

And that was the start of their eventful lives in California. Through trials, rehearsals, studio work, performances, adoptions, relationship drama, and having to deal with being in the public eye, the life of a celebrity never had a dull moment. But, being with his friends, he wouldn't go back to what he was doing before.

He wasn't the best singer and definitely wasn't the best dancer, but he could use his talents of beat boxing and back flips into certain songs and performances, adding a little spice to their music and the longer he stayed in California, the more he felt like he fit in and he belonged there. And he knew he wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for the friends and family he had made while he was there.

He couldn't thank Kendall's mom, who he affectionately called Mama Knight, enough for taking care of him while he was out in California, but he did wish he could see his mom more often. The one time she came to California was such a surprise, it made her leaving again that much harder for him; but he knew that she was proud of him.

"Just keep it down, ok?" he asked before making his way back into his room. There was a loud explosion from the TV, causing him to jump. He could hear his friends laughing at his retreating form. "I _really_ have to get new friends."

Sometimes he wondered how he was friends with Kendall, James, and Carlos, but they had always been there for him. Kendall was their undecided leader, and captain of their ice hockey team so they always followed him. He was always down to Earth and loyal, true qualities for a leader. James was really self-absorbed, and it was his dream to be a pop star, but he opened his dream to welcome his friends in and he used his self-awareness (which was mainly a fault from his parents) to help everyone else in the group look good and feel good about themselves. Carlos was kept around because he always brought a good time and a sense of humor to the group. Yes, a lot of the times he did something stupid, but it was always something stupidly fun. And Logan rounded out the group by being the responsible one, telling them what consequences they could possibly face despite going along with it anyway. They all just clicked.

Logan flopped down onto his bed, letting out a sigh through his nose before pulling his computer to him. He was always made fun of for putting his homework before anything else, but having to do four sets of homework, and studying to become a doctor whenever he found free time, it was best to get his work done ahead of time before having fun. It was also the same with his music; it was in his contract that if he or the other boys didn't keep their grades up, they couldn't perform.

Logan glanced over at his phone suddenly rang. He instantly reached for it, an expecting smile coming to his face. His mom always wanted to be the first to wish him a happy birthday and called as close to midnight for him on the West Coast as she could to do so. He peered at the caller ID, frowning when he didn't recognize the number that was calling him. He set his computer aside before reaching for his phone, settling back against his pillows, jabbing his thumb into the answer key, putting it up to his ear.

"Hello," he said into the phone. There was another surge of laughter and loud explosions from the TV and he got up from his bed a second time. "Hold on a second." He pressed his phone to his chest and hurried to the door to close it. "Sorry, I'm back. How can I help you?"

He fell back onto his bed, laying back against his pillows. "_Hello. Is this Mr. Logan Mitchell?_"

Logan pulled the phone away from his ear, peering at the caller ID for another moment. He recognized the area code for Texas, but there wasn't a name for it. He didn't recognize the voice either, but somehow they had found his phone number.

"Um, yes, yes it is," Logan replied as he put his phone back to his ear.

"_Hi_," the man on the other end said, sounding chipper now that they knew that they had found the right person. "_I'm calling from the North Richland Hills Joint Detention Facility_."

Logan sat up, his eyebrows knitting together. _North Richland Hills? _Logan thought, feeling his heart beat speed up. He hadn't heard any mention of his hometown in Texas ever since he had moved away. _Oh, God. _

"Yeah?" he asked. He made a face when he heard his voice crack. He cleared his throat before trying again. "I mean…yes?"

"_Sorry if this is a bad time, Mr. Mitchell, but my name is Louis Sullivan,__" the man on the other end of the phone replied. "__I've been trying to reach you all day, but I couldn't get a hold of you." _Logan silently nodded before quickly making a noise with the back of his throat. "_I'm calling about Charlie Mitchell. He is of relation to you, is that correct?_"

Logan closed his eyes, feeling his heart drop. "Yeah, he's…he's my dad," Logan replied. He slowly breathed in and out of his nose. "Is…is everything ok?" Logan didn't get an answer right away, but got an earful of shuffling papers._ What is this about_?

"_Hold on a secooond," _Louis all but sang as the shuffling sound drilled into Logan's ear. "_Ah, here we go. I'm calling to inform you that your father was __released from prison today.__"_

Logan felt his jaw drop_. _A chill went down his spine, and his heart started beating in his chest. His lips twitched into a smile, and then into a frown, into another smile, and then into a look of shock. He didn't know how to feel; he didn't know what to think. He hadn't seen his dad since he was a kid. He barely even remembered him; for as long as he could remember, it was always just him and his mom.

His mom had always explained to him that his dad was in jail because he had done something bad, but it didn't mean that he didn't love Logan any less. He didn't believe it. If his dad had actually loved him, he would've taken the time to try and get in contact with him all these years. Logan didn't know what it was that his dad had done to go to jail, nor did he really want to know. The fact of the matter was that his dad had abandoned him.

It was hard to avoid the questions, "Where's your dad?", "What happened to your dad?", "Why is your dad never around?" and to keep coming up with vague answers that people would be ok with, "he's out of town", "he had a work commitment", "I don't know why he's not here." Once he had actually told the truth and flat out said that he was in jail, and that was a fire storm in itself.

Parents gave him pitying looks, his mom lost some of her friends, and kids weren't really allowed to play with him. After that, he just never talked about his dad and after a while, no one seemed to care why his dad wasn't there. He moved on with his life and got used to it just being him and his mom.

At the same time, a small part of him had always wanted his dad to return and for everyone to forget whatever bad thing he did. Which was why every year on his birthday, when he would blow out the candles on his cake, he'd wish for the same thing: for his dad to come home. He never thought anything would come of it, it was just something he wished for out of habit.

But, this year, he finally got his wish and he didn't know what to do or say.

"_Mr. Mitchell?_" Louis asked, sounding concerned. "_Are you still there_?"

"Uh," Logan said, realizing that he had done nothing but breathe into the phone for a moment. "Yes, yeah, I'm still here. Um, thank you for telling me. Thanks." Logan rolled his eyes at his repeated phrases. _Why not add in a 'Gracias', and 'Merci' while you're at it_?

"_You're quite welcome, Mr. Mitchell. I hope you have a nice day today. Oh, and happy birthday._"

"Yeah, thanks," Logan replied, drawing little circles on his bedspread. "Uh…bye." He removed his phone from his ear and hung up the call. He tapped his cell phone against his bottom lip before tossing his phone aside. Groaning, he fell back against his pillows and he ran his hands over his face and into his hair.

He ran his hands through his hair before cupping the back of his head with his hands. He turned his head towards the wall and looked at the calendar, his eyes landing on the square that was circled several times with a large red '18' in the center. He then glanced over at the clock and watched as it hit midnight.

His phone rang a second time and he answered it, holding it up to his ear. "Hey, mom," Logan said after the warm greeting on the other end of the phone. He turned his head back to stare up at the ceiling, a small smile coming to his face. "Yeah, Happy Birthday to me."

* * *

**A/N: **And there's the first chapter. I'm really excited about this fic. I got the idea for this after talking to Riley about how there were rumors going around at one point that Kendall's dad was to appear in the show. That then brought up the conversation, "Where's Logan's dad and why haven't we seen him in the show?" After re-watching 7th Heaven and Dawson's Creek, I came up with this idea. I hope you all like it.

This fic is Logan/Rhuben fic (Lolla aka Heart of Texas).

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	2. Look Out Below

**~02~**

"The thrill of coming home has never changed" –Guy Pearce

* * *

**September 14, 2012**

**Fort Worth, Texas**

"I can't thank you enough for this, mom." Charlie set down his steaming cup of coffee, looking across the table at his mother, Abigail Mitchell. He reached for a packet of sugar. Ripping it open with his teeth, he poured the white sweetener into his coffee. "I'm sorry I came so late."

"Nonsense, dear," Abigail Mitchell replied with a smile, pushing a plate of muffins towards him. "Now eat up. I just know that the food in that wretched place couldn't keep any meat on your bones."

"Mom, I couldn't eat any more," Charlie said with a small smile, pushing the plate back towards his mother.

His jeans were already unbuttoned and unzipped, which was saying a lot as they were barely staying up to begin with. He didn't have a belt as he wasn't allowed any in jail for fear that he would try and strangle himself or someone else. Same with his shoelaces. It wasn't until he had everything taken away from him did he realize just how much did he truly lose with his decisions.

He never thought he would see outside of the stony, cold, gray walls of the jail. He never thought he would be back in civilization in a home with someone who loved him and plenty of food to eat that didn't taste like paper. As soon as he set foot through the door of his home, he was given plenty of food and hugs to last a lifetime and it still didn't feel like enough. He was his grandparents' only child, and while he never considered himself to be spoiled, he was happy to know that there was someone who was still there for him.

He ate as much as he could for she was right; the food in jail wasn't any better than you could possibly get at the local hospital. It filled the emptiness of his stomach, but not the emptiness of his heart. He looked past Abigail and at the refrigerator, at all of the pictures that lined the freezer door. He slowly licked his lips, getting out of his chair, taking his coffee cup with her. His eyes flickered over the picture:

A wedding picture of his parents instantly brought tears to his eyes as his dad had passed away while he was in jail. He sucked in a shaky breath of air as he looked through the other pictures; some of him when he was a kid, some of his parents on their travels…and some of his wife and son. They all looked so happy at his birthday, on Christmas, his first day of a new school. And he missed every defining moment of his son's life.

He reached out a hand and gently touched a glossy photo of Logan. He didn't know how old he was at the time, but he was young and cute. Just like how he remembered seeing him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. He used one hand to unfold it; it was the same picture. He remembered when he had received it; on his son's sixth birthday. It was the first day he had gotten mail from his wife, Joanna, and it included that picture.

But, it was also the last time he heard from them. He didn't have the accompanying letter anymore, it was stolen from him from another inmate. Take his soap, take his food, he didn't care, he just wished they didn't take his letter. He didn't know what the inmate needed it for nor did he really want to know. He remembered the loopy flourish-like handwriting of his wife explaining how everything was going and how much she loved him and how much she missed him. And then there was the squiggly, barely legible, "I love you, dad" from little Logan written in red crayon at the bottom.

He held onto that thought. But, he also wondered how much his son really loved him. Did he know what he had done to be put in jail? Did he choose not to get in contact with him? Was he told not to get in contact with him? Did he ever think of him? He tried hard not to dwell on the negatives, but with no one to talk to, no friends, and all the time he spent alone in his jail cell, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to anything and everything that would hold his attention.

"Charlie."

Charlie turned his head, using his shoulder to wipe his eyes, facing his mom as she made her way back into the kitchen. He didn't even notice that she had left. "Yeah, mom?" he asked, swallowing thickly, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I just thought you'd like to see this, dear," Abigail said with a gentle smile, handing him a picture. Charlie took it with his free hand and briefly closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself for what it was he was about to see. He slowly forced himself to look at the picture and allowed a weak smile to come to his face. "This was sent to me a few months ago. He's really grown up hasn't he?"

"Y-yes," Charlie replied, his lips shaking as he smiled down at his now grown up son. _He's so big. My little boy has grown so much. _Abigail took his shaking coffee mug from him and he all but collapsed onto the ground, sobbing. His vision blurred as he gently ran his fingers over the picture of his son. He was smiling happily for the camera, with the same dimpled smile he had when he was a kid. He was wearing a long sleeved dark jean jacket over a dark gray t-shirt. There was a hint of stubble on his chin. He was a man. "I've missed so much."

"I know, son, I know," Abigail said quietly, her chair screeching against the floor as she moved to take her abandoned seat.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry," Charlie said, looking up at his mom.

"I-I know," Abigail repeated.

"Do they know?" Charlie asked, looking up at his mom. "Do Joanna and Logan know? That I'm out?" Abigail paused for a moment before nodding.

"Yes," she replied quietly. "Yes, I'm sure they know."

Charlie nodded. "Did…uh, have you heard from them?" he asked, wiping the snot from his nose with his hand before wiping it off onto his jeans. "Lately? Di—did they say anything?"

"Sorry, honey, but I haven't," Abigail replied. She glanced over at the clock on the wall. He followed her gaze. It was almost One O'clock in the morning.

"Right, right…" he replied, nodding over and over and over again. "Do…do they know that I'm sorry?" Abigail sighed through her nose. "I kept sending letters. I kept trying…they kept bouncing back." It hurt him to keep trying to write to his family and getting nothing. He didn't know if they just didn't want him to write anymore or what.

"Son…Logan and Joanna don't live here anymore," Abigail said quietly.

Charlie blinked opening and closing his mouth. "But…but, I stopped by," he said quietly, "I stopped by." He was there. He stood on the porch, sat on the porch swing. Cars were in the driveway. It all looked the same. "It was their house. I know it."

"Son," Abigail said, reaching out his hand towards her. Charlie stretched out his hand, sliding it into hers. "They don't live there anymore. They moved about nine years ago now."

"Moved?" he repeated blankly. _Moved? _He couldn't believe that. Not because it wasn't possible for people to move, but because he never fully accepted that life was moving on without him. "Moved where?"

"Charlie, do you know what you're going to do now?" Abigail asked, changing the subject. "Permanent residence, getting a job? You'll have to have meetings with your parole officer and everything."

Charlie let out a loud bark of laughter. "No one's going to want to hire someone how sold drugs," he said with a shake of his head. "No one will trust me, mom. No one."

"I know I didn't raise you to think like that," Abigail said with a frown, squeezing her son's hand, using her free hand to pat the back of his hand. "I know that both Calvin and I raised you to do believe that you can do anything you put your mind to." Her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes. "Calvin didn't sit here on his death bed—" Charlie turned his head away from her, "—you look at me when I'm talking to you, boy."

Charlie lifted his head, nodding. "Yes, ma'am."

"Your father did not sit here in this house every day that you were in jail, waiting for you to come home, saying that it was never going to happen," Abigail continued. "Your father held optimism until his last dying breath and his final words were that he forgave you for what you did, that he loved you, and for me to tell you to not give up. We both raised you to not give up. He didn't give up, he stayed alive as long as he could, but I told him that it was ok for him to go. I told him that you were going to be ok. And you are going to be ok."

"Yes, ma'am," Charlie replied, nodding his head for a second time. "Mom, please tell me." His bottom lip shook. "Where'd they go?"

"I'm not sure I should tell you," Abigail said quietly. "I promised Joanna."

"But, mom, she just up and left," Charlie said, feeling himself starting to become hysterical. He shifted closer towards her. "They left me. They were keeping me going when I was in there."

"I know, sweetie—"

"No, mom you don't," Charlie declared. He felt her let go of his hand. Her soft, warm hands encircled his cheeks. "You don't know what it was like. I wasn't a name, I was a number. I was Inmate No. 174594,. I was stuck, alone, an 8-foot-by-12-foot padlocked cage for days, weeks, moths, years!" He let out a shuddering breath. "I can't explain what it was like, but I don't…I can't go back."

To say that it was terrible was an understatement. He was only eligible to get fresh air for an hour a day. But, he still felt like he was caged in as amidst the "great outdoors" he was still stuck inside from a chain-link fence topped with razor wire. There wasn't much to do when he was outside. He could walk around or he could work out, or he could talk to the other inmates.

And that was a risk in itself. He didn't know what they were in for, it wasn't something you shared in casual conversation. Everybody and every room in that place was tense. It was if they were waiting for the smallest thing to set them off and they would go wailing on the nearest person. He had been on the receiving end of many a beatings just by stepping into the room and allowing the door to slam shut or because someone simply didn't like his face.

"_He's a punk_."

Punch.

"_He's a bum_."

He was spat upon.

"_I don't care about him. I care about myself_."

He was kicked.

And he would go to the medical ward, but not much apart from stitches or maybe a wrap here or there could be done. Squealing was against the unwritten code of conduct in that place. Not like you could say much around a fat, split lip anyway.

But the worst part of it was that you had no one to turn to except a cold cell with an inch-thick mattress, a pillow, sheet, and a blanket. The only form of comfort in a cold place, but you got used to it. No one was going to go around and check up on you. If you were weak, people would notice. It was all about you; you had to help yourself survive.

Going to jail, he had a lot of fears, mainly dying in jail. He heard horror stories of the place; suicides, gang violence, "dropping the soap" a lot. But, actually being there, he had to laugh at himself a little bit for it. He wasn't in any immediate danger as he wasn't put into the "SNY YARD." SNY (Sensitive Needs Yard) was the place that gays, gang dropouts, and child molesters were placed as they were considered "high profile" and people wanted to beat them up. His only problem was that once people found out about why he was put in jail, they were hoping he'd be able to get them some through any means had already destroyed his life doing it, he wasn't going to make it worse by upping his sentence. He was given a chance to get out early and he was going to make his life the best he could. But, that could only start with the mending of his family.

"You won't go back, dear, I won't let you, you hear?" Abigail asked quietly.

"I hear," Charlie replied with a nod. "I hear loud and clear."

"You'll be real proud of your son, Charlie, real proud," Abigail said through her tears. "He's doing good things with his life, son, real good things." She patted his cheek. "You've had a long night, why don't you go and get some sleep and we can start your new life bright and early."

"Yes, ma'am," Charlie replied with a nod, getting to his feet. He dipped his head down and pressed a quick kiss to his mother's cheek. "I love you, mom."

"I love you, too, sweetheart, I always have, and I always will," Abigail replied, wrapping her arms round him to give him a hug. "I'll see you in the morning."

Charlie smiled. "See you in the morning," he replied. He liked the sound of that. He liked knowing that someone was there. It felt good. But, it would feel great if his family was there. He looked at the two pictures of his son in his hands as he made his way out of the kitchen, through the living room, and up the stairs.

_Happy Birthday, son. Wherever you are._

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

Logan pulled his metal spoon out of his mouth, licking his lips free of ice cream. He adjusted himself against the pillows that were propped up against the arm of the couch as he looked over at her; his best friend, Rhuben Jackson-McGuire.

"Your hair looks stupid like that," he commented, tapping her bare foot with his own, digging his spoon into his ice cream, around a chunk of cookie dough. He slid the ice cream into his mouth, chewing the frozen treat with a smile as the girl in front of him, leaning against the other side of the couch, lightly kicked his leg.

"You know, I knew there was a reason why I don't wear my hair in pigtails anymore," the 17 year old girl replied, after taking a moment to pretend to think before pointing her spoon at him. "Because _somebody_ kept pulling on them…and telling me how stupid I looked. You never pulled on Riley's hair."

"That's because I valued my life," Logan instantly replied and Rhuebn laughed. Rhuben's twin sister, Riley, was best known for her anger and impulsive acts. You could expect that after a stupid comment came out of your mouth—a stupid comment in her opinion at least—you'd get a tongue lashing or a punch to the shoulder. "Besides, I don't like her as much as I like you." He paused for a moment. "Don't tell her I said that."

"I'm touched," Rhuben replied with an over the top smile. "And no worries. I think you should enjoy being 18 for a little while longer before I let her kill you."

"Thanks," Logan said, rolling his eyes. "So, what's with the bow, anyway? You haven't worn a bow since you were nine."

"Thanks to you," she replied and Logan shrugged. She ran her hand down the back of her head, smoothing out her hair, giving a fake pout. "I just wanted to look nice for your birthday."

"You _do _look nice," he insisted. "You _always _look nice." And she gave him that smile; the genuine smile that made her eyes light up and made his heart skip a beat each and every time.

"So what are you going to do next? Push me to the ground? Go find the nearest ice cream cart and buy some to apologize?"

"No," Logan replied with a small laugh. "We need to get back to homework." She made a face and he laughed.

They had been friends since they were kids, both living in Texas and both having their birthdays in September, his on the 14th and hers on the 16th. For her, Texas was one stop over to California where she would be working on her music career with her brothers and twin sister, and for him, it was where he lived before he moved to Minnesota, meeting up with Kendall Knight, Carlos Garica, and James Diamond; both trips having changed their lives forever.

Without moving, he never would've accompanied James to Gustavo Rocque's audition, and he wouldn't have moved out to California to make music, meeting up with his old friends and working with them for the past three years. He also wouldn't be in a happy, yet on/off relationship with his girlfriend, and be in one of the hottest boy bands of the new millennium.

"I don't want you to spend your birthday doing homework," Rhuben said with a shake of her head.

"Nice try, but you're not getting out of it that easily," Logan said with a shake of his head.

Truth be told, he didn't want to do homework on his birthday either. But, he wanted to talk to her about the phone call he had gotten that night, and at the same time, he didn't want to bring it up. It was so late at night that by the time he woke up, he wondered if he had dreamed what happened. But, his dreams that night were plagued with his father.

Or maybe they were memories, he wasn't entirely sure. But, it stuck around in his mind all day. He hadn't thought about his dad in a long while. He was so used to him not being around, not having him mentioned that sometimes he wondered whether his dad had been around at all.

"Haven't you noticed, though?" Rhuben asked, sitting up, brushing her dark hair out of her eyes. Logan quirked an eyebrow, breaking his gaze at his ice cream carton. "All we do now when we hang out is homework. And that's _work_, not hanging out."

She had him there. But, when they hung out they talked and he didn't know how to bring this up in casual conversation.

She was pretty. At an even 5"3, with a stunning combination of raven black hair and piercing blue eyes, she could get anybody's attention. It seemed like she had a permanent tan—having been born and raised in Sydney, Australia, moving to Texas, and then settling in California—which made her looks even more alluring. He even noticed it when he was a kid.

"That's not _all _we do," Logan replied with a shake of his head and she laughed before motioning to the coffee table where there was a stack of books, paper, pencils, and calculators. "Well…you need help with your homework."

"Fail one class and people think you can't do anything," Rhuben commented and Logan cracked a grin. "You and I both know that math isn't my best subject and you and I both know that _I'm _right and _you're_ wrong. All we do now is homework; apart from our Friday night tradition of you me, and Riles, hanging out, but even that's been falling by the wayside lately as we move on with our lives."

"Oooh, tragic," Logan joked and she rolled her eyes, something she was practically famous for. "Stop being so dramatic."

But, he knew she had a point. He, Rhuben, and her twin sister, Riley, always hung out together on Fridays, it was something they did as a kid, and something they did once they reunited with each other. Even he could admit that that tradition was slowly waning and it was getting a little hard to find time to spend together.

After taking a year break, the Jackson-McGuires were getting back into the routine of making music, and Big Time Rush was recording songs for their third album and gearing up for a summer tour. Their professional lives were becoming more dominant then their social lives and they could only find some time here or there to really hang out. But, their Friday night tradition of both bands, and Katie's mom and sister, all eleven of them being crammed in apartment 2J in the Palm Woods kept going, and he was at least happy for that.

The two girls knew about his dad and in essence, so did their brothers, and maybe even Ronan. But, he didn't have to worry about them soiling the beans. They were good at keeping secrets and really loyal. As long as he asked, they wouldn't say a word. But, they were the only other ones that knew. Kendall, James, and Logan didn't even know about his dad.

Kendall, James, and Carlos's parents surely knew by now, but he wasn't 100% sure as none of them ever brought the subject up. Father's Day was a holiday that all but dropped off the face of the Earth in his life. But, he had no problem celebrating with his friends; their dads were like pseudo-dads to him whether they knew it or not.

"Well…what about those private dance rehearsals?" Logan asked after a moment of thinking.

"Oh, you mean the ones that you started to shirk once the soap opera of your love life with Camille came to a head?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up and Logan felt himself blush.

He couldn't deny that his relationship with Camille had its ups and downs. They could be together one minute, making out like fiends, and then get into an argument and break up in the next. Both he and Camille got teased a lot for not being afraid to make out so much in the public, and the teasing from his friends got embarrassing after a while. But, they got used to it. Just like he had gotten used to her slapping him and her tackling him in excitement whenever he got home from a long tour or just from a long break from the Palm Woods. Despite all that, he and Camille were still friends. It was slow going, but he was happy they still hung out.

But, at the same time, he was in love with Rhuben, he always had been, since he was a kid. The two of them had gone out briefly when he and Camille were broken up after she kissed James, but that was weird. It didn't seem genuine. He didn't think it was fair to her as he was just coming off the bad break up, and he could admit to himself—he'd never admit it to the two girls—that he was also kind of using Rhuben to get back at Camille.

But, at the same time, he really truly cared about his friend and he truly loved her. He loved being able to make her laugh and to make her smile and to get her to believe that every bad thought she had about herself wasn't true. He loved just being there for her through her tough time, just like he knew she would be there for his.

If only he could open his mouth.

"Well, if you don't want to do homework, which you'd have to do eventually because I know for a fact that Ronan isn't going to give you another extension," Logan said, pointing a warning finger in Rhuben's face and she rolled her eyes. Ronan McGuire, her adoptive father, was not only the music producer for her and her siblings, and not only their manager, but also home schooled them. "What do you want to talk about? I'm sure there's something going on I don't know yet."

Despite him always being there to help Rhuben, or anyone, with their homework, their friendship was based around talking. Not that it was a bad thing as they could always find something to talk about. It was mainly serious topics such as her recovery from her years of child abuse, but lately it was conversations about how they were as kids. It was a way for her to deal with her recovery, suggested by her therapist, talking about how things were when they were kids, not only to help her but to help him; to help him stop feeling guilty about not being able to help her.

Ever since he found out about their abuse, he had always felt extremely guilty. Even when he was a kid, he always felt like something was wrong with her and her family, but he could never figure it out. Her ex-father, Robert, was always…intense about everything and really creepy. Thinking about the guy now could send a shiver down his spine and made his stomach twist with guilt.

Everyone told him that it wasn't his fault, that he was a kid and he couldn't have done anything to stop it. And he agreed with it, but that didn't make him feel better. Which was why he started trying really hard to spend time with either girls, and their brothers; showing that he was there for them and that he always would be.

"I dunno, anything," Rhuben replied with a shrug.

_Anything. _He let out a sigh through his nose. _You can trust her. You know she won't freak. Just tell her what's going on_. _Tell her._ He chewed his bottom lip. _Or maybe bringing it up will remind her of her dad and how he _didn't _go to jail. _

That was a shock to them all. Despite all the evidence stacked up against her ex-father, he didn't serve anytime in jail, but was sentenced to paying a hefty fine, being sent to anger management classes, alcoholic anonymous, and put on probation. With all of the evidence, there were some main factors that worked in their favor, things they never saw coming. The first, was that he didn't have a prior offense with the police. It's hard to believe someone who was that intense and angry all the time didn't have a prior strike on his record. And second: he got some sympathy as he, too was a victim of abuse as a kid; emotional and verbal abuse from his father. It was a shock, but it was the best that the jury could do given all the research put into the trial.

All that mattered was that he as gone.

"Ok," Logan said, a slow grin coming to his face. "Let's talk about how we're _not _going over your math homework." Rhuben rolled her eyes and he laughed. "You walked yourself right into that one, Pacey."

"Thanks for pointing that out, Dawson," Rhuben replied, her lips twitching into a smirk. She then finished her ice cream and set the bowl down onto the table. "I know we always celebrate all of our birthdays tomorrow, but I have a gift for you." Logan blinked in surprise as she got up. She tapped his foot as she walked past him. "Be right back."

"Sure," Logan replied. Her footsteps faded as she hurried out of the room and up the stairs.

He got up out of his seat and made his way towards the TV where some picture frames were sitting up. A smile instantly came to his face as he looked through them. It was nice to see that his friends, who had lived such a hard life, were now moving on and good things were coming to them. They all looked to be genuinely happy in those pictures. And Ronan looked genuinely happy to be their parent.

His smile wilted slightly. He let out a breath of air through his nose. His dad was out of jail. Plain and simple. But, what wasn't so simple was how he was feeling about it. He was so conflicted, but the minute that he was happy about it, he felt down because he didn't know how to get in contact with him, and when he felt down, he got mad at himself for doing that as his dad could've reached out to him over the years and try to find him if he wanted to badly enough, and then he'd get confused about why he was happy, upset, and mad all at the same time.

He silently finished his ice cream, turning away from the pictures. He needed to think long and hard about all of this. Which in itself was a problem as he wasn't the best at making decisions. He flip-flopped a lot when trying to ultimately decide something. But, that's why he wanted to tell her. She would give him her honest thoughts and feelings on the matter, which in turn, would help him decide what he was going to do.

"Ok, here we go," Rhuben announced as she walked back into the room, carrying a gift wrapped box in her arms.

"Thanks," Logan said, taking the box. He reached for the bow and then stopped. "Can I open it now?"

"If you want," Rhuben replied with a shrug, rubbing her hands together. "It doesn't really matter."

"Ok," Logan replied before he removed the bow. He moved to sit down on the couch and grasped the envelope, ripping it off of the box. He flipped it over to the back and then pulled it out. He glanced at the front where it said, _Ten Reasons Why You're My Best Friend_.

"Oh, just a heads up, Riley got you the same card," Rhuben said, moving some things on the table to give herself a place to sit. "We didn't know we got the same thing until it was too late."

"That's ok," Logan replied as he flipped the card open. Two 50 dollar bills floated out and into his lap. He cleared his throat and started reading it aloud. "Seems like we've known each other forever, you tell me I don't look fat, you laugh at my jokes, we like the same junk food, long phone conversations with no silent places, you'd share your last piece of chocolate—that's not true."

"I know, keep reading," Rhuben said, shoving his knee. His knee burned from where she touched him.

"You always understand, you've seen me without make-up and you didn't scream, you give bad hair day sympathy, and the #1 Reason you're my best friend is if I was lost, you'd find me." Logan felt himself smile. "And that means more knowing that I got this from both of you."

"And we mean every word," Rhuben replied, clasping her hands in her lap. "Open the box."

"Ok, ok," Logan replied before hastily tearing off the wrapping paper. He used his fingernail to cut through the tape sealing the white box together and lifted up the top, the smell of leather hitting his nose. "Oh, wow." He reached into the box and pulled out a leather jacket. There was a clattering sound and he saw a pair of sunglasses sitting at the bottom. "Wow."

"You said that already," Rhuben pointed out. He didn't have to look up at her to know that she was smirking.

"I know, I'm just…really shocked," Logan said.

"Riles helped me pick them out," Rhuben explained, "she and I both noticed that you've been changing your clothing style so we thought this would be perfect for you." Logan set the gift aside and got to his feet, opening his arms for a hug. Rhuben smiled, and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him back. He closed his eyes as he hugged her, holding on for longer than usual. She noticed, like he knew she would. "You ok?"

"Yeah," Logan replied, as he stepped back from her, sitting back down. He took the leather jacket and slid his arms through the sleeves. Perfect fit. "It feels good."

"Looks good, too," Rhuben replied, brushing her fingers through her hair. "Happy Birthday, Logie-Bear."

"Happy Birthday, Bella," Logan replied with a warm smile. "We have known each other for forever haven't we."

"Sure feels like it," Rhuben replied, moving to sit back down on the couch again.

"And we can tell each other everything," Logan said as more of a fact then a question.

"Of course," Rhuben replied slowly. "Why do you ask?"

_Just tell her. You know she'll be able to help you out. _Logan twisted his mouth to the side as he reached for his cell phone which vibrated in his pocket. He dragged his thumb over the face plate to his phone, scrawling the little design to unlock his phone. He had a text message. He opened up his message inbox and saw that it was from his mom.

**Mom: **_Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I hope you're having a lovely day. It was so nice to hear your voice last night. Call me ASAP. Your grandmother told me that your dad wants to try and get in contact with you._

His heart skipped. He squinted, reading the message over and over again.

"Everything ok?" Rhuben asked.

"Rushtastic," Logan replied, turning off his phone. "Now, let's get back to work."

* * *

**A/N: **A few answers to questions.

**Youspinme: **I haven't ultimately decided if Jo, Camille, and Stephanie are going to appear. But, that doesn't mean they won't at all.

**Rage-Against-Time: **It's just Lolla for now, but that doesn't mean other pairings won't come in. I haven't ultimately decided. Of anything, they'd probably just be mentioned.

**BigTimFan-'10: **This fic will take place in LA, Texas, and Minnesota.

**Guest: **Like explained in this chapter, the other boys don't know.

Yes, part of this was taken from the first chapter to my abandoned fic, _To Be With You. _Thank you all for checking out the first chapter. I hope you'll stick around to see what I have planned next. I'm not sure how long this will be, but I'd rather not know as then I won't feel like I have to finish at a certain point and force myself to get to that point.

Hope you guys liked this chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	3. And I'm Wasted

**~03~**

"That's the nice thing about dreams, the way you wake up before you fall." –Marva Hornbacher

* * *

**September 16th, 2012**

**Orange County, California**

"So, how are things between you and Logan?"

_Ah, the age old question_, Rhuben thought to herself, turning her gaze from the city coastline and over at her therapist, who was staring back at her, his pen held above his notepad, waiting to hear what she had to say.

If it wasn't the rumors of her supposed relationship with Dak Zevon, which thankfully have all but died down, it was whether or not she was dating anyone. People were always trying to pry into her private life, wanting to know what makes her tick, what she really thought about things, and how her life really was.

There were dark places in Los Angeles that any celebrity could fall into if they weren't paying too close attention, but it was rare to have that brought up into the spotlight. However when it did, you became more famous for your downward spiral and your scandals than anything you've ever done with her career.

That's why she thought she was a lucky person. She had been in a dark place for a good chunk of her life, but now she was in the light. Being in a successful band al the while having to deal with child abuse at the hands of her father, it was enough to capture even more public attention. In essence, it did help with their career and her image, but it made moving on that much harder.

Dr. Trevor Angelo was one of the most prominent therapists in the city and he deserved every positive connotation to his name. He knew what she was doing; despite all of Rhuben's reservations when she had first met him, even she couldn't deny that he knew what he was doing and that he knew how to get emotions and dark secrets out of her without batting an eyelash. Most surprisingly, he did it all without making her feel like he was prying for prying's sake.

There was no doubt in her mind that he took his job seriously. He treated her like an individual with her own thoughts and ideas and not like a kid or like a typical teenager. He was a patient man, never pushing things too far out of her comfort zone when asked.

"Bonzer, Doc. He wants to get back together," Rhuben replied and Dr. Angelo nodded his head, peering at her, pressing the end of his pen into his bottom lip.

"But, you don't?" he asked, raising his eyebrows when he didn't receive any other form of explanation from her.

"I do," Rhuben slowly replied, her eyes narrowing slightly. She shifted in her seat, bringing her knee to her chest, resting a foot up onto her cushion. "But you know me." Dr. Angelo nodded, writing down on his notepad. "You know I hate to make mistakes and I hate to mess things up that are good."

"Yes, I do know you and I know you're not being exactly truthful," Dr. Angelo replied, using his pen to scratch at his eyebrow. He wiped a finger through the hair to check and see if he got any ink on his finger. He peered down at her elevated foot which started bouncing up and down.

Rhuben twisted her mouth to the side but didn't reply. "Are you worried that if you do take that chance to be more than friends again, that you'll do something and it'll really sever that friendship? For good? That's what you're scared of?"

"Yeh," Rhuben replied shortly, bringing her thumb to her mouth, chewing on the nail.

"Nails," Dr. Angelo said in a dull tone, as if he had said it many times. Which he had. One of her nervous quirks, apart from tapping her feet on the ground was to bite her thumbnails. No other finger, just her thumbs.

Rhuben removed her thumb from her mouth, spitting out the bit of fingernail that was in her mouth. Dr. Angelo arched an eyebrow, peering down at the carpet where the off white nail bit sat on top of the carpet before looking back up at her. She gave a sheepish grin and leaned over to pick up the nail, setting it on her jean-clad thigh.

"My friendship with Logan isn't what we had as kids," Rhuben slowly replied, "but it's what I want and need now."

"Are you sure?" Dr. Angelo asked, looking curious at her. "You and I can both agree that your friendship with Logan when you were kids was important."

Rhuben nodded. There was no more truer fact than that. She lived down the straight from Logan for about a year. He was her first friend when she and her family moved to America. When she moved, she never thought she'd see him again so it was a surprise to see him when she had walked through the doors at Rocque Records to meet his new "fire".

But, everything was different. She wasn't the wide-eyed, Pokemon card collecting, creek stomping little girl anymore. She was a hard worker, more cautious about people, and wanted to do anything and everything she could to be successful, even if it meant she had to push him away. She didn't want him to know about the abuse, she didn't want anyone to know. Here she had an image as being tough and taking crap from no one, and for years she took crap from her dad.

It was embarrassing.

Much like it was when he had found out. She knew she could handle it, but being the worry wart she remembered him to be, he all but freaked out. He fired statistics in her face, reported on any research that he found on the subject and it annoyed her. She wasn't a test subject or a statistic: she was a person who needed help and didn't know how to ask for it. Or rather, was too stubborn to ask for it.

She knew where Dr. Angelo was going with his suggestion; their friendship when they were kids was just easier. At the time the only thing they cared about was beating the Texas heat and seeing who had the rarest Pokemon card.

"It's really unique and very important to me," Rhuben replied, choosing her words carefully. "We just click, more so now than we had before. I feel like when we were kids, it was kind of like…a childish friendship if that makes sense. We were into fads and catching frogs. To mess up what we have now would be so hard."

"I see," Dr. Angelo replied with a nod, his pen scratching over the notepad. "I just find it a little odd for you. From what you've explained to me, you've never essentially had a childhood and you're upset that you missed out on being a kid…yet you choose to have the friendship, relationship, however you're describing it, now."

"I think it's because I've had to grow up so fast and face adult things like business meetings and marketing plans," Rhuben replied, scratching the side of her neck. "I was attending industry parties and premieres when people were going to soccer games and homecoming."

"Ok, let me ask you something else," Dr. Angelo replied, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Could you kiss Logan? I mean a real kiss."

"I don't know," Rhuben replied, without skipping a beat.

"He's not back together with Camille, and you know he wants to get back together with you," Dr. Angelo pointed out to her. "We've already established why you don't want to change things, but as we've seen with your life, with Ronan, and your friends in Big Time Rush, change can be a good thing. Everything at home is good?"

"We're still unpacking a little bit, but, it's good," Rhuben replied with a nod. _Better than I could've ever imagined._

Good didn't even begin to describe it. She hadn't remembered when she had honestly been so happy in her life. She was safe, she was moving into a new house, and she had a new dad in a friend she greatly respected. Most importantly, her brothers and her sister were safe.

"You haven't given Ronan any more tests?" Dr. Angelo asked, his eyebrows shooting up and Rhuben turned her gaze back out to the window, biting her lower lip.

That was one of the many things she had felt guilty for in her life. Here was her music producer and friend, Ronan McGuire, trying to make a better life for her by taking them in as part of the foster care system and she made his life hell. It was part of her and her sister, Riley's, plan to see if he really wanted them.

They'd act out every now and then; talk back, deliberately disobey orders, in short, act like the teenager she always wanted to be. She knew she was hurting him just by questioning his intentions; waiting for him to change his mind and leave like she was used to. She was also used to taking matters into her own hands. Why wait for someone to leave when you could speed up the process by pushing them away yourself?

"No, no more tests," Rhuben replied shaking her head, brushing loose strands of her hair behind her ears. "We've all changed over the summer and for the better. Going back home really helped. I mean, as you know, we always go home every six months, but I knew this was different. Home just felt different."

"Maybe it was just you that changed," Dr. Angelo suggested, shifting in his seat, crossing one leg over the other, tapping his pen against his notepad. "I see you've got a new hairstyle." Rhuben smiled, reaching up a hand to touch her side ponytail. "It looks good, it looks nice."

"Thank you," Rhuben replied.

"You're quite welcome," Dr. Angelo replied, an amused look on his face. "And as such, I know that it's not the only thing that has changed." He then set his notepad down and got out of his chair. He walked around to his desk and pulled open the bottom drawer, revealing a large white box. "I happen to know that it is in fact your birthday today." Rhuben peered curiously at the box as he handed it to her. "Now, I'm aware you and Riley had celebrated with Logan the other day, but seeing as I didn't see either of you…"

"So you decided to schedule another session on my _birthday_ just to give me these…" she trailed off to lift the lid, "cupcakes!" She sucked in a deep breath of air, smiling as the smell of sugar wafted up her nose.

"Well, I'm glad you approve," Dr. Angelo replied as he settled back down in his chair. "So, I know you, Riley, and Logan like to celebrate your birthdays together. How was it? What'd you do?"

"We went to Disneyland," Rhuben replied and Dr. Angelo allowed a smile to come to his face. "It seemed childish, but there's something about having a whole bunch of your friends in a place like that just kicking back, that made it a whole lot of fun." She scratched the side of her jaw. "Plus, Sydney hadn't been there in so long; I know he had a good time."

"Were you expecting something bad to happen?" Dr. Angelo asked, flipping through the notepad on his lap. "You've stated in a previous session that you always worry that something bad will happen every time something good happens."

Rhuben scratched the back of her neck, feeling her happiness slowly slide away, much like it did every year around her birthday. Her past few birthdays have been great, being surrounded by friends and family, having a good time. She did her best to keep her mind preoccupied with what she was doing at the time. Because nine years ago to that day, her parents died in a house fire that changed her life forever. Her life had essentially gone downhill from that moment.

"I understand why," Dr. Angelo quietly continued, "I was just curious about what it was you were worried about happening."

"Um," Rhuben said and cleared her throat for a moment. She had to stop herself from snorting. She worried about everything and anything if she got the chance. To pinpoint just one thing was kind of funny. "Everything I guess. I mean…I hadn't thought about it for so long, I just blocked it out." She shifted her gaze to her lap, twisting her fingers in her lap. "Parents are supposed to be there for your 18th birthday, you know?"

Dr. Angelo silently nodded.

"That's not to say I'm not happy that Ronan is around," Rhuben quickly continued, "it's just because I don't know for how long. I mean, our past always comes to bite us in the ass one way or another." She got up out of her seat and walked over to the shelves of books and other doo-dads on the shelves. She grasped rubik's cube, looking it over before starting to twist it in her hands. "Nothing ever seems to stay…right for long."

"I see," Dr. Angelo replied, watching as she started to work the toy, twisting the lines and columns. "Life is like this rubik's cube."

"Not another metaphor, Doc," Rhuben commented with a brief laugh, moving to sit back down in her abandoned chair. "Monopoly and Sorry! weren't your brightest moments."

"The point is that you remembered them whether they were bad or not," Dr. Angelo said with a bark of laughter, shaking his head. "Just hear me out; alright? Every square on that cube is an aspect of your life; friends, family, health, your job, what have you. It won't ever run smoothly until you take the necessary twist and turns to make a clear path."

He then held out his hand, wiggling his fingers and she passed the toy over to him. Rhuben blinked, watching in surprise as he quickly solved the puzzle of the rubik's cube, holding it out to her. "But, sometimes you need help to align the pieces; to have everything flow together." He peered curiously at her. "Who do you think that is?"

_Ronan_, she thought, automatically. _He's always been there for us, to see things get better for us despite not knowing the full extent of what was going on. _

But, she didn't say it automatically. There were still things she didn't let him know unless he specifically asked what was wrong, if she needed advice, or if she gave him her notebooks filled with thoughts and feelings about what was going on with her as part of her therapy "homework."

And even in some cases, she wouldn't tell him as they had a "If you ask, I'll either tell you the truth or not say anything at all" kind of relationship. That's not to say that she was trying to hide something from him, but because she didn't know how he would handle the things she had seen and been through in her life. She didn't know how anybody would react to it.

Logan was the second name that came to her mind. She felt like she could tell him anything and everything, as they had built up their friendship over the past few years. It wasn't what their old friendship was; they generally just hung out doing homework or talked and while she was happy to have someone to confide in, she knew she couldn't be truly truthful to him about what she has gone through. It would change everything between them; it would change how he looked at her, and maybe how he felt. She wouldn't be the person he had loved and fallen in love with.

She was protecting herself. That was it. She had let enough people in her life down and she wasn't going to do it to him.

"Well, it looks like we have much to explore in this area, but I'm afraid our time is up today," Dr. Angelo said, glancing at the watch on his arm. "However, I want you to have a good birthday. Have fun, and enjoy your time with your family. I want you to keep writing and we'll pick this up next time. Enjoy the cupcakes, and make sure Patrick doesn't get to them before you or Riley can taste any."

Rhuben laughed. "Will do," she replied as she got to her feet, reaching for the box.

"One more thing," Dr. Angelo replied before handing her the rubik's cube. "I want you to solve this. You can't get any help from anyone; not online and not in real life. When you're at your most frustrated and you want someone or something to know just how messed up, turn to this and only when you're truly ready to allow yourself to let your life run smoothly, do I want you to solve it. Do you understand?"

Rhuben took the cube in her hand, arching an eyebrow as she peered down at it before looking back up at him. "Yeah," she replied with a nod. "I got it."

She was skeptical, as she was with some of the things he had her do since starting her therapy sessions, but she did always give things a chance…unless she really thought it was incredibly stupid. Even at that point, she most likely wouldn't say anything out loud.

"And, again, Happy Birthday," Dr. Angelo said as he got to his feet. He took the notepad and flipped the cover to the front. "I know I don't have a professionally trained voice such as yours, but I could sing if—"

"_No_," Rhuben quickly said and he started laughing. "Sorry, but Carlos pretty much ruined that song for me with his—annoyingly catchy—off key made up birthday song." She shuddered. "I'll see you next time. Hoo roo."

"Good work today," Dr. Angelo called after her as she made her way out of the room. She took the elevator down to the ground floor, managed a one handed wave to the receptionist in the lobby and made her way out to her car. She was soon on I5 on her way back to Los Angeles.

With the sun shining down on her face, and the music cranked up, she sang along to the music (turning the music up louder when a Big Time Rush song came on), dancing to the beat of the music as she made her way home. She was trying to be happy, it was her 18th birthday after all and she had something to look forward to; an early dinner with her family, and hanging out at The Grove with her girlfriends later on that night. She didn't know how Riley was handling things, but she was going to do her best to stay positive.

At least, that was what she had planned until she turned onto the street her house sat on. She immediately recognized the black Saab that sat at the end of her driveway. She slowly turned into her driveway, parking behind Riley's car, and killed the engine.

_Bollocks. Oh God, not now,_ Rhuben thought draping her arms over the steering wheel, resting her head against it. She shook her head back and forth before sitting back, running her hands over her face. She heard the dull thud of a car door slamming and removed her hands to look into the rearview mirror.

She watched as a blonde haired boy walked around to the front of the car, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket. He moved to sit on the hood and lit the cigarette with a lighter, sucking back a breath of air before puffing it out. He had on a white t-shirt and dark wash jeans.

"Shit," Rhuben whispered as she pulled her car keys out of the ignition. She locked the car doors before slamming the door shut, sliding her keys into her pocket. She then made her way down the driveway. "Heard a rumor you were around."

"Confirming it for ya," the boy replied, blowing a puff of acrid smoke into her face.

Rhuben's upper lip curled slightly before she grasped the cigarette out of his hand, dropping it to the ground, grinding it out with the heel of her shoe. "Why are you here?" she asked quietly, glancing over at the house.

"Haven't been 'round Hollygrove lately," the boy replied with a shrug. "Came to see how y'all were—" Rhuben grasped the front of his shirt, pulling him off of the hood. She dragged him around the side of his car before slamming him into the driver's side door.

"Why are you here, Ace?" Rhuben repeated, as he reached up and grasped her wrist, pulling at her hand. His shirt snapped back into place. "Why?"

"Can't even have a friendly visit with you going aggro, eh, _mate_?" 'Ace' asked, tilting his head to the side, mocking her accent. "Got some info for ya; something you'd like to know."

Rhuben sucked her lips into her mouth, dropping her gaze to the ground. She shifted her weight from foot to foot before looking up at his face. He raked his fingers through his hair, staring back at her, waiting.

"What?" Rhuben asked, crossing her arms over her chest. A satisfied smile crossed his face, but he didn't start talking. Rhuben rolled her eyes. "Don't come the raw prawn, you muffin. Tell me or get off my property."

She paused for a moment and the feeling of dread washed over her for a moment. "How do you even know where I live?" she asked and Ace's made a noise in the back of his throat.

"You're kidding, right?" he asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Every photog on this planet tries to snap a pic of you guys to write up an article about how well you're doing with your 'recovery'. Anybody could figure it out after a while." He scratched the side of his neck. "Least you got out. That's good."

"Yeah," Rhuben agreed with a nod, shaking her head.

Hollygrove was a part of the EMQ FamiliesFirst Agency serving abused and neglected children to help them find safe homes, and extended family members, while serving them with an education. They worked with potential foster and adoptive parents to help them learn how to create a welcoming environment and provide behavioral and emotional therapy for the kids.

For a few years now, the Jacksons would go to Hollygrove to spend time with the younger kids to play with them, take them to the beach to run around, just to talk to them about their lives and their worries. However, up until recently, the kids didn't know that the Jacksons had gone through the same thing in their lives. But, with Robert and working on their career, they hadn't had to go through Hollygrove. It just made them that more thankful for Ronan to be so invested in their lives.

Hollygrove was where they had met Ace McFadden. He was one of the older kids at the place, and had been one of the kids who had been one of the few kids who had been there the longest. Much like a lot of kids in the foster care system, he "aged out" before he had an opportunity to be put with a family or even considered to be adopted. It was hard to deal with; essentially knowing that no one wants you, but it was the reality of the system.

"So, what is it that you came here for?" Rhuben asked. "I don't have time for this Ace, seriously."

"I have it on good authority to know that your boy bander buddy, Logan?" Ace replied and Rhuben gave a slight nod, feeling her stomach start to twist into knots. Ace could've said anything to her, but as long as it was Logan or anyone she knew, she would instantly panic internally. "His dad got paroled a few days ago."

Rhuben blinked in surprise, feeling her jaw drop slightly. She open and closed her mouth before clearing her throat and managing to squeak out, "Really?" Ace nodded. "Wow." She then suddenly gave a violent twitch of her head. "How do you know?"

"…How do you _think_?" Ace asked in a low tone and Rhuben raked her fingers through her hair. "He didn't tell you? Huh. That's interesting. I thought he was your best friend. You sure do brag about him often enough."

"He is my best friend," Rhuben replied and Ace chuckled.

"Really?" he asked, giving an odd smile. "So, tell me. Does he know about you then? And the things you've done?" Rhuben kept her gaze locked onto his amber eyes before briefly shaking her head. "Thought so." He then turned and popped open his car door. "By the way, Happy Birthday. Tell Riles I said 'hi'."

"Yeah, thanks," Rhuben replied with a nod, pushing his door closed after she was sure he was in all the way. She slapped the top of the car twice before stepping back from the car. She watched Ace drive off, disappearing around the corner before letting out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping.

* * *

******Fort Worth, Texas**

Charlie whistled to himself as he made his way down the busy streets of his town on his way to the barber shop. He was aware of people doing double takes when they passed it, stopping in the street to make sure they were actually looking at him. He adjusted his shirt collar and continued on. He was aware of the bulletin that had went out about him being back in town. He couldn't blame anyone for warning the town about him. He had messed up, and he had to take responsibility for it.

The bell to the barber shop chimed as soon as he pushed the door open, stepping into the cool building. Everyone's eyes were on him, all the conversations stopped. And then the man closest to him, threw down his towel, giving him a smile, offering his hand.

"Charlie Mitchell, long time no see," he commented, grasping Charlie's hand, shaking it vigorously. "Never thought I'd see your ugly mug again."

"Better be glad you can even recognize me," Charlie replied and the man laughed along with him.

"What with the missing patches of hair you call facial hair, anybody could miss ya," the man chuckled, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Alex Williams, how are ya?" Charlie asked with a grin.

"Good, good," Alex replied, clapping him on the back. "Bet, I don't feel as good as you. It sure is nice to see you back here. Sure is."

"Thank you, kindly, I appreciate it," Charlie replied with a smile. He let out a breath of air. The politeness and warm welcome caught him off guard, but it felt good to know that someone was indeed happy to see him. "How are your kids? Your wife?"

"Good, good, proud of 'em all," Alex replied, motioning for Charlie to follow him to an empty chair. The other patrons watched him before going back to their own business, talking quietly amongst each other, about him no doubt. "Now, what can I do for you today? A nice wash and cut would do you good, my friend. What with your long hair."

"Just looking for a change," Charlie replied, sitting down in the empty chair, allowing Alex to fasten a bib around his neck. "Want to start over with a clean slate. Just cut it shorter."

"So how's life outside those iron bars?" Alex asked.

Snip. Snip.

Charlie heard the sounds of scissors and felt the tickle of his hair falling down his neck. "It feels good," Charlie replied with a nod, "real good. You don't know how amazing life is until you don't have control over it anymore. It was bad there and that makes being out all the more amazing." He bowed his head for a moment. "Staying at my mom's right now. Just looking for a way to get back into the swing of things, you know?"

"That's rough, man, but I know you can bounce back, you're a Mitchell after all," Alex said, pausing in his cutting to clap Charlie on the shoulder. "I'm sorry about your father; he had a beautiful ceremony. Everyone came out to give their respects. He would've been mighty proud to see you get out. But, your mom, she's doing mighty fine, never let a day go by where she didn't smile."

"Thank you," Charlie replied. He knew that that was where he got the "Mitchell Fighting Spirit" from, from his mom. She was always strong despite moments in her life where her world was crashing down around her. His wife and son were gone, but his mom was still around; he was going to make her proud. "Really appreciate it."

"Hey, Charlie, you know this world is a fickle place," Alex said as he grasped Charlie's head, gently turning it to the side. He slid a small comb through Charlie's hair, cutting snippets of hair at the end. "We've all got to look out for each other. It just takes that one person to take a risk and stand behind an old friend, no matter what. And your family's been good business to mine. We've got to help each other out."

"I can't thank you enough, bud," Charlie replied.

"Of course, of course," Alex replied with a nod. "And I can look around for jobs for you. You still looking to get your hands dirty?"

Before being sent off to jail, Charlie was a contractor. While floods, mudslides, or tornados were rare in their area, when it hit it hit hard. If he wasn't rebuilding homes or other buildings, he would be sitting at home, waiting for another job while his wife, who was a real estate agent, would be out bringing home money to provide for the family. That was where the trouble all started.

"Looking to work just about anywhere as long as they'll have me and give me a second chance," Charlie replied. "But, I'm looking, yes. I've got to do what I can to get my family back together."

"Understandable," Alex replied. "Well, I'll keep an eye out for you, man, and keep my ears open. If anyone deserves a second chance, it's you." He tilted Charlie's head forward. "Heard from your wife or your son lately? I expect you're mighty proud of your son and all that he's been up to lately."

"I…don't really know how they're doing," Charlie replied after a moment of silence. "I haven't spoken to them."

"No kidding?" Alex asked, dropping his arms. Charlie tilted his head back and saw a shocked and amused look on his friend's face. "You really don't know what your boy's been up to. Shoot, Charlie, you'll be mighty proud." He then whistled and a man in the corner, reading a magazine looked over at him. "Hey, Leo. What's the name of that band that this man's son is in? Logan Mitchell. It's really big now."

"Oh, uh, Rush…or sumthin," the man replied, his salt and pepper mustache twitching before coughed. "Um…Rush…like Rush Limbaugh or sumthin."

"Yeah, yeah, Rush," Alex said, sliding his scissors and his comb into his pocket. "I've got a magazine or something 'round here somewhere. Sit tight."

Charlie wouldn't even have moved if his son was standing right outside the door. He was in awe. _My son is in a band? _He thought to himself. He didn't even know Logan even liked to sing. He knew he missed a lot, but he sure did miss _a lot. _His fingers twitched at his sides as Alex came back over, carrying a stack of newspapers.

"Oh my God," Charlie breathed, a smile coming to his face as he looked at the first scan of a magazine called _U! Girl_. He didn't recognize the three other boys, but they did make a good group. "Big Time Rush." He flipped to the next scan for _Parade Magazine._ And on and on he flipped, with older pictures and newer one. His eyes took in every picture, l

"Ay, that's it," Leo replied in a wheezy tone, nodding his head. "Big Time Rush. My daughter's love 'em. Fine, handsome, young men every one of 'em."

"Really know how to sing," Alex agreed, moving to finish cutting Charlie's hair. "Their albums are incredible; two of them doing well in stores." He clapped Charlie on the shoulder. "You should be proud."

"Mighty proud, mighty proud," Charlie replied with a smile. He looked through the pictures a second time, this time focusing only on his son. _He's grown up so much. _

"Alright, that's it, sir," Alex said as he brushed excess hair from Charlie's shoulders before removing the bib.

"Thank you," Charlie said as he got to his feet. He reached for his wallet, and flipped it open, but Alex grasped his wrist, stopping him.

"It's on me, brother," Alex replied with a shake of his head. "Happy to do you some service today." He then stepped forward to give Charlie a quick hug. "Keep your head high, man. Good things will come, I just know it. You're welcome here at any time, if you need a haircut or if you'd just like to talk."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," Charlie replied. He glanced down at the scans in his hand before looking up at Alex. "Mind if I-?"

"By all means," Alex replied, putting his hands up into the air. "Take 'em. And good luck. I promise to keep an eye out for a job for you."

"I can't thank you enough," Charlie said with a smile as he put his wallet back into his pocket. He rolled up the magazine scans, tucking that into his back pocket as well. "I do appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart." He gripped the magazine scans tightly in his hand as he made his way out of the store.

"Now, that looks lovely," Abigail said with a warm smile, getting up from her seat on the bench outside the store. Charlie instantly moved to grab some of the bags that sat around her. "My handsome son. I can see your eyes again. You look just like your father."

"Thanks, mom," Charlie replied as they started making their way through the town, back to their car.

"It sure is a lovely day out today," Abigail said as she hitched her purse up her shoulder. "The warm sun on your skin. It's great to get out for a little while."

"Yeah, mom, it sure is," Charlie agreed, placing the hand on the small of her back, guiding her through a crowd of people.

"_—don't think he should be back here. i mean, isn't he putting the rest of us in danger? His friends…or suppliers are bound to know he's out."_

_"Keep your voice down, he might hear you."_

"Well, that's our town," Abigail said, reaching out to pat Charlie's hand, giving it a firm squeeze. "You remember of course, they gossip and gossip about the new story until something else blows in."

"I know," Charlie replied with a nod. "After all, I used to be just like them. Seems like a lifetime ago." He sucked in a breath of air before letting it out.

The words hurt, but he couldn't help but smile. Someone was actually going to take a chance with him. He wasn't going to let Alex down. He wasn't going to let anyone down. They deserved that much. He was a well respected man before his jail sentence and he could be that way again. He knew it was going to be hard to gain that respect back, but he was going to try hard.

* * *

**A/N: **I went back and forth about whether or not I was going to have this fic all be from Logan's point of view, or have this from both his and Rhuben's. I decided that this will be mainly Logan's point of view, and see things from Rhuben's from time to time. I'm thinking 80/20.

A few answers to questions.

**SoccerLaxGod25: **Yes, you'll be seeing more of Joanna in this story.

**youspineme: **Good catch. Evelyn was originally going to be her name than I changed it to Abigail, since Evelyn would've been too much emphasis from _Dawson's Creek _on this fic.

Hope you guys liked this chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	4. I Still Taste It

**~04~**

_"Many kids turns to selling drugs. It's not a good career choice, but they see it as a way to get money." -Richard Harris_

* * *

**September 19th, 2012**

******Fort Worth, Texas**

13 years, two weeks, and two days. That was how long Charlie had spent in jail. He wasn't a man normally known for reflections, but being shut up in a gray stone cage changed a person. You could either be a scared little boy and allow everything scare you, or you could be a man and learn the ropes and run things your own way. Either or, it was that simple. Much like how life itself treated you; either people liked you or they didn't. Either they respected you or they didn't.

As he stared at the empty construction sigh through his nose. Construction; also like a person's life. You had to build things from the bottom up. It was a long and hard process, but in the end it was worth it. He had entered jail a scared, ashamed, and depressed man, guilty for the actions he took to try and get ahead in life and he came out strong, determined…and still depressed.

As he shifted the rock and dirt underneath his feet, the hot Texan sun beating down on his head, he knew that this was where he had to be. He had to show his son that you could bounce back from any minor setback…whether or not he wanted to talk to him. He had reached out to his wife through his mom, and _man _was it good to hear her voice. They were civil. He couldn't blame her if she didn't know what to say to him. He could barely form a single thought apart from "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" and he could probably guess that it wasn't something she wanted to hear. She probably wanted to hear how he was going to turn things around.

And he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to do that. Taking everything a day at a time was really the only thing he could do, but that probably wasn't fast enough for her. Hell, it wasn't even fast enough for him, but he knew he had to do it. That's how he survived in jail…if you could call it that. He had to learn how to fight or risk being beaten just for looking at someone sideways. You had to learn how to be a businessman: trading things and bartering for food or toothpaste, or safety. He was good at that; hard not to be if you were in the drug trafficking business.

When word got out that he was in jail for drugs; the offers started coming in; a prime shady spot outside, the best place to eat in the cafeteria, weapons, toothpaste, extended phone time, extra money in his "book", whatever he wanted, as long as he could get them drugs. But, he held his own. It ruined his life before he wasn't about to extend his stay in there.

That was why he learned how to fight. If he turned someone down, it automatically put a target on his back. He didn't really want to say he made friends while he was there—as the idea that having friends in jail was foreign and just didn't sit well with him—but he did have a few people who helped him out. They had things in common; little kids they would never see grow up, wives they disappointed, bad decisions. In that harsh and cruel world, it was a little bit of comfort.

But, it was nothing like going home.

He barely had anything to his name, just a small bag of clothes, a letter, and some money. Despite walking out free, he knew he never really was going to be free. He had to report to a parole officer and have to submit to surprise drug tests, all things he agreed to, but all things that would hold him back and keep close ties with a place he never wanted to return to. Not that the "real world" was much better; his friends had abandoned him, his family moved away. It sucked.

_Wishful thinking, _Charlie thought with a frown, shaking his head. _The world was changing and you were sitting in there hoping that it'd all be the same when you got back. _He bowed his head. _You changed as well. _He lifted his arms, pushing his sleeves up and stared down at the tattoos that that were now visible.

He dragged his fingers over the side of his left forearm where No. 174594 was etched into his skin. He also had a pair of dice on the inside of his right wrist, barbed wire around his right bicep, and his wife and son's names on his left bicep.

It was painful; they didn't have anything to numb the pain and they didn't have the right tools so you were running the risk of infections. But none of it compared to the pain of causing his family to dissolve. Mechanical pencils, staples, paper clips, needles, everything you could think of were used as the "gun." For ink they got even more creative with ink from pens, melted plastic, and boot polish. In return the "tattoo artist" wanted anything from stamps, to food, to cash. Of course for him…it was drugs. He couldn't escape from it no matter what he did.

But, he got out. That was a step in the right direction.

He pushed his shirt sleeves down, turning away from the construction site. Running his fingers over the chain link fence he made his way down the street. His mind, as usual, went back to his son. "I wonder what he's doing right now," he muttered to himself. "How tall he is." He thought back to the newspaper articles he had. "I can't believe he sings." He sighed through his nose. "My little boy is doing something his old man couldn't do—"

"What's that?" a voice behind him asked. "Stay out of trouble? Make money? Or all of the above."

Charlie's breath caught in his throat. His fingers curled around the fence, squeezing together, the chain cutting into the groove of his fingers. "Yeah."

"So, how've you been, Charlie?" the voice asked. It was gruff and deep and it made a shiver run down Charlie's spine. "Glad to see you're out."

_Move, _Charlie thought to himself. _Move your feet. _He slowly let go of the fence, but he still didn't turn around. He heard a deep chuckle behind him.

"Not talking to me anymore?"

Charlie started walking, keeping his head held high. He trained his ears, trying to figure out if the person behind him was following him. He wasn't sure, his heart was beating too loud and too fast. He didn't want to risk glancing over his shoulder; in the off chance a police officer was making rounds, it'd look too suspicious.

"_I'll let the others know! Good to see you, sir. Real good._ _We could use you again; get us some easy money._"

"Easy money," Charlie repeated as he rounded the corner. "If it's so easy, why is it so risky?"

He was walking faster and he tried to slow down. He shook out his arms and hands, tried to make his gait more normal and fluid. He wanted to put his hands into his pockets. Bad move; it made him look suspicious, like he was hiding something. Pockets were a normal placement for his hands, but not anymore. It was too risky.

His life used to be a big risky. Getting up early, going to work, and on lunch break he would leave, meet up with his suppliers, drink, get information on his next sale, go back to work, finish the day, stay late and make the sale. Not only was he compromising his reputation, but by working on the construction site, he was compromising the reputation of the company. Partially built houses; it was great cover. And also an obvious place for something shady to go down whether it was trespassing teenagers looking for something to vandalize or a place to have a party or for…well, illegal things.

He couldn't believe it when he got busted. He couldn't believe it when the cold handcuffs were slapped onto his wrists, when the red and blue lights blinded him, when the sirens deafened him. He was sure he peed his pants, he was that scared. He knew his life was over the minute he heard a deep voice bellow, "_Freeze_."

Heart pounding in his chest, his fingers shaking, the money had slipped from his hands, fluttering to the ground, caught in the harsh white light of the flashlight. He could feel the gravel underneath his chin, the dirt in his mouth, the knee in his back, pushing the air out of his lungs. The screams, the cursing it surrounded him, disorienting him.

And then he was away from it all, but he was now in the back seat of the police car. His chest heaved, as he took in and released shaky breaths. The tires crunched over the gravel as he was driven out of the construction site leaving months of hard work, and secret work, behind. He hung his head, his vision blurring as tears welled up in his eyes.

_Pat. Pat._

The tears dropped onto his jeans, a contrast of dark blue against the gray of the dirt. His shoulders were burning, his chest ached, his head throbbed and his stomach was twisting into knots. He felt that familiar coppery taste fill up his mouth. He swallowed thickly, but it kept coming. His stomach lurched. He pressed his lips together.

"Sir…can you…please pull over?" Charlie asked, his forehead pressed to the back of the divider in the car. "I think I'm going to—" His words died as he gagged and then threw up onto the floor. His nose wrinkled at the smell and he groaned. He twisted his head to wipe his mouth on his shirt. "Sorry."

He didn't get a response, but the police officer merely looked at him in the rearview before putting his eyes back onto the road. Charlie shifted his feet, trying to get them away from the puddle of regurgitated food. It smelled, his nose stung, his stomach ached. Tears continually slid down his cheeks. He tried wiping them but would make himself feel even more sick when he would use the wrong shoulder and ended up putting his puke back on his face.

Then he was all but dragged into the police station. He tried to dry his face and take everything that was happening. But, he couldn't deny that he was scared. The handcuffs were removed, he gave his fingerprints, he took his mug shot, was strip searched. It all happened so fast, he couldn't think as he was guided from room to room. He felt dirty and violated, he just wanted to shrink in on himself.

"_How long have you been selling drugs?_"

"About a year…little over maybe."

"_How much did you make for selling cocaine? Weed?_"

"Three or four hundred. It depends."

"_What else do you do? Do you sell drugs all the time?_"

"No. I'm a Contractor."

On and on and on the by the time he was finally allowed a phone call. He stared at the phone before reaching out with a shaky hand. He was shaking all over. He let out a breath through his nose, pressing his lips together, before raking his fingers through his hair. His feet were tapping the ground uncontrollably as he started to pace.

"Look, do you want your phone call or not?" a booming voice shouted in his ear, making him jump. "Huh? Make the call or get over here!"

Charlie nodded and nodded and nodded as he faced the phone again. He lifted it off the receiver and nestled it between his ear and shoulder. He lifted a finger and jabbed the first number…and he held it there, his shoulders slumping. The dial tone hummed in his ear before, shaking his head he entered in the rest of his phone number.

_Brrriiiing. Brrrriiiiing. Brrriii-_

"_Hello_?"

The tears started to fall again as his wife's soothing voice reached his ears. He could hear his little boy in the background laughing and giggling about something. He wanted to be there in his warm, and safe, home. Someone cleared their throat behind him and he sighed.

"Hi, sweetheart," he barely managed to choke out.

"_Hi, honey. We were just about to start dinner. Are you running late tonight? Where are you?_"

So many questions, but that one stuck out. He opened and closed his mouth. He clenched his teeth, putting a hand over his face. "I..I'm in…"

"_Honey, are you ok_?"

"N-no," he whispered, shaking his head. "It's…it's bad, s-sweetheart. I'm, uh, I'm in…in jail."

Silence.

Whoever said 'Silence is a scary sound' was right. Ever since, Charlie hated the silence. He hated not knowing what was going to happen. He hated having to look over his shoulder on a simple walk on his way home.

"Excuse me, sir." Charlie looked up from the ground and gave a half smile to a little girl who was standing at the end of her driveway, waving her hand to get his attention. He turned to face her and she pointed. "Could you get my ball, please?"

Charlie looked around and found a red kickball sitting in the ditch of the house across the street. Charlie walked over and picked it up, walking it over to her. "Here you go," he said, handing it to her. She grinned, revealing a black splotch where her two front teeth were missing.

"Thank ya, I'm not 'llowed a cross the street," the girl said, holding the ball to her stomach. She tilted her head to the side. "You 'lone?"

"Just walking around," Charlie replied, taking a small step back from her. "Haven't been here in a long time."

"I've lived here all ma life," the girl replied as she started bouncing the ball a little bit.

Charlie chuckled. "So, have I," he replied. The girl gave him a curious look, her nose wrinkling. She twisted her mouth to the side and looked at him as if he was pulling her leg. "I was just 'bout—"

"_Get away from my daughter_."

Charlie looked up, backing away as a woman came rushing out of the garage. He put his hands up defensively. "Ma'am I was just—"

"Don't think I don't know about you, boy," the woman said as she grasped her daughter's arm before roughly lifting her into her arms. The girl whined as he ball bounced away. "You stay away from my daughter, y'hear?"

"Mommy, he wath getting my ball," the girl said with a deep frown, putting an arm around her mom's neck, the other planted on her hip. "My ball—"

"That's enough," the woman said to her daughter before glaring at Charlie. "Stay away from my daughter. Surprised they let people like you back inta society, what with the danger y'all bring with y'all."

"I understand, ma'am," Charlie said with a nod, backing away from the two of them. "I was jus' returning her ball, ma'am." He lifted his hand as if he was tipping a hat and continued on his way down the street.

He kicked at a rock and watched as it bounced down the road. He couldn't even go on a walk around the city without being judged as a dangerous person. He wasn't in a gang, he just made one mistake. One long and costly mistake.

Charlie stretched his arms up over his head before raking his fingers through his hair. How was he going to prove to people that he had changed and that he deserved a second chance if people weren't going to give it to him? He knew that if he lived in a bigger city, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but North Richland Hills was his home. He was lucky to even be getting a chance at working with the contracting company. Nothing was set in stone; he had to work for a little while and be under a lot of scrutiny before he officially got the job or not.

He just had to keep his head high and work towards his goal; getting enough money to be able to visit his song. That is, if he even wanted to see him. He never got word back from his wife and playing phone tag with her and his own mother; having them relay messages back and forth to try and set things up was too much of a hassle for them and he was just so anxious about getting a definite answer.

If it was a yes; he'd be elated and work out how he was going to set things up as well as figure out how he was going to explain to his son why he did what he did.

If it was a no; it would hurt and he was still going to find a way to explain to his son why he did what he did.

He made his way back to his home and kicked off his shoes in the foyer. He peered at the pictures of him when he was a kid as he passed through the living room, making his way to the kitchen. He grabbed an apple from the bowl and took a large bite out of it, moving to sit at the kitchen table. He looked around as he slowly chewed.

His life had changed so quickly; he had his own home and his own family and now here he was, back with his mom. He took another bite out of his apple. He made up his mind. He _was _going to get his life and his family back no matter how long it took.

"Boy, what do you think you're doing?"

Charlie took another bite of his apple, quirking an eyebrow, as he watched her make her way into the room and over to the steaming pot he now saw sitting on the stove. "Eating," he replied simply. "You said I was too thin, remember."

"Don't back sass me," Abigail said moving to swat his arm. "You very well knew that I was making chili for dinner tonight." She shook her head as she removed the top from the pot and stirred it with the spoon. "Ruining your appetite."

"It's an apple," Charlie pointed out to her, his cheek bulging. "You know people in jail would kill for one of these." He leaned back in his chair. "And I'm not joking; I've seen it."

"I'm sure you have," Abigail muttered with a sigh.

He watched her fix dinner tension between them building. He could feel it; he could feel all of the unanswered questions. "Why didn't you tell me about Logan, mom?" he asked quietly. She briefly looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me that he's so successful in California?"

"Because Joanna specifically told me not to tell you," Abigail replied, stirring faster, her bony elbow jutting out into the air. "Just like she asked me not to tell you her whereabouts. Now, I already got an earful from her just for telling you that she and Logan moved." She sighed, stopping what she was doing. "But, she didn't see you; she didn't see how distraught you were."

Charlie loudly bit into the apple, filling up the space from where he knew that she wanted him to answer. He could see where his wife was coming from. But, it hurt. They had abandoned him. He knew that they had to move on with their lives, he didn't know how hard it was for them outside of the jail, and he couldn't imagine the things that were said to them or about them. But, it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Just ask, ma," he said after a moment of silence and Abigail peered curiously at him. "Ask me why I sold the drugs. I know you want to ask."

Abigail turned to face her son, moving to kiss the top of his head. "Son, the only people you need to explain that to is Joanna and Logan," she said to him, stroking his cheek with her thumb. "I've always told you that I may not agree with your decisions, but I will always stand behind you."

"I know," Charlie replied with a nod, reaching for his phone as his buzzed in his pocket. He opened the text message and stopped short.

**Unknown: **_Glad you're back. Up for a hit?_

Charlie twisted his mouth to the side before closing his cell phone. He couldn't deny that it was tempting; he could quickly and easily make up the money to fly out to see his son, faster than working construction. But, he wanted to start over; start making money on his own again and to stop taking shortcuts like that or like asking his mom for the money.

But, the one question he always got, but never gave the full answer to was, why he sold drugs in the first place.

* * *

**A/N: BigTimeFan'10: **The titles are song lyrics to the Boys Like Girls song of the same name. Which, I don't own.

I didn't intend for this chapter to mainly be description, but I think it worked well. What do you guys think? Should I have had more dialogue? The main thing I was trying to show was a little glimpse about what happened the night he was arrested. I'll be going more into that later.

Things get better for Charlie, it's not all depressing things for him. And he'll be in contact/meeting Logan _real_ soon for all of you guys waiting for that.

Hope you guys liked the chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	5. It's So Hard to Let Go

**~05~**

_"Life is like a wheel. Sooner or later, it always comes around to where you started again" -Stephen King_

* * *

**September 20th, 2012**

**Los Angeles, California**

Loan Mitchell was 18 years old now. According to state law her was a man. But, he didn't feel like one. He felt like a scared little boy. The scared little boy who talked like an adult. The scared little boy he was all those years ago; who followed the straight and narrow path, who didn't do anything wrong because he was scared of doing something bad. His dad had gone to jail for doing a "bad thing."

"_A life without risks, is a life unlived, my friend_." Kendall had said that to him over and over again for years, trying to get him to live a little. But, he just couldn't break having to be the good guy. Yes, he had taken some risks as he grew up-with Kendall as a friend it was kind of impossible not to-but he always weighed out the options.

_How much trouble would they get in_? A lot.

_What was the probability that they would get in trouble_? 100%

_How much fun would it be_? That depended on how much trouble they got in.

_Was there a chance of talking Kendall out of it_? Slim to none.

Especially if Carlos immediately jumped in without a second thought and if the plan had anything to do with girls, you could bet James was in on it as well. Which lead all three of them to look over at him, to judge him, to wonder whether or not he was going to set the "good boy" role aside and do something fun for once? Ultimately, to stop being a "freaking stick in the mud" as Carlos eloquently put it.

But, it was getting arrested for the brawl at the auditions for Gustavo Rocque that really freaked him out. He tried not to show it; he tried to think it was a cool thing and it was all worth it, but he was terrified. One minute he was all but being strangled by a security guard and the next, he heard a booming voice yell, "_We have a disturbance down at the Paramount Theater, bring back up, now_."

And then he was being led out of the theater by a burly man with a tight grip on his arm. He held Carlos with his other hand, ignoring the shouts and screams of protest coming from his friends. He could barely hear them; everything seemed to be muted, save for the harsh beating of his heart.

_Oh my god, _he thought, trying to regain control of his breathing. _Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. _He swallowed thickly. _Mom's going to kill me. _He grimaced when the police officer tightened his grip on his arm. His wrist started to feel heavy, he could feel his arm throbbing in time with his heart beat.

Suddenly, he was pushed into a wall, his arms jerked behind his back. He heard a cranking sound and then jumped slightly when he felt the cold steel of handcuffs were slapped onto his wrists and painfully tightened, cutting into his skin.

He pressed his cheek into the wall and looked over at James, who was shouting something about Gustavo being evil and about how he was messing up his hair. But, Logan saw the hint of fear in his friend's eyes. None of their antics had ever gotten them in this kind of trouble. Not even when they soaked the girls' field hockey team. Yes, it was exhilarating at the time, but not until they started running after them with their sticks, ready to beat them down, much like the little batons police officers had.

He was then pulled away from the wall. His friends weren't screaming anymore. They all looked around worriedly as the security guards talked quietly to one another. He couldn't hear what they were saying. He just knew they were in big trouble. They had all but hijacked a woman just so he could drive through town, on icy roads, (going way under the speed limit, and then way over the speed limit at his friends' badgering), parking in the middle of the street, just to get James an audition with _the _Gustavo Rocque. It all didn't seem so important now.

"Officer, please listen," Kendall was saying in the most calm tone he could manage at the time. But, he looked shaken up as well. "This is just a big misunderstanding. You see, Gustavo Rocque told my friend that he has no talent and-"

"He was being a giant turd about it, too," Carlos added and Kendall shot him an annoyed look. Carlos gave him an apologetic look. "We have rights don't we?" Carlos whimpered when the security guard gave him a harsh glare.

"You can bring that up with the police," the security guard as he marched them towards the doors of the Paramount Theater. Logan's eyes widened. A cop car was waiting for them, lights flashing, smoke coming out of the exhaust system. The car doors opened and two police officers stepped out of the car, adjusting their pants, before slamming the car doors shut.

Logan's breath came out quickly through his nose. His chest heaved, he was getting lightheaded. _Breathe, Logan, breathe_, he coached himself. He swallowed thickly opening his mouth, letting his breath rush out in a _whoosh_. "Alright, boys," the tallest of the two police officers said, motioning for the four boys to step forward. "Now, let's just calm down."

"Now, what exactly happened here?" the second police officer asked.

Logan couldn't remember what happened after that. One minute, he was standing out in the cold night in front of Paramount, listening to his friends give their names and address and answering questions that were being thrown their way. He didn't know if they believed what they were saying. He didn't know what he said; he felt his lips move, but he couldn't hear what he was saying.

And the next minute, he was on the Knights front porch with Mrs. Knight and Katie staring at them, and Kendall was trying to soften the blow with some carefully crafted words, and a warm smile. That would not fly with his mom. He was scared to go home. Of course she knew what happened at this point; they had asked for their names and addresses. They were lucky to have gotten off with a warning as they hadn't done anything against the law before.

But, he didn't get warning from his mom. In fact, all she did was make him promise that nothing like that would happen again. She seemed relieved of anything. And so was he; relieved that everything seemed to be ok. She wasn't mad and he wasn't in jail. But, looking back on it, he wondered what it was that made her so relieved about it. What was it that his dad had done to make her so worried?

And that was what he had been asking himself for days. Nothing else seemed to matter; not school work, not studio work, not rehearsals. Ever since he heard his father had been released from jail, his mind was always on it. What would his life been like if his dad was always around? Would he have moved to Minnesota? Why did they move to Minnesota? Did his dad know what he was doing now? Was he proud? Did he ever think about him at all? Question after question, after question. He couldn't focus on anything else and everyone else seemed to notice.

"_What's wrong, Logan_?" My dad just got out of jail after 13 years, but other than that, nothing.

"_Are you ok_?" My dad wants to get in touch with me after so long. But other than that, I'm peachy.

"_What's up? You seem out of it_." I'm trying to figure out whether or not I want to find out why my dad was sent to jail. That's all I've been thinking about lately. That's why I've been out of it.

Logan let out a heavy sigh, running his hands over his face, staring at the Google web page in front of him. _Charlie Mitchell Jail 1999 _stared back at him. All he had to do was hit the enter key, and he would get all of his answers. But, was he really ready for that? Yes, he knew there was the chance that it wasn't as narrow a search term, so he probably wouldn't get what he was looking for, but it was worth a shot. He just needed to pick up the nerve to actively search.

"Hey, Loganator," James said, knocking on the doorframe of Logan's bedroom door. Logan pulled his laptop close, giving James his full attention. "Kendall and Carlos want to head out to Santa Monica Pier with everybody. You in?"

"Um," Logan replied, glancing down at the top of his computer before looking up at his friend. His eyes narrowed slightly when he saw that James was holding up two shirts in his hands, occasionally moving them over his chest. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to decide which shirt looks best on me," James replied as if it was obvious, and it was. He turned to face the mirror on the wall, continuing to try and decide which shirt to wear. He decided on the black shirt in his hands and tossed the navy one onto the foot of Logan's bed. "So, are you coming or not?"

"I don't know," Logan replied with a shake of his head. "I have homework to do and-"

"Logan, you've been falling behind on your homework for a while now," James said with a short laugh. "I thought you were starting to realize it wasn't that important." Logan twisted his mouth to the side. "It'll still be here when we get back. What's one more day?"

"Am I going to have to do your homework too?" Logan asked dryly and James gave him a wide, toothy smile.

"I thought you'd never ask," James replied and Logan rolled his eyes, putting his forehead into his palm. "Seriously, though, what's up?"

_There's that question, again_, Logan thought, letting out a breath of air through his nose. "Just fallen behind on homework, that's all," Logan replied, with a shake of his head. "And Gustavo is already pushing us to start coming up with new songs for the third album, and-"

"And you're trying to figure out how to get Rhuben's attention," James interrupted, giving his friend a knowing look. Logan's eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn't say anything. That was partially true.

Before he, Kendall, Carlos, and James had gone on their All Over the World Tour, he and Rhuben had talked about the idea of getting back together. They both had agreed to take the time apart to think about it and their feelings and to see where they were when they got back. But, they hadn't talked about it since. Sure, he could give her some leeway as she was helping her dad scout for other bands for his record company, her therapy appointments, some interviews here and there, and visiting some of her new relatives, but it wasn't like he knew how to bring up the subject again anyway.

Their friendship was built upon being able to talk about anything and everything whenever they needed, but there were some things that was hard to start a conversation about. Fact of the matter was, he was kind of avoiding her. Yes, she did know that his father was in jail, and he knew that she would understand everything if he just told her, it was just the talking part that was going to be hard.

Not just because he didn't know how she'd react to him being out of jail, but how she'd react to him not telling her ever since he found out was the big problem. Would she be mad? Upset? Betrayed? He could guess that she already knew something was bothering him, she was that good at reading him.

"Don't think I don't know that you two have been looking at each other lately," James commented with a weird smile, wiggling his eyebrows. "So, what are you going to do about Camille?"

Logan let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Girls are the least of my worries right now_, he thought to himself. _But, leave it to James to bring that up._ "I don't know," he replied. And he honestly didn't know what he was going to do. He truly cared about both Camille and Rhuben and they both had been his first and second serious relationships, but both of them had ended on weird notes.

Camille had kissed James while working on an audition, prompting their break up then, and when he was dating Rhuben, they broke up because Rhuben's friendship with Camille was being severed because she was dating him. To say he didn't have the best record with dating was an understatement at best. That was the least of his problems, though.

"Well, Rhuben or Camille, you'll definitely be getting either f their attention with that new leather jacket you got," James commented and Logan rolled his eyes. "Hell, you'd probably get everybody's attention." A look of horror seemed to briefly cross his face before he smiled at Logan again. "Hey, buddy-"

"You want to borrow the jacket, don't you?" Logan asked, deadpan. He quirked an eyebrow. "Was that the only reason why you came in here?"

"Noooo," James replied with a shake of his head, moving to sit down at the end of Logan's bed. Logan gave James a pointed look. "It's part of the reason."

"Mhm." Logan rolled his eyes a second time. "And the other reason."

"Wanted to see what's been bothering you lately, dude," James replied, gently hitting Logan's foot. "You haven't been yourself."

"Of course I have," Logan replied, his voice cracking slightly, eyes widening.

James laughed. "Logan, Carlos nearly got his head stuck in the vending machine in the Palm Woods lobby because you weren't there to try and talk him out of it," he pointed out. His smile faded a little bit. "Seriously, we're all worried."

"You have nothing to worry about," Logan replied, swinging his legs over the side of his bed, getting to his feet. "I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. I'm perfect. Rushtastic even." He pointed his fingers into 'guns' and pointed at James, grinning. "Bleep, blap, bloop."

James's eyebrows shot up and Logan nearly slapped himself in the forehead. Of course James would know that he only blurted out "bleep, blap, bloop" when he was nervous or trying to hide that something was going on. He wasn't the best at keeping secrets and often flip-flopped over whether or not he was going to tell anybody about what was going on.

James, Carlos, and Kendall weren't just his best friends, they were his brothers. They knew everything about him-or rather what he would share-his mannerisms, how he acted when he was sick, what ticked him off, but he couldn't just open up and tell him what was going on with his dad. He didn't think he really had to. If they all respected Kendall's wishes about never talking about his dad, why couldn't he ask for the same thing? Well, he knew that the minute he asked, they'd probably wonder and talk about him and his dad behind his back.

He knew he'd tell them eventually, what held him back was ultimately how they'd react. He was incredibly angry at Kendall's father, Kevin, when he had found out about how his friend used to be pushed around by his dad, and he felt even worse when he found out his childhood friends had dealt with the same thing. He also saw how James's parents' divorce had affected not only James, but everyone else in the group. There was no telling how they'd react if and when he told them about his dad. Carlos was the only one with an (arguably) stable life-and he only said arguably because of how wacked out his friend was. But, through all of that, they all showed that they were incredibly close and had each other's back.

"Actually, the pier sounds fun, I'm in," Logan replied, getting to his feet. James's eyebrows stayed where they were and Logan let out a heavy sigh. "Fine, you can borrow the jacket _if_-" he pointed a warning finger in James's face as his taller friend jumped to his feet, "it fits."

"Psssh, I'll make it fit," James replied, raking his fingers through his hair. "Besides, this outfit _screams _leather jacket." He waved his hands up and down his sides.

Logan's upper lip curled slightly. "I hate to admit it, but you're right," he replied through clenched teeth.

"Of course I am," James said with a wink. He then slapped himself in the forehead, as if he forgot something else. "So, where do you stand on those sunglasses?"

"Out," Logan said, briefly closing his eyes. James pressed his lips together, turned on his heels, and then made his way out of the room, calling to Logan that they'd all be waiting for him down in the lobby. He quickly changed clothes and put on some cologne before grasping his wallet, sliding it into his jeans pockets. He stepped out of his room and saw Mrs. Knight carrying a basket of laundry out of James and Carlos's room. "Hey, Mama Knight, can I talk to you for a minute?"

It was a quick decision, that he would ask her for advice, but she was always around to lend a listening ear and to give advice. Sometimes she even gave advice when he, nor anyone else, wanted it at the time. But, the best thing was that she never threw things back in your face if you chose not to follow what it was that she told them to do to avoid any conflicts.

"Sure, sweetie," Mrs. Knight replied, setting her basket down onto the kitchen table. "What's wrong?" She started lifting a shirt out of the basket and folding it.

"Well…you know about my dad," Logan muttered, scratching the back of his neck. Mrs. Knight paused in what she was doing, but nodded. "And…and do you know about…lately?"

"Yes, I do," Mrs. Knight replied with a nod. Logan nodded. Silence fell between the two of them. "Your mother told me a few days ago."

She started shaking a shirt into the air before folding it against her chest before setting it down onto a stack on the table. She then reached for a pair of socks. She tilted her head to the side when he didn't say anything. It was a comfort that she knew what was going on, it took a little bit of the weight off his shoulders.

"We can talk later if you want, sweetie."

"No, it's ok," Logan replied, giving a fleeting smile. "I just…do you think I should talk to my dad?"

"Unfortunately, Logan, I can't really give you that answer," Mrs. Knight replied after a moment of silence. "You see, it doesn't matter what I think, what matters is what you and Joanne want to do about this." She raked her fingers through her hair. "But, if you're anything like Kendall, I know, even now, that there's a part of you that wants to understand why everything happened and wants to know if your father really does care for you. I'm not trying to compare your lives or anything, but you have what he doesn't have…a father that's reaching out."

_That's true_, Logan thought with a nod. Kendall had basically given up over ever hearing from his dad again, after the fiasco that was Kevin Knight defending Robert Jackson in the court case about his alleged abuse. It was pretty ironic, not in a funny way, but in a 'You've-_got_-to-be-kidding-me' kind of way. The point was, Kendall seemed to be ok with it. Everyone just dropped the subject of his father after that and Kendall put his attention on his music and his family.

"It's just…I don't know how he's going to fix things, or how he even thinks he'd be able to do that," Logan said, leaning against the back of the chair in front of him. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a breath of air. "Mama Knight…do you know why my dad was in jail?" Logan opened his eyes and looked into Mrs. Knight's warm green ones. She set her jaw before pressing her lips tightly together. "Will you tell me?"

"It's not my place to tell you," Mrs. Knight replied, reaching out a hand to cup his cheek, rubbing her thumb back and forth.

"Right," Logan said with a nod. "Right, of course." He gave a fleeting smile. "Have a good night. We won't be out too late."

* * *

**Santa Monica, California**

Logan leaned back against the hard metal seat of the Ferris Wheel, looking out over the Santa Monica pier and the warm glow of the lights of the city. The sky, which was once a brilliant shade of blue, was slowly morphing into majestic purples and pinks; puffy peach colored clouds dotting the looked to his left and looked at the profile of Riley Jackson as she licked the foam of a root beer float from her lips, smiling happily as she jabbed her straw into the glass in her hands, looking to see how much ice cream she had left to eat. He swiveled his head to the right and saw Rhuben looking through the viewfinder of her camera, snapping pictures of the beach, the sky, and the landscape below.

"So, what's been going on?" he asked, breaking the silence, instantly catching the twin girls' attention. It scared him sometimes, how they could both be so independent from each other, and yet still do things like talk at the same time, or give identical looks, or move in the same way. In this case, it freaked him out how they both swiveled their heads to look at him at the same time. "Haven't seen you guys around lately."

"Are you really going to do that?" Riley asked, deadpan, leaning forward slightly to catch her sister's eye. Logan quirked an eyebrow. "Are you actually going to talk to us as if we've had a falling out and haven't seen each other for years and when we do we have the awkward, 'how are you? I'm fine' conversation when neither of them really care? That. Are you actually going to do that?"

Rhuben rolled her eyes. "We've been best friends for…nine years and we've never once had that kind of conversation with you." She then peered closely at him. "We've been busy. Therapy, music, interviews, meeting our family-"

"Which hasn't always been pretty," Riley said, lifting her glass to her mouth and Rhuben nodded. She let out a sigh and licked her lips a second time. "Entertaining, but not pretty." Logan cracked a small, laughing a little bit.

The Jacksons weren't too fond of meeting Ronan's family. But, that was mainly due in part to the fact that his parents, Bishop and Marilyn, weren't the most open people out there. They weren't all that happy with knowing their son was making a rash decision of adopting the five kids. Bishop was coming around after taking the time to get to know the five of them but Marilyn was stuck in her old ways; always having a comment about everything they said or did.

That's not to say that the Jacksons were on their best behavior at all times; they knew they could get on Marilyn's bad side and sometimes played it up. It was funny to him: they always said that they weren't as bad as their public images portrayed them, but sometimes he wondered just how much of a stretch it really was.

"You haven't been around much either," Riley pointed out, handing him her glass. He took the cool container and lifted it to his mouth, drinking the carbonation, allowing the burning sensation and the sweet taste to momentarily override his senses.

"Just homework and stuff," Logan replied with a shrug.

"Lie," Rhuben automatically replied and he turned to look at her. "We know you, Logie, we can tell when you're lying. You don't do it often, but you give it away."

"Plus, you've been talking with a Southern accent lately," Riley added. Logan took another long drink from her root beer float. "You only do that when you're mad about something; or if you've been in Texas for more than a week."

"Have not," he said as soon as he swallowed.

"Have too," the girls said in unison, in the same inflection.

Logan stayed silent, pressing his lips together. "It's, um, about your dad, isn't it?" Rhuben asked. "How he's out of jail?" Riley reached out and slapped Rhuben's thigh with a loud _crack_. Logan's eyes widened. His heart skipped a beat as he whipped his head around to face her. She merely blinked back at him, waiting for an answer.

"H-how do you know that?" he asked quietly.

Rhuben looked over at Riley before putting her attention on the camera in her hands. She started shifting through all of the pictures on the display, before looking up at the skyline as they slowly started the descent to the bottom. "How do I know anything?" she asked. It sounded like she was asking herself more than him, but he often wondered how she, and her brothers and sister, knew a lot about things whether or not he said it. "We just know; Riles and I just know."

"We didn't tell the kids," Riley added, raking her fingers through her hair. "Ronan doesn't know either; not if you don't want us to tell him." She gently bumped his shoulder with her own. "So…how are you doing? Really?"

"I don't know," Logan mumbled in a reply. "I don't know what I want to do or what I'm going to do. I don't know why he was put there and I don't know if I want to know why he was put there. I just never thought I'd see the day when he'd…when he'd come back." He rested his head back against the metal paneling behind him. "Did I ever tell you why I wanted to become a doctor?"

"Because we did a lot of stupid and dangerous things as kids?" Riley asked with a short laugh. "Like when we tried kloofing in the overflowing creek when we were kids?"

"And we fell into that mud quicksand and we had to get sprayed down by your mom before we could get anywhere near your house?" Rhuben asked and Logan let out a loud bark of laughter.

"Or when we got chased by the roosters at Cedar Crest Ranch because we thought it would be funny to throw the chicken feed at it?" Logan asked as the three of them started laughing. He lifted his hand and gently traced a scar along the side of wrist from where he had gotten pecked. "That was your fault, though. And you wonder why we think all your 'good ideas' are stupid."

His laughter faded slightly. "Despite all of our mishaps as kids," Logan said, handing Riley her glass back for her to finish her root beer float, "I always told myself that I would get into a profession that would keep me out of trouble…so I wouldn't have any reason to end up like my dad, or to hurt my mom like he did."

"I'm not even sticking with that anymore because I'm doing this. But, I'm not ashamed or mad. I'm helping my mom out; giving her break from having to work so hard to save up money to send me to medical school because I'm making the money all by myself. I wanted to make her proud; I wanted to show her that out of the two men in her life, this one wasn't going to do something stupid. And now he's back; what if he messes up again? What if my mom has another break down? What if everything goes to hell like it was before we moved to Minnesota?"

"I wanted to make sure that she could live a stable life and not have to worry about money or what people had to say about her or her husband because I was making headlines and bringing in the money. And that's completely selfish, but my whole life has been dictated by what he did or didn't do. I want to show people that I'm not him, that I can help people whether it's just by waving at them in a crowd or…making their hospital stay that much more comfortable. The thing is, I want to have a respectable career so no one can compare me to him."

"That's not being selfish," Riley said with a shake of her head. "It's being realistic. Your mom or dad might've thought that one he got out things would return to normal, but life doesn't work that way."

"We know firsthand," Rhuben added with an odd laugh and Riley nodded in agreement. "You can't have high expectations about this or it'll all turn to shit faster than you can blink. So, have you talked to him?"

"No," Logan replied with a shake of his head. "I don't know if I want to."

"You should," Riley and Rhuben said together. Logan looked back and forth between the two of them. Riley was the first to explain."If it's anything we've learned in our short lives, it's that you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. One minute things will be hunky dory, and the next your life changes forever. There hasn't been a time where I haven't thought about our parents and hated how the last thing I said to them, when I was sure they could hear me, was that I hated them."

Logan winced slightly. The Jacksons barely ever talked about their parents and he often wondered if they ever really had closure with their sudden death. But, to have them slowly start to open up about it and to him made him feel proud of what they've accomplished and how far they had come. He could see that things were still hard for them, but they went in with their heads held high. He was proud to be their friend.

"And you're getting something we always wanted," Rhuben added, "a family. We got ours and you're getting yours back. It won't be easy but…I doubt it'll be any harder than Gustavo Rocque's Boy Band Boot Camp."

"Or trying to get you guys to be my friend again," Logan muttered and Riley shoved his shoulder.

"Low blow, Hortense, low blow," Riley said with a shake of her head.

Logan laughed, shaking his head. The rest of the ride, they talked and laughed with each other as for the minute he set his feet back down on the ground, he'd have to face reality and the computer search that was still waiting for him back at the Palm Woods.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait with this chapter. I was incredibly lazy lately. But, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I'm going to go more into the Hortense/Logan thing as the story goes on. I'm trying a different writing style in the case of writing flashbacks. I don't think I've got the tense of the words right. What do you guys think? Could you tell what was a flashback? Did it easily flow into the flashback and out of it?

Do you think I kept James in character in regards to the show?

**PS: **There aren't any pics that goes along with this chapter.

**Cheers,**

**-Rhuben**


	6. So Breathe In Now

**~06~**

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." -Oprah Winfrey

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

"I'm just saying, I think we should've at least seen what it was that Logan's dad did before telling him to talk to him."

Rhuben twisted her mouth to the side as she watched Riley pace back and forth in front of her bed. She thought that what she had done was right. After all, if it wasn't for Kendall and Logan, they wouldn't have the family they always wanted; in two different ways. None of the Jacksons could really remember a time where they were truly happy apart from having Ronan as their dad. He was their friend first and always showed that he truly cared about them and their well being.

The other part of their family was Big Time Rush. Not that any of them had ever really expressed that thought to the boys at all, but it showed. Whenever there was good news to be shared, they were the first to call and relay the information. They were each other's support systems, and grew to be close friends with each other over the years. Something that the Jacksons hadn't had a lot of, so they did everything they could to keep it.

Unfortunately, some bad advice could change that and Rhuben didn't want that on her conscience. Logan was her oldest and closest friend; he had always been there to help her when she needed it; or rather, allowed herself to ask for help. She told him things that other people didn't know and entrusted him with a lot of things. She did know that she jumped to conclusions about how things were going to turn out; but that was just due in part to the fact that she was so used to one little thing she did ruining things for herself and for others.

The worst thing for her in this point in time was for any of them to not want to be her friend anymore. It was a possibility, but she also knew that the Big Time Rush boys were incredibly loyal to not only her but her family as a whole. They knew they had a dark past and they hadn't left them now, but they didn't know everything so it was a big possibility.

"I get that, but this is Logan we're talking about," Rhuben said, setting her computer aside, removing her glasses to rub at her eyes. "He deserves a family as much as we do, but he should be the one to tell us what his dad did."

Riley snorted with a brief roll of her eyes. "Since when are we the type to _not _snoop?" she asked.

Rhuben couldn't help but laugh a little bit and Riley gave her an amused smile. They _were _a devious bunch; helping Kendall out with plans to get things to go their way, manipulating things to turn out the way they want, and just doing some things because they were bored. But, when it came down to it, they were professional people; working hard and getting new music done when the time called for it.

"True," Rhuben said, putting her glasses back on her nose. She pulled the ribbon out of her hair, feeling her hair tumble down to her shoulders before gathering it up in a ponytail, securing the ribbon around it.

"And it's not like we haven't wondered what his dad had done to get put in jail," Riley continued and Rhuben nodded again. Ever since Logan had told them about his dad, she had wondered what it was that he did.

They were eight, almost nine years old at the time. Sucking and slurping on popsicles, mouths sticky from the syrup, the three friends stomped through the woods, heading from the creek to the Mitchell household. It was cooler in the shade and the smearing of the cherry, grape, and orange flavored ice around their mouths has helped as well, but nothing could beat the sticky, humid air, then air conditioning.

"I'll race you back," Riley had said in her thick accent, her pig tails swinging with each step. She took a bite of her cherry popsicle and started loudly chomping on it. She smacked her lips before licking them.

"It's too hot," Logan protested around his orange popsicle, using one hand to pull his shirt away from his stomach.

"You just don't wanna lose," Rhuben said, scratching at the bug bites on the back of one leg with her other foot before hurrying to catch up to them. Her shoes squished with each step, pushing out some of the water.

She hated the feeling of wet socks and shoes, and the bugs were eating her alive. But, if it was something she learned over the years; it was to suck it up and keep your mouth shut no matter what it was that was bothering her. All of these were minor complaints compared to everything else in her life. She stopped to pull up her sock, covering the puffy pink scar on her heel.

"Because you're slow," she continued.

"Nooo, I just don't wanna run," Logan protested with a shake of his head. "You can overheat and pass out." The two girls rolled their eyes as they emerged from the tree line. He spotted a woman in the kitchen through the back windows. "Oh, my nana's here!" Then the three of them started running towards the house. They pulled off their socks and shoes, leaving them on the back patio before sliding open the back door entering the kitchen. "Hi, nana!"

"Hello, dear," Abigail Mitchell said as she dried her hands on a towel, turning away from the sink she was standing at. She reached into the sink and pulled out a bowl of freshly washed grapes, setting it down onto the table. She then turned towards him and clicked her tongue. "You're dirty and wet, what were you doin?" She then stepped forward to give her grandson a hug.

"I didn't know you were coming, Nana," Logan said as he stepped back from her, dragging his tongue up the side of his popsicle.

"Your mom had to run an emergency errand, dear," Abigail replied. She then looked over at the two girls who were silently watching, finishing up their popsicles. "Help yourselves, girls, but first come give me a hug."

"Yes, ma'am," the two girls said in unison before stepping towards Abigail, pressing their sticky faces into her sides as they hugged the older woman.

"You smell good," Rhuben said as Riley threw her popsicle stick into the trashcan before hurrying over to the table to grab some grapes.

"Nana, where did mama go?" Logan asked, as he finished his popsicle. He loudly smacked his lips before reaching for the table to get a napkin to wipe at his mouth. He then reached towards the bowl of grapes, grabbing a handful and shoving some into his mouth. "She didn't say she was leaving."

"Don't you worry about that, dear," Abigail replied, moving to make herself some coffee. "Now, where are your brothers, girls?"

"Day with dad," Riley instantly replied, loudly swallowing the mashed up chunk of grapes in her mouth. She looked over at Rhuben who was rapidly nodding her head. "We had our day yesterday. Mrs. Mitchell said she'd watch us today."

Abigail shifted in her seat. "That's nice," she replied, putting a smile to her face as she looked over at Logan.

"Sorry, Nana Mitchell," Riley said quietly, seeming to shrink in her seat. Rhuben frowned, looking over at Logan before looking back at Abigail, copying her sister's movement, tossing a grape back and forth between her hands before popping it into her mouth.

"No, no, dears, you have nothing to apologize for," Abigail replied with a tinkling laugh, waving her hand in the air. "Nothing at all." She then got to her feet as the phone rang. "I'll be right back, kids." She then got up from her seat and made her way out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"You're lucky your dad's around," Logan said, wiping at his mouth with a napkin. He started to rip it between his hands. "Want to know a secret?"

"Yeah," the two girls said in unison.

Logan chewed on his bottom lip. "Um…I'll tell you a secret about my dad if you tell me a secret about yours."

"Ok," Riley replied and Rhuben bumped her sister's elbow with her own, her eyebrows lowering in the middle to match her deeply set frown. Riley merely brushed a pigtail over her shoulder. "You go first."

"Why do _I _have to go first?" Logan asked, his eyes widening.

"Because we have two secrets," Rhuben quickly replied and Riley gave a nod of her head. "So we get to go last." Riley nodded faster.

"Ok," Logan replied. He started to make a pile with the ripped up napkin. "But, you have to promise not to tell." He looked up at the two girls and they sat up straight, drawing an 'X' over their hearts, before they put their index and second finger together, kiss them, and held them up into the air. "My dad's in jail. He did a bad thing and has been there for a while now."

Rhuben felt herself frowning even more, if that was even possible. She had noticed that Logan's dad hadn't ever been around. He always gave up an excuse for it like he was out late for work, he had to leave for travel, he got into an accident and was in the hospital. But, this took the cake. He was just as good a liar as she was as she had never saw it coming.

"So, what's your secret?" Logan asked when he didn't get anything in response to what he had to say. His face was bright pink, and he shifted in his seat.

But, they never had the chance to tell him as Abigail had returned, announcing to the girl that it was their father and that they had to go home. And they had left without another word. They would learn in the next couple of days that not only would they be leaving Texas soon, but so would Logan as the errand that his mother had gone on was to her office to put her house up for sale.

"And need I remind you that both Kendall _and _Logan had snuck around our backs to figure out what was going on with our dad?" Riley continued and Rhuben quirked an eyebrow.

"No, actually, you don't," Rhuben replied and Riley rolled her eyes, letting out a short chuckle. A slow smirk then suddenly slid across her face. "So how _are _things going with you and Kendall?" Riley continued to pace, crossing her arms over her chest. Rhuben grinned in triumph and fell back against her pillows. "Finally, some peace and quiet. Someone can hear me talk for once."

"…Belt up," Riley said after a moment of silence before moving to sit down at the end of her sister's bed. "Not well, to answer your question." She then slapped Rhuben's foot and Rhuben let out a screech of pain, pulling her foot back. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing; changing the subject."

"Well, this is just something more interesting to talk about since you wouldn't be _lecturing me_," Rhuben said, stressing the last few words. "Geeze, I get that enough from Ronan."

Riley tilted her head back and forth. "Well, you _have _been turning in your homework assignments late," she said and then put her hands up defensively when Rhuben stared hard at her sister, "so have I, sis, but I'm just saying." She then put her chin in her hand. "And nothing's going on in the Kendall department."

"You didn't tell him?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up. "I thought you were going to tell him at the beach party. That was about a month ago."

"I can count, thanks!" Riley said with a roll of her eyes. "That was just a disaster, it was hard to get a word in edgewise when he kept trying to convince me about the spies in Canada or whatever."

Rhuben laughed, shaking her head. "Yeah, I don't believe that story either," she said, sitting up again. "How many times Carlos has dreamt about it, they could just be trying to trick us-"

"Big time," the two of them said in unison, starting to laugh.

"Well, sorry about Kendall," Rhuben said twisting her mouth to the side.

Riley tried to pass a look over her face, showing that it didn't bother her, but it was obvious that it did. She could read her sister like a book, most cases she just didn't make any comments about things like this to lower the embarrassment, but she knew how much her sister liked the boy band-er.

"Whatever," Riley said with a shrug, moving to adjust her pigtails. "I'll live. _He _might not, though." The two girls caught each other's eye and they started to laugh. If it was something Riley was really known for, it was her temper and threats, although she never actually went through with them. She just talked tough; something she mastered over years of practice. "So, what about you and Logan?"

"Something even Angel wants to know," Rhuben replied, her eyebrows twitching. Something even _she _wanted to know. She and Logan had always been close, but she either got incredibly shy and self-conscious or standoff-ish when she had to deal with or just talk about her feelings for him. "I don't know, things are good."

"I thought you were going to talk about getting back together once he got back from tour," Riley said, a confused look crossing her face.

"Huh," Rhuben said, scratching the side of her jaw. "Seems like we both had plans that didn't work out the way we wanted them to." A look of horror briefly crossed her features. "We might be losing our touch."

"Don't even say that," Riley said, pointing a warning finger in her twin's face. Rhuben put her hands up defensively, looking over at her phone as it rang, the _Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers _communicator six-tone beep hitting the air.

Rhuben glanced over at her phone and watched as an envelope flew onto her screen. It opened up and a little slip of paper slid out with a the words: _1 New Message _below it. She grasped her phone and slid a purple nail polish covered thumb across the bottom to unlock the phone. The screen lit up and she tapped the text message icon and it opened up to reveal an unknown number with the message: _Look out your window. Need five minutes_.

"What does he want now?" Rhuben said more to herself, getting up off her bed, to go to her window. She pushed the curtains aside and saw a car parked at the end of their driveway. A cell phone light glowed in the dark and first waved to the right and then to the left before it was extinguished.

"Whatever it is, it's definitely not anything to laugh at," Riley said, moving to join her at the window, handing her her phone. Rhuben pressed a button on the side for the face plate to light up before copying the movement of the person in the dark. "You have Ace's number on your phone?"

"Don't be daft," Rhuben said, turning towards Riley, her upper lip curling. Riley mimicked the facial expression. The two girls stared at each other for a moment before Rhuben broke first and Riley let out a "ha ha ha" of triumph. Rhuben rolled her eyes "No, I didn't keep his number in my cell. I memorized it just in case."

"You and Logan are closer than he and I are, but if he asks-"

"He's not going to, since he won't find out about it," Rhuben replied in a low tone, effectively cutting her sister off. "But, if he does ask, just make something up. I'll tell him eventually, when I know he won't freak out about it." She then quirked an eyebrow. "Besides, that kinda goes both ways since you and Kendall are close then he and I are, and I won't tell him anything unless you say it's ok."

"Cheers," Riley said, offering her hand. Rhuben paused in tying her shoelaces and slapped her hand into Riley's. They pulled their arms back, sliding their palms against each other's before curling their fingers into fists, bumping them together. They then hooked pinkies and wiggled their thumbs. "I'll tell Ronan you're stepping out."

"Fill in the kids, yeah?" Rhuben asked, getting to her feet, sliding her phone into her pocket.

"Yeah," Riley replied with a nod, stepping out of her sister's way.

Rhuben let out a sigh through her nose as she made her way down the stairs. She crossed the foyer, briefly glancing into the living room to see her dad and brothers sitting on the floor, eyes transfixed on the TV as they cheered on a contestant for _Wipeout_. She watched them for a moment, a smile coming to her face. She never thought that she'd have something like this to be her new normal.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" Riley asked in a whisper, stepping up beside her. "That every time something good happens we have bad luck and something shitty from our past comes to bite our asses?"

"I've been bitten too any times to just sit by and not do anything," Rhuben commented just as quietly, watching as the boys winced as a player was knocked off the stage. "But, I get what you mean. Our bad luck's bound to end at some point, though." She then stepped away from the doorway and made her way outside.

Her shoes crunched over the gravel of the driveway as she made her way down the incline. It took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the dark, but she instantly recognized the frame of Ace, sitting on the hood of his car. The smell of smoke hit the air and she saw the dull red glow of a cigarette break through the darkness. Ace was sitting on the hood of his car and when he saw her, he leaned back on his elbows, staring up at the sky.

"Bout time," Ace commented around the cigarette, lifting a hand to pull it from his mouth, blowing a puff of smoke into the air.

"What do you want this time?" Rhuben asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Ace patted the space on the car next to him. Rhuben pressed her lips together, closing her eyes for a moment, jutting out one hip as she shifted her weight to her right leg. "Come on, Ace." Ace patted the spot next to him a second time, harder. Rhuben let out a huff of air before moving to sit next to him. Ace turned his head to look at her.

"You hadn't answered any of my calls today," Ace said, the cigarette in his mouth bobbing on his bottom lip. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a carton of cigarettes, holding it out towards her. "Smoke?"

"Asthma," Rhuben replied, waving her hand in the air. She hated the smell of cigarettes, partially because of her dad, and also because the smell just got stuck to everything. "And my singing."

Ace snorted, a short stream of smoke coming out of his nostrils. He sat up removing the cigarette from his mouth, turning his head away from her to blow the smoke out of his face. "You're taking a break from making music, what difference does it make?" he asked, giving her an odd look.

"No, I'm taking a break from working full time," Rhuben corrected him with a roll of her eyes. "I still record and write, it's just not a top priority like it used to be."

It was pretty annoying at first; she was going stir crazy with having nothing to do at all times of the day. She filled it with surfing as much as possible, but she wasn't as into the sport as Patrick and Riley were. They went to the beach more than the lake, the place she preferred to be at. But, with her family, it was all ok.

The idea of having the year off didn't sit well with her mainly because Ronan had all but made that decision for them before asking their thoughts. It was the same thing with their therapy sessions. It bugged her to know that someone was being paid to pry into her life and to understand her thoughts and feelings behind her actions.

Now she was used to it, not having things scheduled at all times of the day. She had more time to just hangout or sleep in, and not have to worry about suddenly cancelling plans with her friends. Now, she had to work around their schedules. It was the best way to really be able to hang out with her friends and have fun without any expectations. That didn't stop from a relapse where she had to look over shoulder at the slightest sound, or having to fake a flinch for a chill or needing to scratch at her hairline or something.

"So, why didn't you answer my calls?" Ace asked, putting the cigarettes away.

"Just been busy, that's all," Rhuben replied and Ace ran his hand over his hair, messing it up even more than it already was. "Work, music, friends, that kind of stuff."

"How was the pier?" Ace asked, removing the cigarette from his mouth, dropping it to the ground before grabbing another one, lighting it quickly. "Haven't been there in a while, looked like a lot of fun."

Rhuben's eyebrows shot up before her eyes narrowed. "What, are you following me now?" she asked in a low voice.

"Me? No," Ace replied with a shake of his head. An odd grin came to his face. "I'm like all those other teeny-boppers out there. I like to find out what's going on in celebrities' lives." He cackled, shaking his head as if he cracked himself up.

_Of course. Our MyFace pages_, Rhuben thought to herself, pressing her lips together. It was amazing to her how many "likes" and comments on a picture she could get in less than five minutes, especially when it dealt with her hanging out with her friends. She didn't go into personal things on her public page, for obvious reasons.

"So this is why I'm here." Ace's lips oddly patted the edges of the cigarette as he sucked in air in short bursts before he started blowing smoke rings in the air. "Delivery; I'll get you the package and address soon. It's needed as soon as you can get it there. Need you to be careful with this one. You get a refill on your presc-?"

"When am I not careful?" Rhuben asked, interrupting him. That was always her answer to that question. She did everything as carefully as she could. She did have some slip ups when she didn't think before she said or did anything, but she always did her best to try and think about all sides to a decision and how it would affect other people. "But, I'm not doing it. I said a while ago that I wasn't going to do it again."

Ace didn't seem to be bothered by it. "Everyone could use some quick cash," he commented in a low voice before looking over at her. "Or is that what your little job at the restaurant is for." He twisted his mouth to the side when Rhuben silently nodded. "Huh. Interesting. Why work a minimum wage job when you can get hundreds in less than an hour?"

"Because unlike you I actually like to work hard for my money at a respectable job," Rhuben replied, sliding down off of his car. "And that was more than five minutes."

She crushed the smoldering cigarette on the ground with her foot before making her way back up the driveway and into the house, closing the door behind her. She kicked off her shoes and added them to the pile by the door. She pressed her back against the door and let out a heavy sigh, before reaching for her phone as it rang.

**Logan: **Meet me tomorrow at Runyon Canyon? Walk and talk?

**Rhuben: **Bet. Tell me when u want 2 go

Rhuben slid her cell phone back into her pocket and ran her hand over her face. It always seemed that he knew when the right time was to talk. Like he just sensed that something was bothering her and she needed someone to vent to. A small smile came to her face. It was a comfort and that was something she needed a lot of.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry of the delay with this chapter. But, I hope you guys liked it. Just in case anyone is confused, the Jacksons don't know _why _Charlie Mitchell was put in jail, they just know that he was there. After moving from Texas to California, them knowing Charlie was in jail wasn't anything so important that they wanted to look up.

As I stated in a previous chapter, I'm using song lyrics from the Boys Like Girls song of the same name (which I don't own) for chapter titles. Because of this, I don't know how long the fic is going to be. However, I have a lot of ideas I'm excited to get to in this fic.

Hope you all liked this chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben

**(Long) Fun Fact: **(And in case anyone was confused) The Jacksons spoke with their accents all their lives, until they moved to California and started working with Ronan. It was then they started to learn how to speak with an American accent, but chose to speak with their native tongue until they stared working with Dak and Robert all but forced them to constantly use their American accents. Which is why depending on the situation, will their natural accents show through. Staggered through the fourth season, the Jacksons choose to only speak with their Australian accents from here on out, starting with Riley.


	7. And Breathe It Out

**~07~**

_"… the most difficult part of any endeavor is taking the first step, making the first decision." –Robyn Davidson_

* * *

**Los Angeles, California (Runyon Canyon)  
**

**September 21st 2012**

Logan slowly kicked his feet back and forth as he stared out over the city of Los Angeles. He slowly breathed in and out as he tried to get his heart rate back to normal. He wasn't one that really liked to work out, but he knew how important it was for his career. They were doing more in their concerts: using trampolines and doing flips, and just running back and forth across the stage, it took a lot out of you if you didn't build up your endurance and breath control.

Luckily, they had slow or acoustic songs to sit down and regain their energy and their breath. But, he had noticed that he had gained weight over the tour; in muscle weight and in fat. Being on the road for months at a time, it was just easier to stop at a fast food joint and eat fries and a hamburger. He could also chalk it up to stress; about girls to be more specific. Which ex-girlfriend did he miss more? Who was he going to talk to first when he got back? Who did he want to get back together with?

He looked over at Rhuben out of the corner of his eye as she twisted her hair up into side ponytail. A small smile came to his face as he watched her. He remembered even when he was a kid, he was just enthralled by her. At the time he couldn't figure it out, most likely because of her accent, but he tried hard not to show it in fear of a tongue lashing from her for being so weird. Or worse, Riley would call him out on it or punch him, something she was famous for even back then.

He jumped when her eyes flickered in his direction. "What?" she asked and he gave a shrug, continuing to smile at her. She gave a brief shake of her head rolling her eyes. "You wanted to talk about your dad, right? That's why you asked me to hang out, yeah?"

"Yeah," Logan replied, slowly nodding. _Amongst other reasons. _

Yes, he wanted to talk about his dad. He couldn't go five minutes without wanting to just blurt out everything he thought and felt about his dad. But, like always, he was calculated, trying to figure out the pros and cons of everything before he let it all out. It was kind of funny; with her, he knew that she would understand his side of things, after all, as he didn't have the best track record with parents, so to speak. And she was the type to listen to everything you had to say before she gave you her opinion about things.

No, that wasn't what he only wanted to talk about. He wanted to talk about her, and him. Her and him. If there _was _a her and him. That was something that was so easy to think about, but getting it out of his mouth was a whole different story. He could listen and talk to about her abuse and her dreams, something most people would consider hard to do. Surely, discussing their past and hopefully future relationship was a cake walk.

The silence was unnerving yet calming at the same time; like so many things were being unsaid, but the silence was saying it all. It was indecisive in a way; like he was. _I should tell her how I feel. No, no, she's already got a lot on her hands. I should talk to my dad. No, no, it's only going to make things worse. Why does he want to talk all of a sudden, anyway?_

"I've just been thinking about him a lot lately," he finally replied after a moment of silence, turning his gaze back towards the hillside. He glanced back over his shoulder at the top of the hiking path. There were a couple groups of people around in hiking and running gear. Some were taking pictures of the scenery, and some were talking between gulps of water from their water bottles. A couple of people were sitting on the only benches at the top of the canyon, talking quietly with each other. "I've been thinking about how he was never around. I always came down on you about your dad; lying for him and about him and the whole time I was being a hypocrite."

"Yeah," Ruben said with a nod, bobbing her head for a moment, "but your dad never hit you."

"At least your dad was around," Logan replied, his eyebrows twitching.

Rhuben put a hand up into the air, shaking her head from side to side. "Not trying to compare situations," she muttered as she moved to scratch the back of her neck. "Not on purpose anyway."

Logan let out a heavy sigh, running his hands over his face before reaching up to adjust his hat, turning it around so the brim blocked the sun from shining on him. And it was to cover his face. He hated having to be one to bring up bad memories for her, or to inadvertently force her to talk about anything she didn't want to.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to, Logan," Rhuben said, sighing as well, reaching out a hand to place on his bare shoulder. A cross between a sigh and an involuntary groan of pleasure escaped past his lips at the burning touch as her fingernails scratched his back, sending a shiver down his spine. "We can just sit."

"That's all we've been doing," Logan pointed out, starting to feel frustrated as Rhuben shrugged. He pulled his hat off of his head and raked his fingers through his hair. "Do you ever wish you could just forget about your dad?" He shook his head and quickly corrected himself. "I mean, Robert?" He looked over at his friend and saw a look that was half thoughtful and half a sneer and could just about hear the sarcastic comment that was going to be thrown her way.

"It's weird," she finally said as he face relaxed into a passive look, one that he had seen so many times. "A lot of times I do, but then I think it's not that fair." Logan gave him a confused look. "He wasn't bad all the time. He could be really nice and funny and responsible."

Logan's eyes shot up. _Robert, nice? _He held back a snort of disbelief. He had seen what the man was like; intense and mean all the time. Just one look could make you hate that you even existed let alone crossed his path. He made Logan feel like an idiot with just one look even if all he did was greet the man. He had an air about him; he was better than anyone else and he knew it.

"When he needed to be, I guess," Rhuben said with an eye roll voicing his opinion. "I forgive people, but I don't forget them, no matter how hard I try." She slowly blinked and let out a sigh through her nose. "What about you? Do you ever try to forget _your _dad?"

"I don't try to," Logan replied, surprising himself with how easily the words came to him. "But, I _have _forgotten about him. I mean, until recently."

He shook his head, putting his hat back on. He was silent for a moment before continuing. "Like you said, it's weird. For the longest time, I followed my mom and Nana around asking, '_When will dad be back?_', '_When will dad be home?_', '_Is daddy ever going to come home?_', and they would just feed me answers to satisfy me. '_Oh, he'll be home real soon_', _'He'll be home in time for your birthday_', '_By Christmas, I promise_', and I believed them."

He felt his throat lock up and he pressed his lips together for a moment. He let out an odd laugh, shaking his head back and forth. "Despite seeing how quickly they'd try to change the subject or seeing that look on my mom's face-you know, the one where you just know something's wrong but she insists that everything's ok-I believed them. And then one day I didn't ask. I didn't ask the day after that, or the day after that…I just knew that whatever he had done, he was going to be gone for a long time and I just moved on. I made myself forget about my dad."

He swallowed thickly. He thought, at the time, that it would be easy. He would just reward himself if he could go a day without thinking about his dad. All he had to do was leave his hopes and dreams behind until it was at the farthest corner of his memories. It would be so easy just to forget, to act like he never existed, but he couldn't. Every once in a while he would stop and think, _I wonder what he's doing right now. _And then he'd scold himself for it. _He's out of my life now. Who knows when he'll come back . Or if he wants to. If he loved you, he wouldn't have done what he did._

But, a part of him wondered if his dad was around, would he still be friends with Kendall, James, and Carlos. Would they have even moved to Minnesota at all? Would he have gotten into the music scene and enjoy it as much as he does now? Would he? What if? All those questions with no forseen answer and if there was something he hated; it was not having all of the answers.

"Who does that? Who just forgets their dad?" Logan asked, hearing his voice crack.

"Clearly, you don't," Rhuben pointed out, shifting closer to him, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. "It's not a bad thing." He briefly closed his eyes, giving a smile before resting his head on top of hers. A perfect fit. "You don't forget the people that shape you, that teach you, that cares for you, no matter how long they've known you. Even if it's for a second, for a minute, for a day, a week, a month, whatever, they change a part of you. They change who you are."

Logan just nodded. He knew that it was true; _she _had changed over their years apart. Even when she was a kid, while being secretive or mysterious, she was way more open and lively then when they had reunited at sixteen. Being under tough working conditions and constantly being berated by their father, that was bound to put you on edge. She had always lived with someone telling her how to live her life, when to work and when to play. Now that Ronan was around all the time, he saw her old friend returning.

And he was grateful for that, but now working in the same business, he wondered if he had changed as well. He knew that he was more confident, not as scared to take risks. Maybe this was the biggest risk of all; getting his family back together. She seemed to be all for it and it was her opinion that he valued the most. She never had trouble understand his point of view and he loved her for that, but he knew that it didn't always necessarily mean that they agreed with the way they handled things or even agreed with each other's opinions. She was the only one who could do that. It made him feel…he couldn't put his finger on it. But with her, it just felt right. She was right, you didn't forget. He didn't forget her, that was for sure and he didn't think he ever could. Their friendship…their relationship (whatever it was at the moment) was just too strong for that.

"What do you think he did?" Logan asked, bowing his head for a moment. "To be put in jail?"

"A lot of things, Logie, a lot of things," Rhuben replied with a sigh as she removed her head from his shoulder. "Have you told the boys?"

Logan shook his head and Rhuben made a noise in the back of her throat as she turned to face him, bringing a knee to her chest. She leaned forward and rested her chin on her knee. He didn't know what the noise meant; indifference, surprise, disappointment? She had enough secrets that she kept from them, it was only fair that he had some as well.

_It's not like they won't understand_, he thought to himself. _Kendall's dad isn't in the picture, and James barely sees his dad and they're ok. _He stopped for a moment, trying not to snort. _Yeah, they're ok alright. Kendall gets mad the instant his dad is even mentioned and James acts like his dad doesn't exist. _When it all came down to it, they were all secretly jealous that Carlos was the only one who had a good relationship with his dad, not that any of them would ever say it. He deserved it. They all just wished they deserved it as well.

"Did you ever think your dad would come back?" Rhuben asked. She reached out a hand and shoved his shoulder. "And be honest."

"No," Logan replied with a shake of his head. He shook his head faster and faster. "And why now? Why does he want to get in contact with me _now? _He had all those years in jail to write me, you know? Does he think that he could just come waltzing back into my life? He can't just come back like that. He just can't. What does he want anyway?" He let out a breath of air. He set his jaw. He was breathing hard. His hands were clenched tightly into fists. He didn't know when he did that.

"To talk to you?" Rhuben replied. "To see how you're doing? To apologize? And then there's the flipside Logie, it's possible that he's found out about Big Time Rush and he wants money to help him out." He cringed. He knew he could count on her to be honest, but he didn't want to think about it.

She reached out a hand and grasped his wrist, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. Logan looked down at her hand before turning his around, feeling her fingers tickle over his palm before it settled into his."Remember when we were spending the summer at Cedar Crest and I was too scared to jump into the lake?"

Logan felt his lips twitch into a smile. "Which was weird because you've been surfing since you could stand," he commented, giving her a pointed look and Rhuben stuck her tongue out at him.

"I've been in the ocean all my life, the lake was different; it just _stays _there," Rhuben replied, her upper lip curling slightly. "Whatever." She then gave a brief shake of her head, getting back on topic. "You took my hand and you told me to take a deep breath, and when I let it out, I had to let go of my fears and just take the plunge." She gently squeezed his hand. "That's what you have to do; take the plunge. Make a final decision; either you talk to your dad or you don't."

Silence.

"I can't promise you everything's going to be okay because you know that I hate giving people false hope," Rhuben added, "but you know that I'm always going to be here for you. Like you were for me, even when I tried to push you away." She laughed, smirking slightly. "Figured I had to return the favor at some point."

"Gee, thanks," Logan replied with a roll of his eyes. He then gave her a peaceful smile as he leaned forward, closing his eye as he rest his forehead against hers. "What are we going to do with us?" he asked, dryly. "If only life was simplr."

"It wouldn't be as entertaining, that's for sure," Rhuben replied and he chuckled. "Logie?"

"Hmm?" Logan asked. He blinked open his eyes, leaning back when he didn't immediately get a response. He watched as she chewed on her bottom lip for a moment.

"We should be getting back," she said, dropping his hand, getting to her feet. She brushed the dirt off the seat of her pants as he pushed himself up into a standing position.

"Yeah," he agreed. The two of them fell into step as they started making their way down the rocky, dusty slope. He tucked his t-shirt farther into the waistband of his shorts. He watched their hands swing back and forth, gently brushing against each others. He let out a breath of air and moved to take her hand just as she moved it to adjust the elastic in her hair. "Bella." She looked over at him. "Love you forever." She twisted her mouth to the side and nodded. His eyebrows knitted together for a moment. "Did...did you want to talk about anything?"

She shook hear head. "No, it's ok," she replied. "And Logie? Like you for always."

* * *

**Los Angeles, California (Palm Woods)**

"So… you spent a good deal of time with Benny today." Logan didn't answer, his hand hovering over the Enter key of his keyboard. He stared at the e-mail in front of him, licking his lips. "Are you guys back together or what?"

Logan looked over at Kendall out of the corner of his eye. His friend was in the computer chair, his chest resting against the chair's back, slowly twisting back and forth. Much like he had been for the past five minutes. The constant _creek, creek, creek _from each left and right turnwas starting to get on his nerves.

"…No," he replied after a moment of silence and he turned his head in just enough time to catch his friend's face wilt into a confused frown.

"I thought that's why you wanted to talk to her?" Kendall said, resting his arms on the back of the chair, lowering his chin to rest on top of his arms. "It's obvious you guys are still into each other. I saw that smile she gave you before she left and you know her, she barely ever smiles."

"You must be confusing her with Riley…oh, wait, I'm sorry, I meant Lucy," Logan instantly shot back and Kendall's upper lip curled slightly but he didn't say anything.

Lucy Stone, the resident rocker at the Palm Woods, looked and acted a lot like Riley. But she was pretty cool even he had to admit. The thing is, he knew how much Riley liked Kendall, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, and he knew that Kendall liked her. It was all complicated but he wasn't going to get involved. He didn't know what exactly was going on between the three of them, but he wondered how both Kendall and Riley could ignore their feelings for each other.

"So…what's been up with you lately?" Kendall asked and Logan looked over at him. "We're all worried. You've just been kind of out of it, lately."

_That what James said, _Logan thought to himself, feeling a frown come to his face. _Maybe it _Is _that obvious that something's wrong_. He shook his head. "I'm fine," Logan replied, giving Kendall a smile. "Just thinking about Rhuben and Camille. You know."

He hated the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. It wasn't exactly a lie, but he knew that he couldn't use it as an excuse for so long. He blinked when it hit him. That was probably why Rhuben didn't seem to want him to hold her hand; because he hadn't chosen between the two of them. He sighed. That was just another one of his problem. He really cared about the two girls and knew that he'd eventually have to choose. There were too many choices he had to make at one time.

"Yeah," Kendall replied with a nod. "You want some advice?" Before Logan could answer, Kendall adopted a mock thoughtful look. "Choose one. How hard could it be?"

Logan opened his mouth, ready to shoot back a remark about Lucy and Riley, but closed his mouth, shaking his head. _Harder than you know._ Because, like a lot of the time, Kendall was right. He just had to choose. _Maybe I just have to do it. Maybe it's as simple as taking the plunge? _Logan thought to himself, looking over at Kendall. _A life without risks is a life unlived. _Kendall peered curiously back at him as he returned his gaze back to his computer before jabbing his index finger into the Enter key. His web page refreshed and gave him the message: **Your e-mail has been sent_._**

"You're right, I do have to choose," he replied, shutting the lid to his computer. "And I just made one of the hardest decisions of my life, just like I'm about to do now."

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked, his eyebrows knitting together into a look of confusion.

Logan closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath of air. _Just take the plunge. _He then slowly let it out, looking Kendall dead in the eye. "I have to tell you something. It's important."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry guys, meant to have this up earlier. The ending was giving me a hard time to write.

**Got2LiveItBigTime: **When I had Rhuben say, "I think we're losing our touch" I meant that she and Riley can normally have/make things go the way they want it to and in the case of their relationship with Kendall and Logan, it wasn't happening.

**Fun Fact: **I don't think I mentioned this in a fic yet (maybe in _Just Listen_ before I deleted it) but, the Lolla pairing is now also known as Heart of Texas pairing.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	8. The Forecast

**~08~**

_"The best way to predict the future is to create it," –Peter Drucker_

* * *

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked, concerned.

"I have to tell you something," Logan replied.

Kendall's eyebrows twitched. "You said that already," he replied.

"Right, right," Logan said, nodding his head over and over again. He sucked in a deep breath of air, turning his head away from his friend. He didn't think he could go through with it, but at the same time, he knew that Kendall would understand.

Logan had always been wishy-washy with his decisions; deciding on one thing and then quickly changing his mind, and just as quickly change his mind back. Even when they had gone back to Minnesota for a short while when it looked like their dream of going on tour and releasing his album he settled back into his idea of being a doctor.

It was already scary enough having gone out there in the first place, but having to do it again; it really made him stop and think. But, that's what James wanted to do and he would do anything to help his friend. His brother. They always had each other's backs. He knew that Kendall would have his now.

_Just tell him, Logan, he'll understand_, Logan thought to himself. _What's the worst that could happen? _He twisted his fingers together in his lap before he got up off his bed, making his way over to the bedroom door. He pushed his weight up against the door and let out a sigh, raking his fingers through his nose. _It's not or never._

"So…all these years…you've noticed my dad hasn't been around," Logan said as he shuffled his feet against the ground, making his way back over to his bed. He slowly lowered himself down onto the mattress. He let out a weird laugh."Of course you've noticed, I've only been dodging questions about him for years. I have you to thank for that."

Kendall's lips formed a line. He wasn't blaming his friend for it, he just kind of emulated him. Kendall just straight up refused to talk about his dad. Whenever the topic was brought up, he would quickly change the subject diffusing the tension that quickly rose. With Logan it was different; with people he didn't know well or was just meeting he would lie about his dad, but in general he just made sure the topic never came up.

Looking back on it, he was being a hypocrite in a way when it came to how he viewed the Jacksons lying about their dad and home life. He was always on their case about them lying and coming up with stories to explain his absence and behavior. That was what he did as well. But, he could also see it as a completely different situation as they were lying about their abuse, and he was just lying about his dad not being around.

And the more he thought about that, the more complicated it was.

"What's up? Seriously?" Kendall asked, catching his attention. "Logie, we've all noticed that you've been off lately, we just want to be sure you're ok."

"Uh…well," Logan said before sucking in a deep breath of air. He held it for a moment before letting it all out in a rush. "About a week ago…I got a phone call…about my dad."

Kendall's eyebrows shot up. A series of emotions quickly passed over his face before stopping on worry. "He's…is he…did he…_die_?" he asked.

"Oh! No," Logan said with a shake of his head.

He couldn't stop the bubble of laughter that rose in his throat. He didn't take into consideration that anybody would think that his bad news would be that his dad had passed away. He had to stop and thinking about that. _How many people think I was just covering up for my dad dying_?

"Well, that's good," Kendall said with a small smile. He used his feet to start to twist the chair back and forth, keeping his eyes on his friend. _Creak. Creak. Creak. _Logan grit his teeth, sliding his bottom jaw left and right in time with the grating noise. "So…" He waved his hands in the air. "Logan, what's-?"

"My dad's been released from prison," Logan blurted out before he could stop himself.

And it was in that moment that he left his body. It was like he was floating at the top of the room, watching himself and Kendall talk. He watched the words come out of his mouth and he watched as Kendall's face registered shock, surprise, and concern all at once as his jaw dropped. He watched as he folded in on himself, hugging himself, rubbing his arms with his hands as if he had suddenly grown cold. A move he had seen the Jacksons do all the time whenever they felt like they were backed into a corner. And then he was back in his own body.

"S-say something," he prompted.

Kendall closed his mouth and swallowed. His eyes widened before they returned to their normal size. He pressed his lips together. Logan just felt like jumping to his feet and shaking him, commanding him to say what was on his mind if not try to shake the thoughts out of his head and to get him to forget what he had even just told him.

"I…didn't even know your dad was in jail," Kendall slowly replied. "I don't know what I thought, but I never expected that." He rested his arms on the back of the computer chair before raking his fingers through his hair, his cheeks puffing out as he let out a breath of air. "He's…so he's back? I mean is he coming back?"

"He, um, was released on good behavior," Logan said, scratching the back of his head. "At least, that's what my mom and Nana told me in e-mails." He dropped his hands into his lap again. "He's been in jail for about…thirteen years and he just recently got out for good behavior."

"And you just found out?" Kendall asked and Logan nodded. "You've known for a while now?" Logan nodded again. "Why didn't you say anything before? I mean…do you know why he was put in jail?"

_Because he did a bad thing_, Logan thought. Those words nearly escaped from his lips, but they were so…juvenile. He was told those words when he was five and he stuck with it. It was a simple answer back then; he did something bad and bad people get punished. On one hand, he was satisfied with that answer but on the other, he always wanted to know the real reason, but when it came down to it, he just couldn't bring himself to ask or to look for the answer for himself. Until now.

"Got the call on my birthday," Logan replied and Kendall briefly closed his eyes. "Happy Birthday to me, huh?" He twisted his mouth to the side and Kendall scratched the back of his neck before putting his head down onto his forearms. "I didn't say anything because…I didn't know how you'd all react."

Kendall's lips pulled back into a weird smile. Logan could guess what he was thinking. James's dad divorced his mom and was now dating someone half her age, and Kendall's dad hit him when he was a kid and was no longer in the picture. How could Kendall or both Kendall and James not understand his situation? Simply put, their dad's weren't in jail. Not that he was trying to compare situations, but they could always fly out and see their sons if they wanted, his dad couldn't. And he wanted to keep the thought that his dad could've been framed, or that he was innocent, floating around in his mind.

"I know you and James would get it," Logan said with a shrug. "I don't know. I guess, talking about it…it makes it real, you know? He actually _is _in jail. He actually _did_ something wrong."

Kendall nodded as he listened to Logan talk and then he was suddenly on his feet, making his way over to Logan. Logan looked up at his friend as Kendall grabbed his shoulders, pulling him to his feet and into a tight hug. Logan blinked before relaxing into the hug, pressing his forehead into Kendall's shoulder, reaching his arms up to give his back a couple of slaps. Kendall then stepped back and gently shook him.

"You didn't have to keep this from us," Kendall said to him, giving him a small smile. Logan snorted. "I know, I know. Who am I to say that when the only way you found out about my dad was when you overhead my mom and I talking?" His smile waned a little bit, but it was still there. "I get it, Logan. Really, I do."

"Yeah, and so…I've just been thinking about it all the time," Logan said, running his fingers through his hair. "My mom texted m and sad that my dad wanted to get in contact with me. " Kendall's eyebrows shot up. "That's what my e-mail was about. I've been going back and forth about whether or not I really wanted to do it. I mean, I'm happy with my life now; with this, with all of you guys, and the Jacksons, and Jo, and Camille, and Stephanie, but now it's just…complicated."

"Speaking of…do the Jacksons know?" Kendall asked. "About your dad? It wouldn't surprise me if you have." He then put his hands up defensively. "Not that I'm mad that they know before me or Carlos or James, I'm just curious."

"They know," Logan replied with a nod. "Naturally." Kendall nodded in agreement. "But, like the rest of you guys, they don't know why." He bit his bottom lip for a moment. "It was kind of stupid…I told them when we were kids, about a month or two before I moved to Minnesota. I told them I'd tell them a secret for a secret about our dads-two in their case; one from each of them. That was the only thing I could get out before Nana got a call saying they had to go home. We never brought it up after that, I never asked them about their dad, and then we moved."

He lowered himself to a sitting position again. "I've been thinking about that day a lot lately. Ever since I found out about their abuse, anyway. I always had odd vibes about how they were as kids. I always wonder if I had kept them to that promise-"

"That's not your fault," Kendall said, interrupting his friend. "Don't even think for a minute that it was. It wasn't their fault and it wasn't yours, either." He peered closely at Logan and he turned his head away. "Just like it's not your fault that your dad did…whatever he did to be put in jail."

Logan suddenly felt warm all over. His stomach twisted up into knots as he glanced at the closed bedroom door out of the corner of his eye. He suddenly wanted to leave. He felt weird. He felt like something was coming towards him and he didn't have any room to get out of the way. His heart beat sped up as he started to breathe in and out of his nose.

Kendall had hit the nail on the head. He felt in some way responsible for his dad's departure from his life. Yes, he understood that he was just a little kid and he didn't have a say in any of it. He just wondered how he couldn't be enough to keep his dad around; to stop him from doing something bad. And then that made him wonder if because he was around things were hard for his parents and he did something to help make things easier. And with _that _thought he started making up scenarios on what he could have done each one becoming more sinister and scary then the next.

"Yeah, but having a wife and son couldn't keep him around?" Logan asked and then closed his eyes when he saw Kendall twist his mouth to the side. "Kendall, I'm sorry-"

"Its fine," Kendall replied with a shake of his head. His lips twitched into an odd smile. Kendall had once had a chance to really talk to his dad about what had happened, back when everything with the Jacksons' abuse was unraveling. It was a shock to all of them to find out that Kendall's own ad was defending Robert Jackson in court as his lawyer.

None of the Knights took it well when they found out. Kendall blew up at his five friends wondering why they didn't tell him, only to feel guilty later on when they promised him that they honestly didn't know about the family ties. It was so much a shock that he didn't know how to talk to his dad or what to say to him so he just ignored his dad despite him trying to talk to him and his family. Logan wondered if Kendall viewed his dad defending Robert in court as a way for Kevin to defend his own actions. It would explain a lot.

"Look, Logan, I blew my chance with my dad," Kendall said quietly. "Looking back on it, I wish I did talk to him about everything when I had the chance." He used his thumb to scratch at his eyebrow and Logan's lips twitched into a small smile. It was amazing to him to see how many mannerisms that the group of friends were picking up from each other. Riley always scratched her forehead or fixed her hair to block her face from emotion during conversations. "I had my chance with getting closure and now you have yours. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, Logan." Kendall grinned. "It's like I always say; grab it with both hands and go big time. So, you're going to talk to your dad then?"

"Yeah," Logan replied, nodding his head. "Yeah, I am." Kendall smiled and Logan felt himself relax into a smile as well. "So, um, thanks for listening."

"Anytime, bro," Kendall replied, clapping Logan on the shoulder. "Anytime."

* * *

**September 22nd, 2012**

******Fort Worth, Texas**

Charlie walked slowly behind the guard, head bent, chains between the cuffs around his ankles jangling with each shuffled step he took. He tried to roll his shoulders, exercising his aching muscles. He let out a sigh, lifting his head, picking up his pace a little; not fast enough where anyone thought he was trying to attack, and not slow enough where anyone would think he was trying to escape. He tried his best to keep a fair distance between him and the broad shouldered man.

He had witnessed too many times where guards would swing around and pop an inmate across the head because they thought they were talking too close or because they thought they were about to get assaulted. And he had seen inmates jump security guards the minute they had the opportunity. He had seen it all and he was ready to get out.

They stopped briefly for the guard to unlock the door at the end of the dark, damp, hall swinging it open before grasping Charlie's arm in a tight hold, marching him through the door. They never said much apart from short commands, "Move it!", "Faster!", "Let's go!"

He was marched over to a chair sitting opposite a desk where another man in uniform was sitting, shuffling papers, and scribbling his signatures on some forms. Charlie was hauled over to the chair and forced to sit down into the chair. He clasped his hands in his lap, looking at the man that sat in front of him. He was pretty heavy set with a big, bushy salt and peppered mustache. He looked like a Walrus and if Charlie wasn't stuck in a small room with a barred window and one door to enter and leave, he probably would have laughed.

"Charlie Mitchell," the Walrus said as soon as the guard left, closing and locking the door behind him. Charlie twisted his head and saw that the guard was still standing outside. He faced front and the Walrus looked him up and down before quirking an eyebrow, smirking. "Doing well, I see." Charlie stuck out his tongue and slowly licked his lips, wetting the dried blood on his lips and the Walrus's upper lip curled slightly. "Charming. What'd you do to get that?"

"I smiled," Charlie replied with a noncommittal grunt. The Walrus snorted. "So, why am I here?"

"You've spent a great deal of time here, Mr. Mitchell," Walrus replied, folding his hands on his desk. "You've taken direction well, did as you're told, didn't talk back. Looks like you could be getting out early on good behavior." He peered at Charlie's face a second time. "Although, that looks to be debatable."

Charlie cracked a humorless, momentary, grin.

"So, you have someone to go to if you get released?" the Walrus asked, reaching for a pen. The click to reveal the pointed end, seemed like a blast in the small, silent room. Charlie just stared at the man. "Well, do you? We have a list of contracts here, but-"

"Um, my mom," Charlie said, shaking his head, snapping back to life. "I can stay with my mom."

The Walrus hummed as he wrote down that note . He then repeatedly started clicking his pen over and over again peering over at Charlie. "We'll have to call to confirm that that is, in fact, alright with your mother and that she will abide by the rules that the judge would set in place for you once you're put on parole." He cleared his throat. "I mean, _if." _

"They'd have to go through inspections to make sure the place is good for you. We'll have to warn those in the neighborhood that you are out on parole. You have to be set up with a parole officer; one that I will assign you, that you'll meet with as often as we agree upon. You'll also have to submit to surprise drug tests. Things like that. She would have to be willing to cooperate with us with sudden searches. Do you think she could do that?"

"You'd have to call her and ask her that wouldn't you?" Charlie asked evenly. He knew the answer; he knew that his mom would do anything she could to ensure that he was happy living at home and that he was comfortable. She'd be happy to have him home.

"Alright, well, in that case, I'll see if I can set up a court hearing as soon as possible, but don't get your hopes up," the Walrus continued. "There are plenty more men who are in line before you. This way it'll, uh, give you time to clean up your face a little bit."

"How considerate," Charlie drawled. One the outside he showed indifference, but on the inside, he was numb. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had counted down the days until he would leave, and even after a while that felt like a chore. He was only kidding himself for holding onto that hope. But, now….it was different. "I appreciate it."

"You should," the Walrus replied. "I'll get in contact again with you soon." He offered his hand to Charlie who stared at his hand for a moment before shaking it. "Congratulations. Now get out of here and smile pretty for the camera."

**_Dangerous Drug Dealer Out on Parole_**

Charlie blinked when a newspaper was shoved into his face. "Congratulations; you've made the front page." He looked up at his mother who was starting to put groceries away into the cabinets. He leaned forward on his elbows on the kitchen table and grabbed a bag, dragging it towards him to see what was inside.

"Pop Tarts, yes," he cheered grasping the box, immediately opening the box and grabbing a foil covered snack. He ripped it open with his teeth before biting into the chocolate flavored snack.

Abigail frowned and slapped at his hand. "Spoiling your dinner," she muttered with a shake of her head.

"Making myself happy," Charlie replied. "I have a meeting with my parole officer tomorrow. I want to be able to tell them that I have a job lined up, that I'm changing, that I can make things better, but even Alex hasn't been able to pull through on that."

"Son, you know how things like this are, they have to do background checks and everything," Abigail said as she continued to unpack the bags. "Not everybody is going to accept you with open arms."

"Like Logan?" Charlie asked quietly, slumping in his seat. Abigail briefly stopped what she was doing to give him a kiss on his forehead.

"Just give it some more time, sweetie," Abigail said, cupping his face with her hand before grasping his chin between her forefinger and thumb. "It's not easy on any of you. You just have to have faith that the Lord will help you get through things."

"Yes, ma'am," Charlie replied before taking another bite of the Pop Tart in his hands before reaching for the newspaper, _The LoneStar Gazette. _He stopped chewing, choking slightly when his face stared back at him. He instantly recognized the picture.

It was the picture he took before he was released from prison; one that he had to take as a recent picture of him. He was told that they had to keep a database of updated pictures in case they broke the law a second time and needed to have a warrant out for their arrest. Or something like that. He barely paid attention at the time, his head was swimming with the possibility of seeing other things apart from the concrete gray walls of the jail.

He cringed at the picture. His face and palms were still bloody from his fight. He had his hands up, thumbs pressed into his ears, sticking his tongue out at the camera. That was before he got a cuff around the head, a loud yell to "Quit fooling around" and then he continued on with his mug shots. He didn't think he'd have to see it ever again, but here it was along with the caption:

**_Dangerous Drug Dealer Out on Parole_**

Charlie's eyes narrowed slightly. He didn't consider himself dangerous. He didn't have a weapon on him at the time of the arrest, nor did he resist arrest. He did everything they had shouted at him at the time. He didn't know about anybody else though. It wouldn't surprise him if they had some sort of weapon on him. The press _did _like twisting stories anyway; anything to get readers.

_Police have indeed confirmed that Charlie Mitchell, 45, was released on parole this past week after a thirteen year stint in the local prison for drug dealing. Mitchell was sentenced to 20 years in prison for his 1999 arrest selling various drug paraphernalia on the property of a new development being built by the construction company Mitchell worked for at the time._

_Under the conditions of his parole, Mitchell is required to report to his Parole Officer regularly, must submit to random drug tests, provide address of stay and employment and submit to background checks whenever asked. He is also unable to vacate the city and state of his residence for the first year of his release. Mitchell had no prior criminal charges on his record before being caught that late summer night. _

_One concerned citizen of North Richland Hills, finds this decision "deeply troubling" as they fear the safety of her kids, and others in the community._

He set the newspaper aside. If there were was anyone that didn't know he was back in town, they definitely knew now. His chewing slowed to a stop and he let out a breath of air through his nose. He looked over at Abigail who was humming happily as she folded the now empty paper bags. Despite everything; the looks, the whispers, the stares, she had a smile on her face. She was always there for him despite his mistakes, just like a mother should be. Just like he should be there for his son. She was right; he had to have faith that everything would turn out fine.

"I'll be upstairs if you need me," Charlie said as he pushed his chair back from the table. "What do you want for dinner? I'll make it."

"Oh no, sweetheart, don't you worry," Abigail said with a smile as she gathered the two shopping bags, moving to take them over to the stack of left over paper bags to be used later on. "I'll have a nice warm meal ready for you in no time."

Charlie nodded, letting out a sigh through his nose. I can't even provide for my mom, he thought to himself as he headed out of the room, his footfalls echoing around the room. He made his way up his the stairs and into his room, dropping into the computer chair at his desk. He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling, slowly twisting back and forth, before sitting up straight, running his finger over the touch pad.

His computer switched from a black screen to his e-mail inbox. He rested his chin in his free hand as he slid his cursor over to the "Check Mail" button and clicked it. A little hourglass popped up beside the white mouse, flipping over a few times as the webpage worked on his request. The screen then flashed and he had new e-mails sitting in his inbox.

"Spam, spam, read later, spam, not so important, spam…" Charlie said to himself as his eyes flickered over the subjects of each e-mail. He blinked. Again. And Again. He pressed his lips together, and slowly breathed in and out of his nose, trying to calm down his suddenly rapidly beating heart.

**From: Joanna Mitchell**

**FWD: Re: Can We Talk?**

He licked his lips, chewing on his bottom lip before clicking on the message. A new window popped up immediately. His breath caught in his throat as he read the message.

**From: Logan Mitchell**

**To: Joanna Mitchell**

**Subject: FW: Re: Can We Talk?**

_Sure._

_….._

**From: Joanna Mitchell**

**To: Logan Mitchell**

**Subject: Re: Can We Talk?**

_Logan, your father really would like to get into contact with you. Maybe we can get this figured out. Shoot me back an e-mail when you can. I think it's time we really addressed what's happened? I still love your father and I know he still loves you. Let me know either way. Love, mom_

Charlie read the e-mail over and over and over again. Logan's answer was short, sweet and to the point, but it was a definite yes. A smile blossomed over his face and he felt the familiar sting of tears hitting his eyes. He sniffed once and grabbed his shirt sleeve to dab at his eyes before clicking on the e-mail after that.

**From: Joanna Mitchell**

**To: Charlie Mitchell**

**Subject: (No Subject)**

_I hope you got my last message. I've talked to Logan and below are various ways to contact him. I hope you understand your mother and I relaying messages between the two of you, but it's up to you to make the next step. I'll call you soon._

_XoJoanna_

Charlie quickly shot back a reply e-mail and leaned back in his chair just smiling at his computer screen. He didn't know what else to do. His head was spinning but he was ready to take the next step. He reached for his new cell phone and pulled it out of his pocket. He brought up his text message and highlighted the last message he received:

**Unknown: **_Glad you're back. Up for a hit?_

"No, I'm not," he whispered before deleting the message. He then brought up a blank message and double checked with the e-mail to get his son's cell phone number before typing in a message.

**Charlie: **_Hi, son. It's your father. Your mom messaged me with your contact information. I would like to Skype you tomorrow. Tell me when's a good time. We have a lot to catch up on. I love you._

He read and re-read the message a couple times before hitting send.

* * *

**A/N: **Was the transition between Charlie's flashback in jail and present day hard to follow? I hope you guys could follow the flow of the e-mails as well. This chapter briefly mentions some things that you'll see more in the _Never Again _series. Riles and I haven't decided whether or not Logan's dad being in jail is going to be canon to our timeline. But, I'm hoping you're liking this idea so far.

Again, the chapter titles are lyrics to the Boys Like Girls song of the same name, which I do not own.

**Got2LiveItBigTime: **No, he dates aren't important. It's just to show you how much time has passed and to show where each part of the chapter is taking place so you can get a general thought of the scenery/landscape before I go into more detail about where the characters are.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	9. A Car Crash

**~09~**

_"I only know it takes weeks to recover, as if one had been in a car accident." –Patricia Highsmith_

* * *

**September 23rd, 2012**

**Los Angeles, California (Palm Woods)**

Logan stared, unblinking, at his computer screen. He had Skype up on his computer, his mouse hovered over the added out Video Call button. He was waiting for it to turn green, waiting for the familiar orange bar indicating a buddy of his had gotten online.

Charlie Mitchell.

He couldn't believe he had added him on the video chat app let alone even send him an e-mail agreeing to talk to him. His mom was always good at convincing him to do things. She didn't say in the e-mail but he could tell that it would mean a lot to her if he did it. He didn't know how things were going on her end and felt bad that he had taken out his confusion and surprised about the whole thing on her, ignoring her e-mails and calls and texts. It was hard on both of them.

"You're real quiet over there, Logie-Bear."

Logan's eyes flickered over to Rhuben, who was sitting cross legged on Kendall's bed. She had his guitar on her lap and was slowly plucking at the strings with her fingers. Her head was bent over the guitar as she slowly played. Guitar wasn't her instrument of choice, as she always preferred to be in the background on the drums, but like every other aspect of her life, she was becoming open to more ideas, and putting herself out there for the world to see.

That was why Kendall was giving her guitar lessons; Ronan had thought it would be a good idea for her to learn how to actually play the instrument, instead of faking it, to bring more attention to her band with two girls front and center. Logan was amazed to find out that for years she had been faking how to play. She really did fool him, he thought she could actually play.

However, he knew that she was a perfectionist with her dancing and with music in general of course she would take the time to practice and practice and practice until no one was the wiser. This was a tough business, you had to fake it till you make it in some instances. Just like he faked being ok with everything. Or at least he tried to; he didn't know he was as thinly veiled as James and Kendall pointed out to him.

"I don't know if I can do this," Logan said with a shake of his head, setting his computer aside. He ran his hands over his face, suddenly feeling very tired. He got off of his bed and started to pace back and forth. "But, this is a good idea, right? Right."

He looked over at his bedroom door and walked over to close it. He then stepped away from it before immediately turning back and opening the door, leaving it open partway. He then pushed it close again.

He was nervous, that much was obvious, but there wasn't anyone else in the apartment to overhear their conversation. Kendall had managed that as the best friend Logan knew he could count on. He didn't know what his friend said to get everyone out of the apartment, but he was grateful for it.

"What if…what if this all goes wrong?" Logan asked, rubbing his hands together. He ran his hand over his face and then put his hands on his hips. "What if this is a bad idea?" He heard a dull thunk and turned around to see Rhuben setting Kendall's guitar on the floor before resting her elbows on her knees, propping her chin up with her fists.

"There's no way I can tell you that everything's going to turn out alright, with sunshine and daisies and all that crap because there's a good chance that it won't," Rhuben said quietly, her blue eyes piercing into his, much like her eyes always did.

It was a running trait in her family, much like how all of the Jacksons had black hair, one that kind of left him on edge as sometimes he really felt like she could see through him. See all of his insecurities, what he was thinking. A lot of times, it helped him as she always seemed to know what was bothering him and how to help him out.

She was talking quietly, holding his attention. "There's a good chance it'll all turn into shit faster than your career could plummet," she said to him. "But, I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what he says, I'm always going to be here for you. Like you were for me." Logan peered over at her, nodding his head. He felt his eyebrows turn down as did the corners of his mouth as he gave her a questioning look. "Promise."

"Pinky swear?" Logan asked, his voice cracking.

Rhuben chuckled, dropping her gaze to the ground before holding out her pinky finger. Logan stepped over to her and locked his pinky around hers and they shook their hands up and down three times. "Love you forever, Logie-bear," she said to him.

"Like you for always, Bella," he instantly replied, giving her a warm smile. He opened his mouth to say something else but stopped, feeling his heart beat quicken when the familiar jingle of a Skype call split the air. His hair stood on end and he swallowed thickly, locking eyes with Rhuben. She nodded her head slightly towards the computer as if saying, "It's time."

It was time. It was time for him to face his past and possibly his future.

Logan removed his pinky from hers and took her hand, gently tugging on it and Rhuben got off of Kendall's bed and followed him over to his own bed, settling down beside him, curling into his side as he brought his computer up into his lap. Her breath tickled the side of his neck.

_Well, Logan, it's now or never_, Logan thought to himself as he moved his finger over his touchpad to accept the video chat. The light for his webcam came on and a second later, he was looking back at his dad. He recognized the room he was sitting in instantly; he was at his grandmother's house…in _his _room. Or at least, that's what he liked to call it.

Charlie smiled at him, a small, tentative smile and lifted his hand in greeting. His hair was brushed back out of his face and he wore a button down shirt, tie loose, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Logan saw the scar in his eyebrow, the spot on his lip that dipped in weirdly, as if it had been split, the scar on his chin, how his cheek bones seemed a little sunken in…

"Hi, Logan," he said and a small smile came to Logan's face. He was finally hearing his dad's voice. After all these years. "Um, son. H-how are you?"

"Dad," Logan breathed and Charlie's smile widened. Logan felt a little silly. He didn't know how he was going to refer to his dad after all these years, but it just slipped out and it felt…right! "I'm good. How-how are you after, um, everything?" He scratched the back of his neck and as he moved his arm, Rhuben elbowed him in the side. "This is Rhuben. She's my best friend. Uh, one of my best friends."

"From that band," Charlie said with a nod, giving her a warm smile. "The one who's been helping Big Tim Rush." Logan blinked. His southern accent really stood out to him. Logan never noticed when he lost his own accent. Like Rhuben had pointed out, it came back occasionally, if he got mad enough, which hadn't happened a lot. The last time, apart from at Santa Monica Pier, was when he was about to punch James in the ace for kissing Camille. "Hi. It's nice to meet you."

"'That band'," Rhuben said using finger quotes, "the DarkElements, yeah. We're taking a break from our music now, but…can't keep us away from our boys for too long." Rhuben smiled over at Logan and Logan felt himself blush.

Silence fell over them. Logan strained to think of what to say.

"How's Nana?" Logan asked and Charlie let out a heavy sigh.

"She's good," Charlie replied, nodding his head. "Considering everything, she's good. Still hasn't slowed down or anything." He adjusted his tie and again, Logan caught a glimpse of his tattoos. "She's…she's taking it all in stride." He closed his eyes for a moment. "But, I owe you an explanation."

_Um, yeah_! Logan thought to himself, but he didn't say it out loud. "I just…" Logan's voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I just want to know why you were gone. I-I want to know why y-you were in jail." A lump suddenly formed in his throat and he swallowed thickly, trying to clear it, but it wouldn't leave. His armpits prickled with sweat as a rush of heat washed over his body as he waited for the answer.

Charlie shook his head back and forth, ran his hands over his face, and then stretched his arms into the air before leaning back in his chair. He rocked back and forth for a few times before setting his chair legs back down onto the floor. He put his elbows down onto the computer desk and buried his face in his hands. Logan felt like forgetting the whole thing. It was clear that it was hard for his dad to say it, but it was also hard for him to wait.

Murder? Car jacking? Mugging? Rape? What was it? He felt Rhuben's fingers wedge through the fingers on his right hand and looked down at her. She peered back up at him, her lips twitching into a brief, reassuring smile.

"Look, son," Charlie said, catching Logan's attention again. A pained expression crossed his face for a moment. "I was…oh, God…I was put in jail because…I was busted…selling drugs._"_

Logan's eyebrows twitched before knitting together. He must've heard wrong. He _had_ to have heard wrong. His dad didn't do drugs. He didn't abandon him just to sell drugs. How long had it been going on? Was life really that bad that he needed to find an extra way to get money? Was it all his fault? A baby was really expensive. They were all questions that he wanted to ask, but he couldn't get his mouth to work.

He looked over at Rhuben who peered curiously back at him, pressing her lips together, sliding them back and forth over each other before she used her teeth to scrape some of the skin from her bottom lip into her mouth. Logan open and closed his mouth, widening his eyes, silently pleading with her to help him. She gave a brief nod before turning back to face the computer.

"Um…why?" she asked.

_Yes, why_? He wanted to know. He cleared his throat, shook his head, swallowing thickly, anything to try and clear the drone in his ears. He had to hear the good reason his dad had for destroying not only his life but messing up his as well.

"_I didn't…I stopped caring_…_I don't know_…"

He frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. He strained to hear what his dad had to say but it was only coming in bits and pieces. But, that stuck out the most. He stopped caring. About what? Logan could feel himself snort. _What? You stopped caring about us? About me? _ He could feel eyes on him and saw his dad was still talking, but Logan still couldn't hear what he was saying. Or maybe he just didn't want to hear anything he had to say; maybe he was blocking it out.

"_Sir_, _with all due respect, there's a reason people do anything_."

He was grateful for her being there. He didn't know what he would do or say without her there. Her presence was always calming to him. She always had that affect on him; just seeing her smile made him feel like he could conquer anything. He liked to think it was a fair trade: he was there for her during her dad's trial and now she was here for him when he tried to connect with his dad again.

He couldn't love her more. That thought stopped him cold for a moment. He knew he really cared about her, and that he thought about her a lot, and was always looking for her approval of things, but he didn't know when he actually started to love her. He looked at her profile as she talked to his dad. He watched as she brushed her hair over her shoulder before playing with the silver and purple band around her finger. One of her many nervous ticks.

He could pick out her voice in a crowded room if he needed to. It was comforting to know that she was there, her voice soothed him. He knew she was right; there was a reason people did anything. There was a reason why everything happened; because of the actions people took. There was a reason why Kendall defended James from Gustavo at his audition back in Minnesota. There was a reason why Gustavo gave the four of them a chance in the first place.

"_I sold drugs…doesn't change…hurt people…wife…my son….doesn't matter anymore."_

"_They just don't understand._"

Logan turned his gaze back to the computer screen. He watched as his dad's eyes flickered over to him every once in a while, as if he was afraid he'd disappear at any moment. As if he was trying to get a good look at him because he didn't know how long it would be until he saw him again.

And Logan realized with a start that he was doing the same thing. However, he was also mentally comparing. Comparing how he remembered how his dad thought and how he looked now. He found that he couldn't think back that far. He had forgotten what his dad looked like. This was his dad now. The criminal, no is, ands or buts about it. The tattoos didn't lie.

He shook his head, as if waking from a bad dream. But, the vision in front of him was still there. Why couldn't he hear his dad? Why? _Why?! _Logan put his hands over his ears, pressing hard into the side of his head. He removed them and then stuck a finger in his ear, wiggling around for a moment before pulling it out with a soft _pop. _No earwax. Of course there wouldn't be; hygiene was important to him. Living with slobs like Carlos and James, it _had _to be.

"_How'd you find him_? _Logan, I mean._"

"_Got lucky_…._so grown up_…"

Logan looked back and forth between his best friend and his dad. An odd feeling washed over him, one he couldn't explain. He didn't know what the feeling was. He ran his hand over the back of his neck before raking his fingers through his hair. A low hum filled the room getting louder and louder by the second. His throat went dry; his hands were starting to shake.

His dad's words repeated in his mind:

"_I was put in jail because…I sold drugs."_

And then Logan went numb. He felt his breath rush out of his lungs. He could see his dad's lips moving, but he couldn't hear what he was saying. He saw Rhuben put her hand on his knee but he couldn't feel it. She was saying something to him. She had an odd look in her eye, but he didn't know what it was.

The fact of the matter is, is that his dad was a drug dealer. With that, Logan reached for his computer screen and closed it, ending the Skype call. And he didn't care.

"Logie-"

Logan jumped, blinking in surprise. He could hear clearly now. He stared at the closed laptop before turning to face Rhuben who stared back at him, concern and worry etched on her face. And…something else.

"I…he didn't do that," Logan said, shaking his head back and forth. "He couldn't…he wouldn't-"

"He _did_, Logan," Rhuben replied, letting out a sigh through her nose.

"But…he messed up _everything_," Logan said before letting out a noise of frustration. "He messed up my life and my mom's and Nana's…and…ugh!" He briefly closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath of air before letting out slowly through his nose. "You don't get it. Y-you just don't get i!"

Rhuben let out a weird laugh before shaking her head. She got quiet for a moment before clicking her tongue. "Right," she said with a nod, as she got off of his bed. She kept nodding her head. "Right, because I don't know what's it like to have a screw up of a dad who's ruined your life probably for the rest of the your life."

Logan mentally kicked himself. Of all the times to put his foot in his mouth. Of course she would understand. She had gone through life changing crap with her dad for just as long as he had; maybe even longer, but her dad was always around physically to hurt her. "Wait," he called after her. He reached for her, hand, but she swung it out of his reach. "Bella, wait, please!"

Rhuben turned around to face him, crossing her arms over her chest. "You say that he ruined your life, but you seem to be doing well," she said quietly. Logan opened and closed his mouth.

"But...hold on, this isn't coming out right," he said as a pained expression crossed his face.

"Forget it, Logan," Rhuben said with a shake of her head as she slid her feet into her shoes without untying them. She stomped at the ground until her heels slipped in, folding in the back of her shoes. "I just won't understand, right? Because I don't get you at all." Her eyebrows shot up. "Or maybe it's because I'm not as smart as you or whatever."

"Bell-"Logan tried to call to her again, but his words died in his throat. He watched as Rhuben pressed her lips together, setting her jaw. She shook her head and hurried out of the room. Logan balled his hands into fists and pressed them to his face, groaning before falling back against the pillows. "Shit."

* * *

**A/N: **I've finally gotten over caring about how long a chapter is. Once I feel like a chapter has gotten to the point, then it's done.

If anyone was confused with the chapter title; I was trying to show two aspects of reacting to a car crash; not believing what had just happened and how people tend to stop and stare when they pass one. I hope that was shown well through Logan's point of view, but I'm also working on how to improve my writing with stuff like that.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	10. It's Looking Like Another

**Guest: **Being my own worst critic I was thinking that the pacing was getting slowing down or staying slow or anything like that and was about to ask what you all. So, thank you for bringing this to my attention. That being said, I'll do my best to pick up the pace.

* * *

**~10~**

"I am too weary to listen, too angry to hear" -Daniel Bell

* * *

Rhuben let out a heavy sigh as she closed the front door to her house. She tossed her keys onto the small table by the door before kicking off her shoes. She slowly breathed in and out of her nose as she started to pace, using her hands to push her hair back from her face.

"Shit," she whispered as she started to pace. "Shit, shit, shit."

To say "this isn't good" would be an understatement. She wasn't sure what she was going to expect when agreeing that she would be there with Logan when he got in contact with his dad, but now a part of her wished that she wasn't there at all. One half of her, his best friend, the side of him that knew everything about her, or rather everything that she told him and then there was the other side of her he only caught glimpses of. He only knew some of the things she's seen and done and knew that he wouldn't understand and he wouldn't look at her the same way again.

Not that he really was looking at her now, not like she wanted him to. She did want to get back together with him, but ever since he got back from tour, the topic hadn't really been brought up again. Then there was everything with Camille. She wasn't sure if he had even talked to her since returning let alone knowing where things stood between the two of them.

But, like there were two sides to her, there were also two sides to him. Juggling between two girls wasn't like him, or rather, wasn't like the 'old' Logan. This new Logan was definitely different. He had more confidence to himself and his old wardrobe made up of sweaters, sweater vests, and with perfectly combed hair had changed over time to t-shirts, muscle shirts, and gelled hair with backwards hats.

She couldn't deny that on one hand, she liked the change as she was always attracted to men who were confident about themselves and she was physically attracted to guys with muscles (which explained her crush on James). She tried to show that she accepted his growth with the sunglasses and leather jacket, but at the same time she knew she could always depend on the old, reliable Logan. This would just take a little while to get used to.

And who knew how everything with his dad would change him. Her life with her dad changed her after all, and not living with Ronan was allowing her to be more open and welcome to change and to really start believing that good things could happen and she could live a happy life. At least she could try and hold onto that thought for a while. Much like everything in her life, something could mess things up in a blink of an eye.

Now knowing that Logan's dad is a drug dealer or _was _a drug dealer…things definitely weren't going to be the same. Logan was the straight laced type in terms of ethics; it was all black and white to him. He showed that the minute he ended the Skype call on his dad. She knew the news shocked him, he was in a haze throughout the short conversation with him, but from what she could tell, his dad really was sorry for what he did and he accepted and understood the consequences behind it.

If only her own dad was that way.

"So, it went well?"

Rhuben jumped, a hand flying to her chest as she whirled around to face her little brother, Noah, who was sitting on the stairs, facing her. He had his chin resting in his hand, his fingers curling up to cup his cheek, resting his elbow on his knee. He gave her a brief smile before he adopted his normal stoic look.

"You're even more quiet than I remember," she muttered with a brief shake of her head. Noah's lips twitched and his eyebrows lowered slightly. "I need to tell you something."

"Figured that," Noah replied, flicking his head to the side to move his long hair out of his face. He then leaned back on his hands, using his top teeth to catch his bottom lip piercings, bringing his lip into his mouth. He then eyed her warily, tilting his head to the side. "I'm not cutting my hair."

Rhuben blinked, taken aback for a moment before a hint of a smile came to her face. "How many times have I said that to you?" she asked, moving to sit on the step next to him.

"Too many times," Noah replied before bumping her shoulder with his. "So, what happened? Haven't seen you in yonks"

Rhuben let out a heavy sigh before briefly closing her eyes. "Logan's dad was in jail because he got busted selling drugs," Rhuben replied. Noah's eyebrows shot up and he made a noise in the back of his throat. "Yyyeah."

Noah gave another shrug. "It'll be right," he said, sliding into his natural accent. "No worries."

"So you say," Rhuben replied with a sigh. "You didn't see him when he found out, No. It was like…he couldn't function or whatever." She turned so her back was resting up against the posts of wood holding up the banister and put her feet in Noah's lap.

"And now you're afraid of how he's going to react to…everything," Noah agreed, nodding his head repeatedly. He ran his fingers through his long hair and pushed his hair off of his forehead before looking over at his sister with his blue eyes. They held sympathy and compassion, but she could also see something else in his eyes.

"I'm not telling him," Rhuben said with a shake of her head and Noah rolled his eyes. "_What_?"

Noah opened and closed his mouth, shaking his head. Rhuben raised her eyebrows, giving him a pointed look. "Just thinking…keeping things from our friends haven't really helped," he replied and shrugged for a third time. "It's ultimately your decision; I'm just letting you know."

"I've got Buckley's of this turning out well if I tell him, No," Rhuben said, running her hands over her face. "You know Logan; if something is wrong, it's wrong." Logan had been one to take more risks lately and act a little more wildly, but he still had his head on straight. He was raised well, that's for sure. "Which is why I kinda blew up at him." Noah gave her a questioning look and she then got to her feet. "Come on; all of you need to hear this and I need to tell you something else, too."

"Whatever it s, I'm sure it'll come good," Noah said.

Rhuben laughed a little bit, shaking her head back and forth. "How are you so optimistic about this?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You and Riles always look for negative stuff," Noah replied, a far off look coming into his eyes. He turned away from her and looked down at a spot on the linoleum floor of the foyer. "Syd did his best to be optimistic about things, but Pat and I had to reassure him on a lot." He then looked back at her. "You guys never let us down, just like you said you wouldn't, but he's only a kid at the end of the day."

_So many mistakes, and we dragged them through it all_, Rhuben thought to herself as she took in what Noah was saying. She was Riley's right hand man, following in her choices, although giving her two cents every now and then. While they all had a close bond with each other, and specific relationships each other, it really was the two girls and the three boys separate. Patrick and Noah spent a great deal of time looking out for Sydney and making sure he was happy and included in on things.

"Is it about Ace?" Noah asked, getting to his feet. "What you wanted to talk about. Is it about him?"

Rhuben paused for a moment before turning to look at him. "You know about that?" she asked. Noah slid his hands into his jeans pockets, half his mouth twisting up into a smile.

"Are you that surprised?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

It really wasn't. Noah had always followed her around as a kid, wanting to do what she wanted to do; which was how he had gotten so into wakeboarding and drumming. The two of them were the shyer two out of their respective sets of twins and she liked to think that was just another factor that made the two of them close. She knew that as years went on that he was always a step behind her, silently observing things that went on, forming his own opinions to give her advice whenever she asked for it.

"Is dad home?" Rhuben asked, deciding to change the subject as she followed him up the stairs, their footsteps echoing through the foyer as they made their way up the stairs and onto the soft carpet of the vast hallway.

"Yeah, he's in the office," Noah replied, jerking his thumb. "He's been there all night; his phone has been ringing non-stop."

"I thought he was supposed to be taking the year off with us," Rhuben commented, following the voices of her siblings into their dad's room.

Patrick and Sydney were sitting on the floor in front of the large TV, eyes glued to the video game they were playing, thumbs wiggling over the GameCube controllers. Riley was sitting on Ronan's bed, occasionally lifting her head from the notebook she was writing in, to give comments every now and then. She stuck her pen behind her ear, closing the notebook when she noticed her brother and sister enter the room, shutting the door behind them.

"He is," Noah confirmed with a nod. "He's on the phone pretty much telling everyone to leave us alone." He walked over to Patrick and kicked his side. "Hey. Pause the game."

Patrick did as he was told before shooting out his arm, wrapping it around Noah's knee. He gave a hard tug and Noah fell over with a loud thud. Sydney set down his controller and rushed over to his brother, leaping on top of him, despite Noah's shout of protest before the three of them started wrestling.

"This is why Ronan sent us up here," Riley said, deadpan pointing a black nail polished covered finger at her brothers. Her eyebrows then knitted together when Rhuben moved to drop into the chair by Ronan's bed. "What's up? How'd the Skype call go?"

"Logan's dad got arrested for selling drugs," Rhuben replied, and her eyes flickered over to Patrick and Sydney as they immediately stopped what they were doing to look at her. "He didn't handle it well as you could imagine." Patrick snorted. "He flipped and started talking about how his dad ruined his life and how I wouldn't get it."

"Well," Sydney said, sitting back on his heels, a frown coming to his face. "In a _way_, you wouldn't. Dad, I mean, _Robert_ wasn't put in jail for most of our lives." He wiped his palms on his jean covered legs. "If he was, we'd probably be with Ronan by now or just living with Julius or someone. We probably wouldn't still have our band as the media exposure would really just hinder our recovery, and stuff."

"Plus, no one of else that we know of has or had a parent in jail, at least not anyone that would come right out and say it. But on _your _side of things, I can see why you got upset. All in all, we're not the only ones with father issues. Kendall doesn't ever want to talk about his dad, James sometimes gets embarrassed knowing that his dad is dating someone half his mom's age, and Jo's dad is incredibly overprotective. There are some aspects where we could all understand each other in some way. This is all new information, so you have to cut Logan some slack for not thinking before talking. We aren't the best people at that, anyway."

Riley raised her eyebrows before nodding her head in Sydney's direction as the small boy gave a happy smile, his dimples popping up in his cheeks. "Well now you're making me feel like a jerk," Rhuben said, slumping in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. "No, actually, you're making me feel like I'm Riles."

"Hey!" Riley protested, an offended look coming to her face as Patrick, Noah, and Sydney laughed. Noah reached out a hand and patted her knee and her smile returned slightly as she shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"I get it, Rhu-Rhu, really," Sydney said crawling on his hands and knees over to her. He then climbed up onto the chair and settled into her lap, allowing her to pull him to her chest. "It's ok you got mad."

"That's not it," Rhuben said, rubbing at her temples with her fingers. "He was making a huge deal about his dad actually selling drugs…it just made me stop telling him that I had done the same thing." She twisted her mouth to the side and let out a sigh through her nose. "I was going to tell him when I went to Runyon Canyon, and I was going to tell him today and then he said what he said…I just had a feeling that I knew why his dad was put in jail before I heard for sure."

She wasn't proud of what she had done. In fact, if she had anything to say about it, what she had done wasn't all that bad. Or at least that's what she told herself to make herself feel better for the time being. It was things she could get easy like inhaler and prescription medicine refills and she had only done it a handful of times.

It started out back when they had first started visiting Hollygrove and when they had met Ace. He was one of the oldest kids there, but was one of the shyest, always choosing to do things on his own. But, he was smart and had street smarts from what they could tell. She needed the money…_they_ needed the money. They weren't getting anything from Robert and they weren't freely allowed to use their own money until they were 18, and they just wanted to save up money to get away from him.

"It was for a good cause," she'd repeat to herself over and over again. "It's to keep us safe."

All the while, she knew that if word got out, their career would be over. However, a part of her was fine with that, a part of her wanted to live a normal life. But, much like all her bad choices, she didn't feel like she had a choice and she knew that her actions would ruin someone else's career; especially Ronan's.

She knew that the only way all the bad stuff that happened to her and her family would stop if and only if she took the first step towards changing her life and she was dead set on making that happen ever since Ronan decided to give them a chance. He was the only one who truly believed in them and that good things could happen to them. It was only right to put in a little effort to try and make that happen; to give it a little push.

"He won't look at me the same again," Rhuben said, shaking her head from side to side. Faster. Faster. She stopped when she felt the familiar dizzy sensation. "He hasn't since he learned about the abuse thing. It's like he's wasting for things to fall apart so he can step in and help."

"Because he's your best friend," Patrick said, his words dripping with massive amounts of 'duh', "or at least that's what the two of you claim." He reached up towards his ear and removed the silver hoop earring from his right earlobe. "It was Logan that ultimately convinced us to get help from the police, remember? Besides, he hasn't looked at you the same since he really started to fancy you. So that's a weak argument." He then started to remove the earrings from his bottom lip. "Anyway, knowing him and how close you guys are, he knows to let you cool down for a while. He'll be around to try and talk things out soon." He then gave her a teasing smile. "Jerk-Face."

"Weasel." Rhuben gave him a grateful smile.

She knew that Patrick had a point, but the fact of the matter is, is that she could sense a waning in their friendship and she knew that this was something that couple potentially sever it completely. Whether or not she was in a relationship with him, it scared her to not have him around at all in some way, shape or form. It was just a comfort to know despite any arguments they were having or if things were going well, he was always there for her.

He was her security blanket in a way; the fact of the matter was she didn't think she'd ever have feelings for anyone or trust someone fully like him without him expecting anything in return. She didn't know what she'd do or who to turn to (outside her family) without him there. He was a comfort but at the same time he could be restricting and stifling. _Do I really believe that, though?_ Rhuben thought to herself. _Is there anybody I can really fully trust?_ Logan had never given her any reason to doubt him without there being a good reason for it.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she finally said after a moment of silence.

"What about—" Noah fell silent when Rhuben cut her eyes at him, angling her head in Riley's direction, and he gave a brief nod, letting out a heavy sigh through his nose. He then clicked his tongue and lookd around the room for a moment. "I'm just saying…if we want things to get better, we have to start talking about it. It's like what Dr. Angelo says in my sessions with him; _we have to face the past before we can face the future_."

"Yeah," Riley agreed with a nod and a weird laugh, "But, where do we start?" Noah gave a deep frown before a thoughtful look crossed her face. Sydney clicked his tongue and Patrick started to toss the ear and lip rings in his hand into the air repeatedly, catching them in his palm. "Mhm."

Rhuben thought back to her last session with Dr. Angelo and his words echoed in her head, "_Every square on that Rubik's cube is an aspect of your life; friends, family, health, your job, what have you. It won't ever run smoothly until you take the necessary twists and turns to make a clear path. __But, sometimes you need help to align the pieces; to have everything flow together_."

As usual, he was right about everything, then again, that was his job; to get inside her head and to help her understand why she thought and acted the way she did to get to the root of all her problems to help her accept herself and to learn from her past to change. At the root of all her sessions were to allow herself to fully accept help and more importantly as for help when she needed it and the only way to do that was to go back to when she really started feeling like she needed to do things for herself.

All in all, she had to do two things she absolutely hated: apologizing and talking about her feelings. But, if there was any way her friendship or relationship with Logan to have a fighting chance, it was this. She had to stop making everything about herself.

* * *

**A/N: **So things pick up from here. You'll see Ace more and of course more Lolla moments as well. Again, this could be because I'm my own worst critic, but I find pairing centered fics that I write better when it's an important part of the plot, but a side plot at the same time. If that makes sense.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	11. Rebound (Part I)

**~11~**

"_One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important_." Bertrand Russell

* * *

**September 25, 2012**

**Minneapolis, Minnesota**

Joanna Mitchell let out a sigh as she dropped into her cushy, black leather chair, worn out. She kicked off her heels, smiling in satisfaction as her aching feet were free from their confines. She curled her toes on one feet and then the other, audible cracking from her long, stocking covered, appendages. She reached a hand down to tightly grip and massage the sides and sole of her left foot before doing the same to the right. She then leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, letting her body deflate as she let out one, long sigh of exhaustion.

She looked around her office—oval shaped—at the signs that were thrown haphazardly into the corner, with dirt clumps riddled on the ground, at the wall of cabinets that faced her, and then at the stacks and stacks of paperwork sitting on the spare table at the side of the room. She turned around in her chair and looked at the wall of keys that hung up on hooks behind her, before facing forward again, looking a her desk. Pencil cup here, stapler there, an old cup of coffee sitting on a napkin with a brown ring around the base, a large calendar sat in the middle of her desk and off to the side was a computer, it's desktop cluttered with icons.

If she hadn't been so exhausted, she would've probably laughed. She was best known for her cleanliness, even having a history of taking a job as a house cleaner when she was younger and needed the money. She had a good rapport and everything and now she couldn't even clean her own office.

She looked up when she heard a knock and looked up to see a man standing in the doorway. He had salt and pepper thinning hair. With a crisp white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up evenly at each elbow, and gray pants with a single crease on either side, he prided himself on his appearance and was one of the most sharp dressed people in the building. "Dress well, sell well," he would always say in his nasally, voice.

"Can I help you, Maxwell?" Joanna asked, getting to her feet, brushing a hand down the front of her dress.

Maxwell Stewart smacked a folder of papers against the palm of his hand as he stepped into the room. "Afternoon, Joanna," he said with a tight lipped smile. "Hope you had a productive day today."

"I did, thank you," Joanna replied, slowly lowering herself into a seated position as Maxwell pulled out one of the chairs that faced her desk to sit down. He crossed one leg over the other, picking at some loose thread that stuck to his pants leg. "Is something wrong?"

"I seem to notice a lack in sales from your department lately," Maxwell commented, getting straight to the point, pinching the bridge of his nose as if just facing her gave him a migraine. "Take the Johnson house for example. We gave them the guarantee that their house would have potential buyers around this time if not have been sold in a quick fashion. They need to move as soon as possible."

"You can't help that people aren't interested in buying the house," Joanna replied with a sign. She reached a hand up to pat her hair. "We'll find someone, it just takes some time. However, you'd be happy to know that I showed the place to a nice, young couple with a little baby on the way. They're really interested."

"Interested and buying are two different things, Joanna, you know that," Maxwell said with a pointed look. Joanna nodded. "I couldn't help but notice that you've been a bit distracted lately." He clasped his hands in his lap. "Mind if I ask why?"

_Yes, _Joanna thought to herself. She tried her hardest to keep everything out of her professional life ("leave your baggage at the door" as they say) but that was just too hard. She did her best, but every now and then, she had to show a crack in the walls she tried to keep up.

"Just a family emergency," she managed to get out after a brief moment of silence.

Maxwell's eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you need to take some time off?" he asked. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything's ok," Joanna said, placing her hands on the desk, tapping her fingers on the desk top. "I just need to sort things out, make some decisions." She paused for a moment, looking over at him. "No one has passed away or anything like that."

"Oh, good," Maxwell said, putting the folder over his heart, giving a sigh of relief. "I mean, it's not good that your family has an emergency." He sat up, clearing his throat as he adjusted his shirt collar. "I'm worried that the Johnson house won't sell."

Joanna's eyebrows shot up. _Of course you are_, she thought to herself. She knew that a part of him was relieved that there wasn't an immediate emergency with her family, but then the logical side of her knew that it was due in part to the fact that she wouldn't have to miss any days of work. Maxwell was a very efficient worker and really knew what he was doing, but there were times where it annoyed, not only her, but all of the employees beneath him that work was the only thing that seemed to matter to him.

"Do you think you need to take some time off?" Maxwell asked, "to get your bearings and get your head on straight? You can still work from home if you wish, we just think it'd be beneficial for everyone around. You wouldn't be so distracted—" he trailed off, seeing the look of alarm on Joanna's face, "you're not being fired."

"Oh," Joanna replied and allowed a smile to come to her face.

"We couldn't fire you, you're one of our best agents here," Maxwell said with a shake of his head. "We're just worried about how outside problems are affecting your work here."

She could see where he was coming from, but she also couldn't help but feel annoyed at the same time. He was showing compassion for her, despite knowing the situation of what was going on, by offering her the time off, but at the same time, she knew it was just to keep their business from going under, not that she really would be the sole reason behind it.

It was just frustrating.

"I understand," Joanna replied with a nod, "although, might I ask if I continue working."

"We don't think that this is the best idea for you," Maxell replied with a solemn shake of his head.

"Who's 'we'?" Joanna asked, using air quotes.

"Well, your friend, Amanda has noticed that you haven't been working to your normal level of expertise as of late," Maxwell said, adjusting his shirt collar for a second time. "We're all just worried about you, Joanna, that's all. A few days off—a week or two—might help."

"Sure," Joanna finally said after a moment of silence. She started packing up her stuff, reaching for her desk drawer to retrieve her purse. She slid her feet into her shoes and got to her feet, shoving her things under her arm. "Thank you. I appreciate it." She then stepped around him and stood by her office door, swinging her arm to the side, indicating that she wanted him to leave.

Maxwell smile as he got to his feet, putting his abandoned chair back. "I'm glad you're seeing things my way," he said placing a hand on her arm. He gave her a brief nod of his head before making his way out of the room, head held high, swinging his arms happily.

Joanna sighed, switching off the lights and closing the door behind her. She reached into her purse for her keys and locked the door before shoving them back into her bag, making her way to the entrance of the building, her heels clacking over the linoleum and then the sidewalk as she made her way outside. A crisp breeze blew past her, giving her brief relief from the shining sun. She made her way to the bus stop and took the time to really straighten her things as she waited for the bus to come along as well as gather correct change to pay for the ride.

With squeaking tires, the bus pulled up alongside the curb and with a hiss, the doors were folded outwards. "Afternoon, Gus," she greeted the driver with a warm smile, dropping her change into the container at the front of the bus. Gus returned her smile with his own as well with a tip of his hat.

"Joanna," he replied, his smile fading a little bit. "Looking a little worn out there, ma'am." As Joanna moved to take her seat, she suddenly felt exhausted. She barely had any energy to shift herself over to the window seat.

"It's all just hitting me, Gus," she replied with a heavy sigh, tuning to look out the window as he pulled away from the curb. A tear slipped down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away. "It's all just hitting me."

Her husband was out of jail and she never thought she'd see the day when that happened. Worse she felt like she had abandoned him. In a way, she had: she moved away without telling him where they went, but that wasn't just to get away from the stares and the whispers, and the harassment—it was part of it, she didn't want to expose Logan to anything like that—but it was also because her job was demanding a move. It was an opportunity to get more money to pay for their lawyer. It was all just too much for them to handle and her parents weren't going to help.

They were old-fashioned in that sense. "If you get yourself in trouble, you can get yourself out," they would say. Adding on the fact that Charlie had sold drugs to get to that point in the first place, they didn't want to have anything to do with him.

"I always knew that boy would be trouble," her mom said over the phone after Joanna relayed the message to her that he was out of jail. "I always warned you against marrying him."

"I know, momma, I know," Joanna had replied, as she tightly gripped the phone as she paced around her kitchen.

"That boy was just too slick," her dad had said. She could practically see the deep frown of disapproval on his face. "Too slick. He had street smarts, that much I knew when I first met him. He just had that look in his eyes. Too charming, much too charming."

He was charming; that's what won her over in the first place. His good looks and his deep southern accent, how could any girl resist for so long? He waited long enough, but he finally got her. However, the whole time her parents disapproved; on the one hand, they were happy to finally have an opportunity to have a grandson or granddaughter, but on the other, they were hoping it'd be with someone else. However, Joanna, moving closer towards her 30s eloped, knowing that she loved the man with all her heart and wanted to spend t he rest of her life with him.

"Things will get better, Joanna, they always do," Gus replied, keeping his eyes on the road for a moment before flickering in her direction in the rearview mirror. "Just got to have faith. It's a harsh world, but have faith and you'll make it through."

"Yes, sir," Joanna replied, allowing herself to smile a little bit. "Faith goes a long way."

Just like she kept it up to good faith that her son would get in contact with her husband. She wanted to have her family whole again and to show her parents and everyone who had mocked and felt sorry for her over the years that she was going to stand by her husband and show them all that nothing was going to break them up.

_You're standing by your husband, alright_, she thought to herself as Gus pulled over to the side of the road, allowing more people onto the bus. _Running away, changing your names, just so you wouldn't be found out? You're showing real bravery there_.

She hadn't even gone by her first name, Christine, in years, neither has Logan. Shortly after meeting and becoming close friends with Brooke Diamond, Kacy Knight, and Sylvia Garcia, did she explain to them everything that was going on and how she wanted them to all start calling her son by his middle name, Logan. Kendall, Carlos, and James had a little trouble following that until Brooke all but demanded that they start calling him "Logan" instead of Hortense.

And here he was as part of one of the most popular boy bands…making a lot of money. Enough money that he could…possibly use…to help his father. But, she was too proud and too guilty to ask for the help, let alone to use his money to help someone her son thought of as a stranger. It was a miracle that he even agreed to talk with his father online.

Joanna made it to her home a few minutes later (after getting off the bus stop 10 minutes out from her home) and tossed her keys and shoes down onto the bottom stairs, after kicking the door shut behind her. She locked it and then sighed, making her way towards the phone that started to ring. She walked over to the wall mount for the phone and picked it up, glancing at the called ID, she quickly answered and ended the call before putting the phone back.

She headed into the kitchen and reached into a cabinet for a bottle of wine and a glass. Popping out the cork, she started to hum to herself before lifting the bottle, pouring the golden fluid into her glass. She put the cork back in, grasped the wine glass and made her way into the living room. She collapsed onto the couch and kicked her feet up onto the table, crossing them at her ankles. She reached for her laptop and logged on all with one hand, taking a sip of the wine.

She was barely logged into her computer for 5 minutes when a jingle hit the air, causing her to jump. A black bar with green and red buttons popped up on her screen. She leaned closer towards the screen, peering at the buttons before slowly dragging her finger across the touch pad before clicking on the second green button. Her screen suddenly went blank before turning a deep blue color and a light popped up on the top of her computer before a box appeared and she was face to face with Kacy Knight.

A wide smile came to Joanna's face and she waved at her friend. Kacy waved back and said something that Joanna couldn't hear. Joanna looked around her keyboard and jabbed her finger into the mute button. "Did it work?" she asked louder than she needed to. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can hear you," Kacy replied, laughing a little bit. "You don't have to yell Joanna."

"This technology," Joanna said, shaking her head back and forth. "I don't know how I've gotten this far without Logan. I wouldn't even know what Scape was unless—" She trailed off. _Unless my husband hadn't told me all about _.

"How are you doing?" Kacy asked, a look of worry coming to her face. "I've tried calling."

"I'm just about to disconnect my phone," Joanna said with a sigh. "It's gotten a little crazy around here."

Kacy's eyes went to the wine glass in her hand. "I can tell," she said, jokingly. "Logan's been doing well, considering. I don't think it's really sunk in." She raked her fingers through her auburn hair. "He's been keeping himself busy with studio work and spending time with his friends. He told me that he told Kendall but the other boys don't know." She shook her head. "I'm worried about the two of you. Logan seems to just be trying to forget he heard anything and I think that's going to catch up to him when he least expects it."

"That's Logan for you," Joanna said with a sigh. She could blame herself for that.

Logan was always a curious kid, wanting to learn as much as he could, especially about his dad. She didn't want him to be worried or be scared or have to learn all about the things she had personally seen or heard other people say or do in regards to their family and didn't want him to know all about it. She barely answered his questions, only enough to pacify him for the time being and then after a while, he just stopped asking. She was relieved, she just didn't anticipate her son building up such a grudge for his own father and she didn't know how it'd help if after all those years she decided to tell him.

Clearly, it blew up in her face.

"What about you?" Kacy asked.

"It's…hard," Joanna replied, nodding her head repeatedly. Kacy clicked her tongue, slowly shaking her head back and forth in sympathy. "I thought I was doing a good job keeping it out of work, but they want me to take a week or two off to get this all sorted out."

"You look like you could use some time off, sweetie," Kacy commented. "Have you asked Brooke and Sylvia for any advice?"

"You know, Brooke, she's not the best person to go to for this," Joanna said, shaking her head as well. "She would probably sell me some products to make myself look alluring even while sobbing." She took a few gulps of her wine and then locked eyes with her friend.

"_If it stings, that means it's working_," the two of them said in unison before they started to laugh. Joanna's smile faded as he laughter subsided. _Oh, it feels so good to laugh again_, she thought to herself.

"Sylvia would do anything she could to help, considering my parents won't," Joanna explained, " however, she doesn't know him as well as I do. To her, he screwed up and he's always going to be a screw up. You know she feels that way about Kevin and Paul."

Kacy hesitated before slowly nodding. "I love her, I do, but she's too judgmental sometimes," Joanna continued. "You know her, she won't ever admit it, but I don't think she'd lend me some money."

"I wish I had enough to help you out, dear," Kacy said with a sigh, raking her fingers through her hair. "Really, I do."

"I know, but I can't ask you and Kendall to do that for me," Joanna replied, feeling herself frown as well. "You both work so hard for what you earn."

"So do you, Jo," Kacy said, her voice suddenly filling with emotion. "So do you. You know the hardships I went through after Kevin left." She wiped at her eyes with her thumb. "You've always been there to help; taking the kids in when I had all those court hearings. I just wish there was some way I could help you."

"Just look out for my baby," Joanna replied, leaning forward to set down her glass of wine before using both hands to wipe at her eyes. "Just look out for my baby."

* * *

**Los Angeles, California (Mall)**

Logan crossed is arms over his chest as he waited in the line at the Cascade Café peering up at the large lit up boards, trying to keep himself occupied. He looked around at the diners of the restaurant and sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out, smiling as the smell of food hit his nose.

"_Next._"

"_I can help the next in line_."

"_Next person in line, please_."

Logan stepped up to the counter and gave Rhuben a half smile as she looked up from the cash register and locked eyes with her. "Something tells me you're not here to order anything," she commented and Logan shook her head. She taped her fingernails on the counter and Logan saw that they were painted a light purple color. He gave a small smile remembering when she didn't even like to wear nail polish.

"You always seemed to know what I was thinking," Logan commented.

Something flashed in her eyes. "I got your flowers," she said, angling her head towards the back of the restaurant. "That was really sweet of you." She then glanced over at a spot over his shoulder. "But, if you're not going to order anything-"

"I was hoping we could talk," Logan replied. "Are you on break anytime soon?"

Rhuben glanced at her watch and then over at the line that was forming behind him. "Not for another hour," she replied with a brief shake of her head. "I'm done then. I guess if you wanted to wait-"

"Go talk to him," a boy said as he came up behind Rhuben, placing a hand on her shoulder before wiggling his fingers for her headset. "I'll take it from here." Rhuben hesitated for a moment before giving a nod. "Your shift is almost over anyway."

"Thanks, Tom," Rhuben replied, removing the headset from around her ears before moving her arms behind her back to untie the apron that she was weird. "I'll be out in a minute."

Logan gave Tom a nod of thanks before moving to the seating area, looking for a free table to sit at. He slid into the booth and adjusted the leather jacket around him aas he waited. He angled his head to look into the arcade when he heard a loud burst of cheers around the air hockey table. A small smile came to his face.

"Hard to imagine things change so quickly, huh?" Rhuben asked, sliding into the booth across from him, setting down the small bundle of purple Asian lilies onto the table.

"You sound like it has to change for the worst for them," Logan said, his eyes drifting towards her. She looked back at him. He could practically hear the negative comment that seemed to want to release from her, but she stayed silent. "I've been trying to talk to you for a couple of days. You haven't returned my calls or anything."

"Just been busy," Rhuben replied with a nod.

"With what?" Logan asked, quirking an eyebrow. "You're on a break for a year."

"We still work out and dance and do photo shoots and stuff," Rhuben replied with a shrug. "Not as much as before, Ronan's made sure of that." She looked around the restaurant. "We surf a lot more. Surprised we don't have swimmer's ear to be honest with you."

"You guys would flip if you got swimmer's ear," Logan said with a chuckle. "You act restless now, but once you really have nothing to do—"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Rhuben agreed with a small laugh. Silence fell over the two of them and Logan dropped his gaze to his laugh. "I should be the one apologizing to you, you know." Logan blinked in surprise. "About what happened at the crib the other day. I flipped."

"No," Logan said with a shake of his head. "I didn't mean what I said. I knew what I was saying would be insensitive." He played with his zipper on his jacket. "Thing is, you're one of the few people who gets it and I need some people to talk to. We've always been able to tell each other everything, so why does that have to change now?"

Rhuben's lips twitched slightly. "It doesn't," she replied, shaking her head. "But, you weren't really all that open with your dad."

Logan laughed a little bit in disbelief. "I was when we were kids," he pointed out, "but you weren't all that open with yours when we met up again, either." He put his hands up into the air, letting out a heavy sigh. "This wasn't what I wanted to talk about either. We were fine before all this crap with my dad came up, I just want to get back to that. I felt like we were really getting on the right path with our friendship then. I know we can't have what we used to, but…"

The two of them hadn't spoken in the past two days. He didn't know if it was because she was avoiding him or if he was avoiding her or if they were both doing their best at avoiding each other. He knew that she was the type that needed time to cool off when she was mad, so he was giving her that. However, with what he said to her, he didn't know if they could really pick up or if they'd, in a way, have to start over again. He was sure that was the worst thing he had ever said to her.

"No, Logie, stop," Rhuben said, putting a hand up and Logan smiled.

With the Jacksons giving nicknames to everybody, it had pretty much become common knowledge to know that if you were referred to by your nickname you were still in the Jacksons' good books. Not to be confused with the times where they were having a serious conversation and the use of their birth name was to get and keep their attention.

"Let me apologize, I don't do it a lot so you better listen. I get what you're saying, you need as much people to help you through whatever it is you're feeling Something I've always struggled with since I've…well, since always. But, you've always been awesome helping us out whether we tried to push you away or not. You've been a better friend to me than I have this whole time. It's my turn to return the favor. I'm sorry I didn't let you vent out your frustrations; it wasn't fair as that has basically been all I've been doing between my bitching and moaning about everything."

Logan opened closed his mouth. "Do you like me or not?" he suddenly asked. Rhuben blinked in confusion at the sudden change of subject.

Logan gaped back at her, surprised the words had even come out of his mouth. Regardless of meaning for the words to slip out, he had been going back and forth asking her that question ever since he had really gotten back from tour. At the same time, it was something he tried to avoid.

Camille Roberts was one of the first friends they had made when they moved to Los Angeles. She helped them build their crib, was always there to give them words of encouragement before the start of a tour, helped James when he wanted to try and get into acting she did a lot for them. Her crazy personality and ability to put on different characters for different situations led for a really spontaneous ride; one he enjoyed. Logan truly cared about her, but it could just be too crazy sometimes.

Rhuben was his best friend, ever since they were kids. Despite their time apart and having to learn to build their friendship over again she was there to listen to his worries and concerns of the music industry and could always find a way to calm him down, and she would drop everything to give him last minute private dance classes. In turn, he offered a shoulder for her to lean on whenever she needed him to listen to how hard adjusting to life without an abuser around was. Most importantly, he was there to lend her compliments and to try and show her that he was going to be there, their friendship was a way for each other to stop them from falling and to pick each other up when they started to fall.

"…Excuse me?" she finally asked, her eyes narrowing into a look of confusion. "What kind of question is that?"

"A good one," Logan replied. He was on a role now.

She was right, he had gained more confidence while he was out on the road. He had gained more confidence in general since starting the musical journey along with James, Carlos, and Logan. Where he, and his brothers had really gotten confidence from was the fact that their friends were brave enough to announce to their fans and to the world their biggest secret. If they could do that, he could do anything.

"I've just been getting mixed signals from you lately," he continued when she didn't say anything. "You know how I feel about you; I've always felt this way for you. I don't think it's ever going to change." Rhuben bowed her head, her gaze dropping into her lap. "What are you thinking?"

"You don't know me at all do you?" Rhuben asked, lifting her head to look at him. She bobbed her head back and forth before letting out a breath of air through her nose. "We talked all the time over the summer and you're just bringing this up now?" She ran her hand over her face. "Have you talked to Camille?"

"Yeah," Logan replied after a moment of silence. "Actually, that's one of the things I did the past couple days." He peered over at her but she didn't seem to have any bit of emotion on her face. One of her defense mechanisms. He knew it well at this point and it still drove him crazy, not knowing what she was thinking. At the same time, he knew that it was a hindrance to her recovery from her abuse. But, who was he to talk? "She's a really cool person."

"Yeah, I know," Rhuben replied, giving a half smile. "Camille's awesome. We talked about you a lot while you were on tour." Her half smile grew slightly and a familiar twinkle came to her eye. "Mainly about how we had to be doofuses to go crazy over you." Logan rolled his eyes as she started laughing a little bit.

"You have an amazing smile," Logan commented, resting his arms on the table. "I'm glad to see you're showing it more often."

"I hate my smile," Rhuben said as her laughter faded. Logan watched as her cheeks turned a bright pink. "I think they make my cheeks look fatter than they are." She reached a hand up and pinched at her cheeks, pushing them together. Logan clicked his tongue, and shot out his hand, knocking it away from her face. He wedged his fingers through hers, slightly and brought her hand down from her face.

"You really are beautiful," he said quietly. "I know you don't believe it, or it's hard for you to believe it, but it's true." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "I know because of your past and everything, you don't think you're good enough for anyone or you're good enough to do anything because that's what you've been told, but that's not true. _I'm _telling you that you deserve everything you want."

"I do like you, Logan," Rhuben said quietly, pulling her hand back from his. He frowned slightly, watching as she put her hand in her lap. "It's just…it was hard to know if what you wanted wasn't just for that moment in time. I mean…you know I don't want to hurt Camille." Logan watched as she turned and brushed her cheek against her shoulder. Another defense mechanism. "I'm just scared of trying this again. Something always happens to screw things up."

Logan shook his head and her last words died away. "I love you, Bella, and I've always wanted to be that guy who can show you that the world has so much to offer you. I want to be your Prince Charming; the guy who can steer you away from every bad thing that tries to get to you. The only way you've managed to get this far was by facing your dark past and I want you to know that I'll be here every step of the way if you decide to continue to do so." Rhuben briefly closed her eyes, before looking back up at him. "I hope you'd do the same for me, because…I've been thinking of going home for a while and I want you to go with me."

Rhuben's eyebrows knitted together. "Home as in Minnesota or-"

"Texas, home," Logan confirmed. "Well, first to Minnesota to talk to my mom about the whole thing, and then head down to Texas." He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out. "I want to talk to my dad, face to face."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "I mean, you didn't really react well on the computer."

"As long as you're with me, I can do anything," Logan replied before leaning forward, colliding his lips to hers in a sweet kiss.

He brought up his left hand to cup her cheek, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. He felt her lips move against his, and the smell of lavender and vanilla wafted into his nose, making his head spin.

* * *

**A/N: **In regards to the Boys Like Girls song (which i do not own), which this story (and the chapter titles are inspired by) the titles to this chapter and the next one are switched. I think it just fit better this way. You'll see more from Joanna's point of view as the fic goes on. Not a big fan of this ending.

Hope you guys liked this chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	12. Breakdown (Part II)

**~12~**

"The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love, and loyalty." -Zig Ziglar

* * *

**Fort Worth, Texas**

Charlie set down the sledgehammer that was in his hands before dropping down onto a concrete slab. He lifted the hard hat off of his head and used his arm to wipe sweat off of his forehead as it repeatedly slipped down the front sides, and back of his head. He reached into his jeans pockets and wiped it over his face and neck. Keeping his face in the cloth for a moment, he closed his eyes, letting out a sigh.

Lifting his head, he scanned the dusty area in front of him before turning on his seat, smiling as Alex made his way over to him. "Thought I heard you coming," he commented, getting to his feet, reaching for his t-shirt, which was laying on the concrete beside him.

"No need to get dressed on a counta me," Alex said, waving his hands in the air before clapping Charlie on the back. Charlie put the shirt on anyway before reaching for his necklaces, tucking them into his shirt collar. Alex walked around to face his friend, putting a hand up to shield his face from the sun. "Ain't it lunch time."

"Not hungry," Charlie replied with a shake of his head. He used his foot to push a metal lunch box closer to Alex, making a noise in the back of his throat as the metal scraped against the ground. "Mom's packed me lunch, plenty of treats if you some. Pretty sure she's tryin' a fatten me up."

"No offense," Alex replied, looking his friend up and down, "but you could use some fattening up."

Charlie laughed quietly. "Where I've been, being skinny is a good thing," he commented.

Alex looked around the empty construction site, giving a brief nod of his head. "Understand that," he muttered before moving to sit down on the concrete slab next to Charlie. The two men were silent for a moment, but Alex was the first to speak. "Been ignoring my texts lately."

_Glad you're back. Up for a hit?_

"Been thinkin' 'bout it," Charlie replied. He reached a hand up to trace his tattoos; first his son's name, then the barbed wire, and finally the numbers on the inside of his arm. "I don't know. I want to make things better for my family—"

"Can only do that with more money," Alex replied and Charlie let out a sigh through his nose before burying his face in his hands for a brief moment before running them over the top and the back of his head. Charlie continued to stay silent and Alex clicked his tongue."Haven't been 'round the store fer a while."

"Keepin' head down low," Charlie replied, resting his arms on his leg, bowing his head. "Figure' ta…try and make my way back inna society." He swallowed thickly. "Make sure I can start providing for my family. Do things the way real men, like my Pa, did." He shook his head back and forth before peering off into one direction.

"Don't be getting all choked up on me, now," Alex said with a shake of his head, rolling his eyes. "Your Pa was a mighty fine man, mighty fine." He reached out a hand and patted Charlie on the shoulder. Charlie roughly brushed his hand away. "He just couldn't fight anymore. "

"Woulda been easier I hadn't been doin' what I was doin'," Charlie replied with a shake of his head. He sniffed once before letting out a shaky breath.

"You was helpin' him out, point black, fact o' the matter," Alex said with a slap to his thigh before turning to face his friend. "Your Ma would have to pay more medical bills if it wasn't for you. Shoot, probably woulda lost her house and everythin'."

Charlie bowed his head a second time. He knew that was true, but he had only brought more pain and trouble to his parents, his wife, and his family as he sat withering away in jail. He knew there were risks of getting caught, but the greater good was too much at stake. Without that extra money, there was no way his mom would've been able to pay, let alone even put a dent, in his dad's medical bills. Once that started backing up, so did the payment on mortgage for her home.

He had found that out on accident. What with all of the bills and junk mail floating through the house, he wondered if anybody ever actually looked at them anymore. What with his dad in and out of the hospital, and his mom dropping everything to be with him whenever he was admitted, it was up to him and his family to make sure everything was ok around the house. Logan was too young, 3 years old at the time, to understand what was happening with "Grandpa Mitchell."

The bills were just a constant reminder that things were getting tougher for them. He stopped reading them; stopped seeing how much trouble his family was in. He stopped listening to his mom deny help and went out to help them himself. As soon as they came in, he would shred them. That was when he found out about the mortgage debt. That was when he wanted to stop relying on his parents for everything and be a man.

He wanted to take matters into his own hands, and help them out; to pay them back—figuratively and literally. He'd just get enough money to lower the debt down into an amount that his mom could handle and that'd be that. It'd only take a year, tops. He was foolish to think that he could stop doing something that…addicting. All the money that quickly? You'd have to be nuts to walk away from that.

_Only been dealing for a year…a little more than that_, Charlie thought back to the words he uttered when he was being interrogated and he snored. _A little over a year. I don't know how I thought I'd get away with that lie. _He clasped his hands together, fingers interlocking, and he put his forehead against his knuckles.

"Look," Alex said over his friend's silence. "I know I got you this job—"

"Trial period," Charlie said, getting to his feet. He picked up the sledgehammer and held it over his shoulder. "Ain't getting paid for a month or two." He cleared his throat. "Can't mess this up, man. I've gotta family to work for. If I get busted again, my parole officer will throw my butt back in jail no questions asked."

"Who knows where your Ma'll be after a month or two," Alex said with a shake of his head. He took a step closer to Charlie, before immediately taking a few steps back when Charlie removed the sledgehammer from over his shoulder in a swift movement. "Look, I got you this job—"

"Can't thank ya 'nuff for that," Charlie commented, nodding in his direction. "Gotta get back to work." He walked a few steps before stopping as Alex hurried after him, grabbing his shoulder. Charlie grit his teeth in pain and lifted a hand to pry his friend's fingers off of him. "Thanks for droppin' by."

"Look," Alex said in a harsh one. Charlie blinked in surprise looking over at his friend. "Duke is riding my ass about gettin' you back out there." Charlie winced when some spittle landed on his face. "You know how he is when things don't go his way. Only this time, it won't be my ass on the line. It'll be yours too. You and your family's."

_No! _Charlie clenched his teeth together. _That's what I wanted to avoid. _He rolled his hands into fists, his knuckles popping as he squeezed them tightly, his fingernails digging into his palms.

"You know I'm right," Alex said behind him. "Duke almost got you the other night, didn't he?" Charlie's breath caught in his throat.

"_So, how've you been, Charlie? Glad to see you're out. Not talking to me anymore?_ _I'll let the others know! Good to see you, sir. Real good._ _We could use you again; get us some easy money._"

He could hear Alex laughing behind him. "You can't outrun him, you know."

"Yeah, but I can try," Charlie replied, "for my son." He stormed into the partial structure sitting in front of him. He lifted the sledgehammer over his shoulder, getting ready to swing it into the side of the partially deconstructed building when he stopped, spotting a window.

He dropped the sledgehammer to the ground, ignoring the dull thud as it hit the concrete beneath his feet and peered at his reflection; a muscular body, causing his white t-shirt to stretch out over his chest, tattoos, a scruffy face and short hair. He got angry. He wanted to smash his own stupid face in for being stupid and selling stupid drugs all those stupid years ago.

He then retrieved the sledgehammer and swung it into the window, jumping back as the glass instantly shattered, sending shards flying in every direction. He pulled the sledgehammer out of the hole in the window and continued to swing it into the wall next to the window over, and over, and over again until he was out of breath and his muscles ached.

He finally let out a breath of air, which quickly turned into a loud, throat burning scream. He closed his eyes, a rush of tears coming faster than a Texan summer storm. 13 years, three weeks, and one day. All that time to hate himself and his decisions. He gave up his family just to help his family; all because he wanted to get his family out of debt. His parents had done everything they could, working hard and teaching him how to be self-sufficient, to not rely on anyone else for money and more importantly, to not have to owe anyone any money. It "feels better to lend, than to own" they always said.

_Boy, were they right._ _Their hard work had paid off until I messed everything up, _he thought to himself, breathing in as deeply as he could, trying to control his breathing. His nose burned as did the spot on his back where Alex walked up, patting him in concern. Or mock concern. He didn't want to have to look over at him to figure it out.

They both stayed silent. But, Alex was the first to speak. "It's time to pay old debts, Charlie," Alex said, all emotion gone from his voice. "You knew it was harder getting out than getting in. You have som work to do."

Charlie slowly straightened, his lower back popping. He set his jaw, turning to glare at Alex. "I'm not doing this again," he said quietly.

"Then why did you come to my store?" Alex replied, glaring back.

"You said it yourself," Charlie replied, reaching out a hand to shove Alex's shoulder. Alex swung up a fist, catching Charlie's wrist. "My family has been giving your family business for years." Alex peered at him before throwing his head back and laughing. Charlie's stomach clenched as dread filled his body.

"You're right, they have," he commented with a shake of his head. "They certainly have." He then put his arm around Charlie's shoulders. "Look, I'm going to give you a little more time to think about this. Just remember, Duke knows people in all the right places. Oh, and we've started dipping into the new generation, _old man._" Charlie grunted when Alex slapped his chest before shoving him away.

Charlie listened to his friend's shoes crunching over the dirt and gravel as he started away, whistling happily. "Wait," he called, lifting his head, looking at Alex's retreating form. Alex stopped walking before slowly turning around to face Charlie, his face blank. "Ok. If it'll keep my family safe…ok. I'll…tell Duke I'll meet him—"

"Sure as hell will," Alex replied, bursting into a grin. "Right here." Charlie gave a half smile. He walked over to Charlie, clapping him on the shoulder. His smile was unnerving. "Know what you're worried about, but it's all good. Just meetin' here is all. Got a new place to do all our business." He shrugged. "Fact o' the matter is, no crime's been reported here so no reason for the cops to go patrollin'. Just savin our skins you know." He then tapped at his temple with his fingers. "Smart, eh? Just keep your nose clean and everythin' will be fine. Although this ain't your firs' rodeo. I bet it'll come back right quick for ya.'" He winked at Charlie. "Be getting' in contact with ya, soon."

Charlie watched as Alex made his way out of the construction site, whistling to himself, his hands swinging by his sides. "Dag gum it," Charlie hissed, kicking at the air. He then picked up the abandoned sledge hammer and threw it at the wall, striking it at the corner, shooting through. With a loud creak, the walls caved in on itself and Charlie watched as half of the old foundation fell away, much like his own.

* * *

**A/N: **This was originally a chapter that showed both Charlie and Rhuben (which was why it took so long for me to update this) but I decided to take Rhuben's part out as I think the chapter is more powerful without having have it there. Plus, her part was getting longer than I anticipated and it was, in my opinion, taking away from Charlie's part of the chapter. It'll just be added into the next chapter. Hope you guys liked this one.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


	13. This Could Be My Last Goodbye

**~13~**

"_This__ is our last goodbye...it's over, just hear this and then I'll go; you gave me more to live for then you'll ever know_." -Unkown

"_People will forget what you said,they will forget what you did,but they will never forget how much you made them feel."_ - Unkown

* * *

**September 26th, 2012**

**Orange County, California**

"So, tell me again why you didn't tell Logan about Ace?" Noah asked, his shoes crunching over the gravel of the parking lot to the psychiatrist's office as he climbed out of Rhuben's car. He slammed the passenger door shut and rested his arms on the hood of her car. "Same with Riles, Pat, and Syd?"

Rhuben sat still in the driver's seat for a moment before removing her keys from the ignition, sliding them into her front pocket. She got out of her car and closed the door as well, glancing over at the window abundant building. "I was going to," she replied and Noah quirked an eyebrow. "I _was. _Then he got all weird." She then made a face at him. "And don't do that eyebrow thing, it's specifically a trademark patented to me and Riles."

Noah's lips twitched before he pulled up his sagging pants "Riles and _I_," he corrected her. He rested his chin on his arms and blew his bangs off his forehead with a breath of air. "He didn't do that 'bleep, blap, bloop' thing again did he?"

"No, he got me flowers," Rhuben replied and Noah's eyebrows shot up. A small smile came to her face as she thought of the gesture. She was surprised to come into work and find it balancing on the hook that held her work uniform. It kind of surprised her at first, but she couldn't deny that the gesture was incredibly sweet. "And he kept talking about how he wanted to go see his dad and stuff."

Half of Noah's face scrunched up for a moment before asking, "D'you think that's a bad thing?"

Rhuben sucked in a deep breath of air through her nose before slowly letting it out. On the one hand, she did think it was a bad idea, from her experience, dealing with anything or anyone that cause you pain was something she tried hard to avoid. There was just something about this situation where it felt different. Logan had always wanted to see her happy, so why not return the favor? After all, he had helped her with her dad, now she wanted to help him.

However, after seeing how he had reacted to his dad, she was hesitant to tell him the truth. She knew that he would think of her differently; after all he put her on an, from time to time annoyingly, high pedestal but she knew he deserved the truth. She knew that she'd have to tell him absolutely everything at one point or another.

"No," Rhuben slowly replied, shaking her head back and forth. "He deserves getting closure with his dad. Kendall got closure with Kevin—"

"If you count screaming at him getting closure," Noah commented, his lips turning down into a frown.

"James, did with Paul—"

"He punched a hole through the wall," Noah pointed out, scratching the side of his jaw. "Although, I guess that's the best he could do. His dad dating someone half his age _is _pretty weird."

Rhuben shot Noah an annoyed look. "I didn't say they were happy moments," she said, sounding slightly defensive. She looked out over the road of passing cars, breathing in the smell of gasoline as the warm rush of air shot past her, tugging on her clothes and hair. "I don't know…I just think it'd be good for him."

"He also says that we should talk to Robert, too," Noah pointed out, and Rhuben made a noise in the back of her throat. "Do you think that's a good idea, too?"

_Honestly? Yes_, Rhuben thought to herself. She slowly nodded her head and Noah's eyebrows shot up before lowering slightly. He looked curious and confused as he lifted a hand up and started twisting the silver stud underneath this bottom lip, back and forth.

She was the type who forgave, but never forgot. She hadn't said this to anyone, but she did have some sympathy towards the main. He had been through abuse himself and it was something she didn't even wish on her worst enemy. Robert wasn't bad all the time, just when things got incredibly stressed for him…which was a lot of the time. He wasn't bad all the time, but people didn't really get to see that side of him. When he was nice it was like he was a whole new person…which, in essence, he was. She did have him to thank for her career and for giving them a chance.

"Everyone deserves a second chance, right?" Noah asked before giving a brief roll of his eyes. "Too bad we gave him third, fourth, and fifth chances." Noah tilted his head to the side. "So, this thing with Logan…he kissed you, didn't he?" Rhuben blinked in surprise and he grinned. "I knew it. So you guys are back together, now?"

"I guess," Rhuben replied, bowing her head for a moment before looking back up at him, smiling in response to the knowing look that sat upon his face. "What do you think of that idea?"

She tried hard not to show it, but she was pretty happy about the idea. She had missed being so close to Logan mentally and physically. Not that they weren't that way when they weren't together…at least not in the relationship sense. They had always been close to each other, although while he was dating Camille and while he was off on tour—while she was back home in Australia—things were pretty testy and uncertain between the two of them.

Not that he didn't think Logan and Camille weren't cute together, she could see why they worked; Camille brought out the more spontaneous side of him and he helped her realize just how far hard work, and never giving up could get her far. It was hard for either of the two girls to see Logan with anyone else for a while, but they had kept their friendship and had talked the whole thing over. They were still good friends, and Camille and Logan were still friends, something she was worried about.

"Whatever makes you happy," Noah replied with a shrug. "It's always been obvious he's had a soft spot for you, yeah? He's always wanted the best for you and everything." He made a clicking sound with his tongue. "You obviously make each other happy, I just don't think now's a good time, with everything, to start your relationship again."

"I'm going to tell him," Rhuben repeated and Noah gave a brief nod of his head. "I _am_. I just don't like not knowing things, you know?" Noah gave another nod. "I don't like not knowing how things will turn out."

"Ah, but no one really does know how things will turn out, do they?" he asked. Rhuben's upper lip curled slightly. "You know I'm right."

"Yeah. But, this is Logan we're talking about," Rhuben replied."I don't know, there was just always something about him that made it hard to talk to him about things."

Noah let out a bark of laughter and Rhuben shot him an annoyed look. "Don't give me that look," he commented. "He's always the one you tell things too."

"Yeah, but it takes me a while to actually decide on whether or not I'm going to tell him," Rhuben replied and Noah laughed again. "Ok, yeah, I do end up eventually telling him, but still. I debate about things a lot; ask for your opinion."

"True," Noah said, bobbing his head back and forth. "So, what made it so hard for you to talk to Logan about your guys' relationship. If you had even talked at all about it?" He gave a half grin. "You're not nearly as bad as Logan and Camille, but still." He removed his arms from the car top before pulling down the sleeves to his shirt, putting his arms back.

"You should tell him. Like I said, he's always thought highly of you. It might shock him, but…because it's _you_ I doubt it'll make that much a difference. That's just my opinion, though." He ran a hand over his face and into his hair, brushing his hair out of his face, looking at his sister with both of his eyes. "You want to help him, right?"

"Of course I do," Rhuben replied, taken aback. She opened and closed her mouth for a moment before putting her hands up into the air. "This whole time he's always been there to help me…to help us. I –_we _helped him with his music but…it doesn't feel like I paid him back, yeah?"

"Not really," Noah agreed with a nod. "Logan, Kendall, all of them, they helped us with our lives, with our well beings, everything that music can't help you with."

"Exactly," Rhuben replied with a nod, giving him a smile.

Leave it to Noah to understand what it was she was saying. She chalked it up to him always hanging around her when they were kids, not that it bothered her. Sometimes she joked that he was more her twin than Riley was as they were so similar.

"So, now it's your turn to help him. I get it," Noah said with a series of nods. "So…how are you going to do that?"

"Well, first, I'll tell him about the inhalers and everything," Rhuben said, crossing her arms over chest, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. "And if he decides to speak to me afterwards, I'm going to need everybody's help." Noah's eyebrows shot up, and he looked interested. "He wants to go to Minnesota to see his mom before he heads down to Texas to see his dad."

"And that's a problem because?" Noah prompted.

"We don't have access to our money until we turn 21 remember?" Rhuben replied and Noah's jaw dropped slightly, his eyes narrowing slightly, before pressing his lips together, nodding his head. "It was 18 until da—Robert bumped it up once we started getting more recognition."

"Right."

"I bet Logan's money is the same way, being signed with Rocque Records and all," Rhuben added before a thoughtful look crossed her face. "Hell, I don't even think they've gotten a bonus for their work, yet."

"So?" Noah asked.

"So…there's no way he'd be able to use his own money to pay for a plane ticket to Minnesota and then to Texas and don't even get me started on gas money and hotel rooms," Rhuben replied, counting off on her fingers.

"Can't he just ask Gustavo to let him use it?"Noah asked, as if it was the most obvious suggestion. "Or his mom?"

"The thing is, No…Gustavo does have a sensitive side, but even I don't think he'd stop yelling long enough to agree to it," Rhuben replied, and Noah let out a short laugh in agreement. "I mean, who knows how long Logan would need to be out of California and…and who knows how long it'd push back production on the next album. You know James, if he's not working he's practically going haywire. Kind of like us."

"And there's paying Hi-Hat for her time, and all the appearances they've agreed to do," Noah said. "Good point. So, what are you going to do?"

"Right now, I'm just going to get through this therapy session," Rhuben replied, jerking her thumb towards the building they were standing in the parking lot of. "I thought I could ignore this, but you know me; I dwell like a pit bull on a pants leg. I just can't let things go."

"All our problems, I'd say," Noah commented, kicking at the ground. "But, you're going to tell the others?"

"I have to…if I'm going to somehow get away with this with Ronan," Rhuben replied, rubbing her chin. "Syd would be the best to turn to."

"Are you going to tell Ronan?" Noah asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "About the drugs I mean?" Rhuben briefly shook her head back and forth and Noah put his hands on his hips. "Come on, sis, you know he's a pretty chill guy. He understands."

"Probably not about this…or the gang thing," Rhuben replied, waving her hand in the air. "Or the fact that both you and Pat were involved as well." Noah opened and closed his mouth. "He doesn't know about all of that. I'll tell him…" She gave a small grin. "Just probably when I'm already thousands of miles away." Her sweet smile widened when Noah rolled his eyes.

"To have the rest of us deal with it?" Noah asked deadpan, giving her an incredulous look. "Thanks."

"Who says you weren't going?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up. Noah's did the same.

"Logan only wants you to go," he pointed out. Turning his head away, he added in a low voice, "I'm assuming for more reasons than one." Rhuben's upper lip curled slightly. "It's not my place. I mean, I'm friends with Logan but not as close as you two are." He turned back to face her. "Even when we were kids I always felt like I was tagging along."

"That's because you always tagged along," Rhuben replied, "not that I had a problem with it or anything." She twisted her mouth to the side. "What if I'm wrong? Making the wrong decision by pushing him to his dad?"

"We all have to face our past sooner or later, right?" Noah asked, giving a one shoulder shrug. "S'what Angelo says all the time, anyway." He used his top teeth to bring his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on it for a moment.

Rhuben peered closely at him. "I think this is the most I've ever heard you talk in your life," she commented and Noah shot her an annoyed look.

"Don't start," he commented in a low tone. "Why did you even want me to come to your therapy session anyway? We always have them separate." He wiped his palms on his shirt before sliding his hands into his jeans pockets. A look of horror briefly crossed his face. "We're not going to be talking about you and Logan the whole time, are you?" Rhuben pursed her lips as she peered back over at him and Noah gave a brief smile. "Just kidding."

"You're luck y you're my favorite," Rhuben commented, before motioning for him to follow her. Noah fell into step with her, putting his arm around her shoulders. "Apart from Sydney I mean…and Julius." She screeched when Noah swung his foot up and kicked her butt.

"Funny," Noah said, reaching over her head to grasp the door handle.

With a hissing sound, the door swung open and the siblings stepped into the door open and stepped into the cool building. They took the elevator up to the fifth floor and stepped into a waiting area. Rhuben walked over to the receptionist and quickly signed her and Noah in before reaching into her wallet to pass the woman a check. They had barely sat down for a moment before they were called into the office and Dr. Angelo gave the two of them a smile.

"Now, I don't think I've seen the two of you together in my office in a couple months, now," he commented, motioning for the two of them to sit down. "Last I remember, you all ganged up on me, nearly made me run for the hills."

"That's what a lot of people say," Noah commented with a small laugh and Rhuben nodded in agreement, sharing an amused smile with her brother. "For good reason. It's all Riles's fault, though."

"Now, I'm sure that's not true," Dr. Angelo said with a small laugh, settling into his seat, reaching forward to grasp the notebook that Rhuben held out towards him. "After all, you all go along with what she says no questions asked. Can I ask why?"

"Aren't you supposed to tell us why?" Rhuben asked, slumping in her seat.

"I guess you're never going to believe me when I say that I'm not supposed to _tell_ you how you feel or why you act the way you do, but to help you figure out _why_ you do it?" Dr. Angelo asked, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "These sessions are to help you get to the underlying reason behind why exactly it is that you are here." He then sighed, a smile coming to his face. "Now, we all know that your father suggested these sessions due to what you've been through with Robert, however, I'm not fully convinced that's why you're here."

He then started flipping through Rhuben's notebook, his lips moving as he silently read parts from random pages. Rhuben watched him, playing with the loose end on the arm rest of the couch that she and Noah were sitting on. "I see you've been having a few nightmares lately," he commented, "would you like to talk about that?" He then looked over at Noah. "With your sister, we generally discuss what it is that prompts the dream; the last thing she thinks about, sees, talks about, eats in regards to what the dream is about."

Noah gave a brief nod of his head.

"Last time I was here you wanted to know who it was that would help me set my life in order," Rhuben said and Dr. Angelo gave a brief nod of his head. "Or rather, who I, personally, think helps me do that."

"This is true," Dr. Angelo replied, clasping his hands together. "So, you've figured out who it is?" He lifted his pen. "I'd like to know; is it Logan? Your father? They're both two people you really hold dear in your life; they have, in essence, helped you. Ronan's always given a chance on you guys and while Robert was around, he was there to be sure you got good feedback, that you were safe, that you felt normal. Logan on the other hand—" he turned towards Noah, angling his head towards his sister,"—and Logan in regards to your sister, is someone she's always counted on and has always been there for her despite her not wanting him there, telling him that she didn't need him, and being afraid of what it was that he thought of her."

"That's true," Noah replied, before glancing over at her sister.

"Now, you agree with that, your sister agrees with it, and from what I've learned through all of this, I believe it as well," Dr. Angelo replied, "however, I'd like to know why you're here." He then put a hand up. "Not that I'm not happy to see you here. I believe you'd also like to know why you're here." Noah just stayed silent, a muscle in his jaw twitching.

"I've thought about everything since the last time I was here," Rhuben replied and Dr. Angelo nodded, tapping the notebook in his lap with his pen. "You're right, both Logan and Ronan have helped shape my life but…neither of them have ever really gotten me like Noah has." She reached out a hand and patted Noah's knee. He gave a brief smile.

"I've always said that he's followed me around everywhere when I was a kid, wanting to do what I did. We played soccer together, and we learned to wakeboard together, we always talked about anything. Anything about me, anyway. But, he's never once complained about it. He's always made time to listen to anything that was bothering me or to give me advice even when he didn't agree with something I was doing. He's never actually flat out told me that, but I always had that feeling. Noah's the type to ask you about your motives, what you're thinking, telling you what he thought about things in a roundabout way."

"It's…it's a way for him to not step on anyone's toes, to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. Or at least, that's how I like to think of it. He's just always been there, even when I'm not giving him a lot of attention. I have noticed over the years that Riles and I have been focusing so much on making sure everything's ok with them; they're getting their homework done, they're happy, that we don't really treat them like they're our brothers, or our friends, but our responsibility."

"We say we're close, and we are," Noah commented, cracking his knuckles, "we just…tend to break off into two groups when we're not at home. Riles and Rhubes with 'the boys', and Pat and I with Katie and Lizzie. Syd, too, but…lately, we've been kind of leaving him out as well."

"I see," Dr. Angelo replied. "Why do you think that is?"

"Anticipation," Noah replied and Rhuben looked over at him, a confused look crossing her face. "For me, anyway. Riles and Rhubes are great, but I've always just had this thought that at some point, everything was just going to fall apart and we'd be separated." He stopped cracking the knuckles on one hand and moved to the other. "I think we all thought of that and dealt with it in our own way." Rhuben slowly nodded as she listened to her brother. He was right, and it suddenly hit her.

She and Riles did everything they could to be independent from each other. So much so, that people thought it was weird whenever they acted off if one or the other wasn't around. They had no problem telling the boys that they loved them, but they never did that to each other without an insult or a comment to tear each other down coming up right after it.

Patrick and Noah got closer, and they looked after Sydney as best as they could. It was just a way for them to get used to it if it ever were to happen, but they had never actually talked about it, or acknowledged that the thought loomed over them. When they were home, it was a different story; always hanging out, always wanting to know what everyone was doing.

"I see," Dr. Angelo said as he set the notebook aside to write on his clipboard. His hand flew across his paper, creating loops in his handwriting. "From what I can understand, despite being so worried about being split up, you were starting to distance yourselves from each other, in certain aspects, to lessen the blow if it were to happen." He looked back and forth between the two o them. "Yet, you were able to continue to keep this close bond between the two of you." He uncapped and recapped his pen.

"Noah's seen me at my best and at my worst," Rhuben commented and then gave an odd laugh. "And I've had a lot of worsts, but he's always had encouraging words for me. When things get too bad, he always had a vote of confidence, even if I was frustrating him or making him mad." She ran her hands over her face. "Logan's the same, but there are things I still don't tell him, but I tell Noah absolutely everything."

"Yet, you consider Logan to be one of the most important people in your life," Dr. Angelo commented. He was silent for a moment, looking around the room. "He certainly has helped you a lot."

"Now I want to help him," Rhuben replied, and Dr. Angelo's eyebrows shot up. "Everything in here is confidential, right?"

"As always," Dr. Angelo replied with a nod.

"When I was a kid, he told me that his dad was in jail," Rhuben replied and Dr. Angelo blinked. "It was part of this deal we had; we'd tell a secret about our dads, but Riles and I had to leave before we told him. I don't know about Riles, but I would've told him about our dad." Noah made a noise in the back of his throat as he shifted his seated position. "After moving away from Texas and with our careers, I just didn't even think about it, until the topic came back up just recently. You see, a friend of mine had told me his dad had gotten out on parole."

"Logan didn't tell you?" Dr. Angelo asked, looking surprise. Rhuben shook her head. "Who is this friend and how did he know?"

Rhuben opened and closed her mouth, scratching at the back of her neck. She looked around the room before looking over at Noah, who had his knees up to his chest, resting his elbow on his knee, cupping his chin in his hand. She trusted Dr. Angelo, but she knew the evils of Hollywood well at this point, everyone could be bought if the price was right.

"An old friend of mine," she finally replied after a moment of silence. "He used to reside at Hollygrove, but grew out of the system." She pressed her lips together for a moment. "He just knows."

"I see," Dr. Angelo replied, peering at her. "And this is true information?"

"Logan had gotten a call from someone who worked at the jail, or facility, or whatever in Texas that he got released on parole," Rhuben explained, reaching up to pull the scrunchie out of her hair. "He then got some e-mails and phone calls through his mom and grandmother about him. He—his name is Charlie—wanted to get in contact with him."

"Logan was against it at first, not wanting to know what it was that had him put in jail in the first place, but...he, Kendall, and James, they've always wanted to have their dad's around like Carlos's dad. Just…not with the baggage or anything. We all want to have what Carlos has; a great family, whether that be with one parent or two." Noah nodded his head. "Logan talked to his dad, but he kinda flipped out." Noah snorted. "He shut down. I had to talk for him, he just couldn't function because he had found out that his dad had sold drugs and was busted."

"Do you know why he sold drugs?" Dr. Angelo asked. "You said you were there to talk to him. I'm assuming this was a hard hitting question."

"He said he wanted to help," Rhuben replied, thinking back to that conversation. Charlie had looked so…tired, and worried, and desperate, and upset. He kind of looked like he was barely hanging on. I don't expect things to be easy for him, to get back into society."

_That's a joke, _she thought to herself, holding back a snort. _I didn't even think _we'd _have it easy. Our fans are awesome…but, even I don't think we deserve that from time to time. I mean, we lied to our fans for so long, acting like…like we were delinquents or something. All to keep up our image. There's no telling how news like this will ultimately affect not only Logan personally, but Big Time Rush as a whole if it got out to the public._

"Logan just got so mad. He couldn't believe that his dad would do something like that, or that anybody would do something like that," Rhuben continued, running a hand over her face, shaking her head. "Logan is the type where everything is right or wrong with no in between. That's what makes it hard for me to tell him everything about my past. Especially in this case because…I've sold drugs, too." Dr. Angelo's eyes widened slightly. "Nothing like marijuana or coke, just inhalers, pain pills, some of Riley's medicine, some of Patrick's, a little bit of everything."

Noah cleared his throat, sitting up straighter in his seat. "Robert wasn't giving us any of the money we made through all our sales until we were 18 years old," he said, "which we understand. Once we got more recognition, Ronan suggested we bump it up to 21; which we get as well but—"

"We didn't get an allowance or anything," Rhuben jumped in, "I mean, not unless Ronan thought we were doing a great job at work and somehow convinced da—Robert to give us some spending money. But, that was partly why we went out looking for jobs and worked at the Cascade Café. But, it wasn't enough."

"So, you wanted more money," Dr. Angelo said. He bobbed his head back and forth. "Everyone can be persuaded by money, but I never felt you all would be. Why was this money so important that you would go out and sell drugs…things you need, for it? Who did you sell to?"

"We wanted to get enough money to reserve a place in a hotel room for a while, or maybe find an apartment, anything to get away from dad and be able to live on our own," Rhuben explained. "We always said that we'd get away, and we were working towards it…it was just taking longer than we wanted and we got more people involved than we wanted."

"Big Time Rush?" Dr. Angelo asked.

"Yeah," Noah said quietly.

"And who did you sell to?" Dr. Angelo asked. Rhuben pressed her lips together, staring at the clipboard in his hands. He tapped the end of his pen against the paper. "This is all off the record. Everything in here is strictly confidential. Now, if you continued to do so, then it'd be in your best interest if I did something about it." Rhuben's eyes narrowed slightly. "I'm not looking to get you in any trouble, believe you me."

Rhuben looked over at Noah who was staring back at her, head tilted to the side, eyes slightly wide. He gave a slight nod of his head. "It kinda started back home, in Australia with a few people there," Rhuben explained, briefly closing her eyes, letting out a deep breath of air. "Pat and No would deliver the 'packages' to people and collect the money, but I'd make the connections. They wanted to help, they wanted to show Riles and I that they could hold on their own in everything, but I made sure they were safe. I only did it, maybe 5 times in Australia, before we stayed here. Here I've done it, seven times, I'd say."

"And have any of your…clients tried to get you to start up again?" Dr. Angelo asked. "From what I understand…it's like an addiction. You see how much money you can make, and you just want more of it. Anything become an addiction if you let it become that important to you."

"It has come up…but I haven't agreed to it," Rhuben replied, shaking her head back and forth. But, her heart had started to beat rapidly.

If she had been sought out by Ace again, there was no telling how things were going down with Logan's dad. Everything could be fine, but from what she's experienced, it all could go to shit in the blink of an eye. There was no denying that he was being put in a sticky situation as well. She had no idea how Logan would take that, but she'd have to tell him everything if she really wanted to help him out.

"Good, I'm proud," Dr. Angelo replied with a warm smile. She looked up at the clock and gave a slight frown. "Time's almost up. Have you made a dent on your Rubik's cube?"

Rhuben gave a shake of her head. "I've tried; got a couple, but not a lot," she replied, making a face.

"Some progress is better than nothing," Dr. Angelo replied, handing her notebook back to her. He tapped the cover with his finger. "I understand that Logan would like you to travel with him. Just remember that you don't really get to know someone until you're spending all your time with them." A twinkle came to his eye.

"It can bring people closer together or tear them apart, but it's up to you to decide which outcome you'll encounter." He then cleared his throat, adjusting his tie. "Thank you both for coming in. I think we've covered a lot of ground today." He then looked over at Noah. "I'll see you for your session next week."

"Thanks, mate," Noah said as he got to his feet, offering his hand to the doctor. Dr. Angelo put his hand in Noah's before covering it with his other hand.

"My pleasure," Dr. Angelo replied. "Have a great afternoon."

Rhuben gave a brief nod in thanks before leading the way out of the office. She let out a heavy sigh as soon as Noah closed the door behind him. "I sweat to God, I'm more stressed out after I come out then when I go in," she commented, and Noah gave a deep chuckle before putting his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side before giving her a hug around the shoulders.

"It's what he's supposed to do," Noah replied as he then used his hand to mess up her hair, making a point of showing their differences in height, something she was still annoyed about. "Makes you think about everything more than you normally would." A serious look then crossed his face as they got into the elevator. "So, about Logan—"

"I don't even want to think about that right now, No," Rhuben said, rubbing at her temples.

"Of course you don't," Noah said with a click of his tongue. "God, sis, I get that you like taking shit, but letting someone else help you from time to time isn't going to kill you." He clicked his tongue, setting his jaw. "For once in your life, try not to make everything about you. It's Logan who needs your help right now. You can help each other. If you don't let him in, you're just going to end up alone."

Rhuben turned her head to the side. She knew that Noah could snap and show you just how mad he could be about things, but you never really wanted to be on the receiving end of it. Hell, she knew that when they got mad enough, all five of them really could go off on you. They always say it's the quiet ones you had to look out for and Noah was no exception. She hated it when she made him mad at her. At the same time, she knew that he was just trying to help.

"You haven't left me," Rhuben replied quietly, turning to look back at him and Noah relaxed into a smile.

"I'm stuck with you, I don't really have a choice, hoon," he replied with a teasing smile. His smile then faded as he looked over at his sister. "I seriously think you should tell Logan. I mean, I think it could do more good than harm I mean…with your experience, you could help Logan understand everything." The elevator doors slid open and he led the way out towards the parking lot. He suddenly stopped walking and Rhuben nearly crashed into him.

"What?" she asked. Noah just silently pointed and Rhuben followed his gaze to see Logan sitting on the back of the Big Time Rush mobile, kicking his legs back and forth. "I'll go wait in the car." Rhuben grabbed his wrist, stopping him from moving. He put a hand on her shoulder before pressing his forehead to the side of her head. "It's Logan; it'll be fine."

"Yeah, yeah," Rhuben replied, trying to sound upbeat and positive, nodding her head as she let him go. She reached into her pants pocket and handed him the car keys. Noah took the keys before heading off across the parking lot at a jog. She sighed before making her way over to her oldest friend. Logan smiled when he spotted her, jumping off the back of the car, meeting her halfway across the parking lot. "Hey."

"Hi," Logan replied, giving her a hug before cupping her cheeks in his hands, pressing a soft, quick, kiss to her lips. Rhuben felt her cheeks heat up as he pulled back, giving her a shy smile. "Riles said you were here. I, uh, didn't know if you had made up your mind about…everything."

"Logan, you know I'd do anything I could to help you," Rhuben said, reaching up to grasp his hands, giving them a gentle squeeze as she held his hands. She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, dropping her gaze to the ground.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, a look of worry crossing his face.

"We need to talk," she said and Logan's eyes then widened. She rolled he eyes. "That's not what I mean, ya hoon!"

Logan gave a smile, looking relieved. Rhuben made a face. It was already hard enough to tell him what was going on, but to have to look at a cute face like that while she was doing it? When she didn't say anything, his look of worry came back. "What is it?" he asked.

"I…I used to sell drugs," Rhuben replied blurted out. Logan's eyes popped open into a look of shock. "Back in Australia and a little bit here." Logan let go of her hands, stepping back from her. "I didn't have a choice at the time. It was stupid, and I regret it, but…I didn't have a choice at the time and…say something."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Logan asked in a quiet voice.

Rhuben pressed her lips together. She couldn't read the look on his face. Was he mad? Angry? Disappointed? Did he not want to speak to her again? She twisted her hands in her lap. "It just never came up?" she replied as more of a question. She swallowed before licking her lips. "It wasn't important at the time. I haven't done it in a while." He still didn't say anything. "It was for a good reason."

"Really?" Logan asked, looking over at her. He started to pace back and forth, shaking his head. He finally looked back over at her. "You sound like my dad."

Rhuben's jaw dropped slightly, a quiet gasp rushing past her lips. She crossed her arms over her chest, grasping at her arms with her hands. "Logie, you know I'm not like that," she said in a quiet tone.

"I don't even know who you are anymore," Logan said as he stopped pacing, shaking his head back and forth. Rhuben twisted her mouth to the side, blinking rapidly. "I don't think I ever really did know. I don't know how Rhuben, my best friend, is. It's like every time I try and figure it out, I'm faced with a new side of you."

"Logan—"

Her words died on her lips, and she flinched when he suddenly took a step towards her. He wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, resting his chin on top of her head. She brought her arms up around his waist and hugged him back feeling safe, secure, in a way that only he could make her feel.

"I don't think I'm ever going to understand everything about you," he said quietly, "but I know that you've lived such a hard life. I'm not going to give up on you just because of that." Rhuben put her hands on his stomach and pushed him away from her.

"You'll forgive me, but you won't forgive your dad?" she asked, staring at him. "That's not fair to him at all." She reached out to take Logan's hand, tightening her grip on it when he tried to pull away. "All I'd ever wanted was to forget that I had done something like that. I knew that people, people like you, would look at me differently. I didn't want you to look at me differently."

Logan opened and closed his mouth before saying in a shaky voice, "I don't understand why this hurts so much." He pressed his lips together for a moment. "I don't understand how he could've done something like that. Why did he abandon me?"

"Oh, Logie," Rhuben said quietly, giving him a hug this time. "It hurts because it matters." She reached a hand up and snaked her fingers into the hair on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes, turning his head to kiss the inside of her wrist. "So, when are we leaving?" Logan opened his eyes, peering at her. "You and me; we're taking on the world together, remember?"

"Right," Logan replied with a nod and a smile. "Together." He then reached a hand up to brush her hair away from her face. "Everything with your dad…I knew I could count on you, Bella." He cupped the back of her neck, kissing her again before resting his forehead against hers. "Meet me later for a walk on the beach or something?"

"Sure," Rhuben replied with a smile, "I'll have to check with Ronan first, though."

She gave him another hug before heading towards her own car, her head spinning. Something was off about him; he was mad one moment, then seemed to be out of it, and then he was grateful that she was there. She looked up at the building she had just left thinking that if anyone needed therapy, it was probably him.

Before she opened her car door, she felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket and reached in to retrieve it. She dragged her thumb over the faceplate and watched as her screen unlocked. She opened her text messages and knew that she had gotten a message from Ace before he had even seen the name.

**Ace: **Got some news on your boyfriend's dad. Meet tonight?

"You ok?" Noah asked, as she dropped into the driver's seat. Rhuben silently passed him the phone. He silently read the message over. "Shit." He passed the phone back to her. "He could be bluffing."

"Wasn't lying about his dad being out on parole," Rhuben replied with a shake of her head. "It could help."

Noah was silent for a moment. "I'll think of an excuse, just in case Ronan starts asking question," he said after a moment of silence, letting out a sigh through his nose. "You really want to do this?"

"To quote Kendall, 'a life without risks is a life unlived'," Rhuben said as she started up the car. "We've been taking risks all our lives. What's one more?"

* * *

**A/N: **So, I've been debating on taking out the time stamps to this fic but keeping locations. I think the timestamps are showing how slow the plot is moving along. Although, it is possible for so much to happen in few weeks/months. They're not so important, just used to show how much time has passed. What do you guys think?

Just in case you guys hadn't really figured it out yet, but like stated in this chapter, this fic is to show how Rhuben helps Logan with everything (shown mainly from Logan's POV) since in most fics I've written it's BTR/a guy that's helping the Jacksons/Rhuben. And in regards to the title, it's referencing how their relationship has changed/is starting off on a new foot.

Oh, and for those of you who are waiting for the update to_ Never Again_, school work had come up, I was working out plots to new fics, working on other fics, and have just been incredibly lazy in regards to updating. But, the new chapter will be up soon.

Hope you guys liked this chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben


End file.
